


King in the South

by Tex



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Dallas Stars, Family Feels, Florida Panthers, Hockey, Logan Couture is the best friend in the world, M/M, Mpreg, What makes a family, hockey bros
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-06-28 14:55:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 48,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15709512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tex/pseuds/Tex
Summary: Jordie’s hold on Jason loosens enough so that Jordie can grab Jason’s ass with both hands and squeeze him roughly. “We can’t fuck up team chemistry if we’re not on the same team,” Jordie says into his ear and Jason shivers from the graze of Jordie's breath against his skin, the tickle of his beard.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Many, many thanks to my dear Lamardeuse for her beta on this story. xoxo

Jason never expected to love Texas so much. Being traded from the Sharks only one month into the season was painful. He’d come into town with a closed mind and a chip on his shoulder. 

What he knew about Texas came mostly from brief road trips and from movies. And the news, not all of which was good. They killed a President in Texas. _Rattlesnakes._ You can cook an egg on the sidewalk in the summer. 

But it doesn’t take long before Jason falls in love with Dallas and the people who live there. He’ll probably never get used to the heat. But he’s somewhat relieved to learn that Texans talk a good game but _they_ aren’t used to the heat, either. As compensation, there are pools, waterparks and AC everywhere and it’s survivable. 

He cares about his teammates. And hockey players have it made it in Dallas. It’s a football town above all else and the Stars players can have actual lives without the scrutiny and media harassment that comes with the big hockey markets in Canada. 

But after the 2015-2016 season, he’s a free agent again and the Stars let him walk. And Jason starts the process of looking for a new team all over again.

 

_____________

July 2, 2016

Jordie takes the pic that Jason posts on Instagram, the one that the Panthers and his agent requests be posted. He’s sitting at the kitchen counter in his apartment in Dallas, signing his new contract with the Panthers (a printed out version; he signed the official one electronically the previous day). 

As he looks through the papers, out of the corner of his eye, Jason watches Jordie study the photo for a long time. “This will get you a shit ton of likes, dude,” Jordie says, before finally putting the phone down on the counter and sliding it over to him. “From Florida, anyway. Texas, I don’t know.”

“Fuck you,” he says absently, his gaze lingering on the document in his hands and all that guaranteed cash. “I left a lasting impression on the Lone Star State.”

Jordie doesn’t answer him and Jason picks up his phone and looks at the newly posted pic. His hair is on point, if he does say so himself and he’s still got some of his Kona tan left. All in all, not a bad pic but — 

Jason stands up and shuffles the papers together. “I guess I’ll shred these now,” Jason mumbles uncomfortably. Suddenly, he wishes Jordie would just go home. He’s officially no longer a Star and Jordie is, so —

“Or you could put them in your scrapbook,” Jordie says and heat of an unknown origin blooms in Jason’s body. He should have had his neighbor take the stupid picture. She’s a sweet woman in her 50s who brings him chocolate chip cookies and picks up his UPS deliveries when he’s out of town. She would have been happy to take the damn picture. 

Having Jordie do this is turning out to be awkward as shit. He’s been closer to Jordie than anyone else on the Stars but there’s an edginess between them today that Jason doesn't want to examine too closely. And he’s got no time to do it now, anyway. He’s got a fuck ton of stuff to do before he leaves for Florida tomorrow. 

He takes the papers into his bedroom where he keeps his desk. The room is pretty much wrecked, with suitcases out and clothes on hangers out of the closet and on the floor. He's going to have to save most of this packing for later in the summer. He's planning on subletting the place to one or more of the rookies who will get called up from Cedar Park but he has to clear out the majority of his stuff by the beginning of Panthers training camp in September.

He’s got stacks of paper on the desk and on top of the shredder, mostly mail that’s gathered over the summer and things he’s found stuffed in drawers and files. He’s about to grab the stack when Jordie’s voice booms out behind him, causing Jason to flinch.

“What are you, a hoarder? Where’d all this come from?” Jordie comes up behind him and pokes a finger into the stack, causing it to shift and start an avalanche onto the floor.

“Thanks, dumbass. Keep your hands to yourself, okay?” Jason elbows him out of the way and kneels down to sweep the papers back into a pile. Jordie is right there, or more specifically, his crotch is _right there_ at eye level and Jason decides to deal with the shredder later.

“You want a ride to the airport?”

 _Well, that would be weird_ , Jason says to himself as he stands up but he doesn’t say it. “Nah, man, but thanks,” he says, crossing his arms over his chest because he doesn’t know what else to do with his hands. “I’ll cab it or get an Uber.” He lowers his arms to his sides again, his hands clenched into fists. He doesn’t want to say goodbye to Jordie, maybe for months, at frigging DFW. How corny would that be?

Jordie nods but there are lines across his forehead. “You’re okay with all this, right? You’re good?”

Jason laughs but it leaves an ache in his chest. “Of course I am. I finally got the contract I’ve been waiting for. I mean, the money alone —“ Even Jason can hear how hollow the words sound.

Apparently, Jordie can, too, because his gaze hardens. “Right. All that money.”

Jason suffers through that surge of heat again but this time, he recognizes it as anger. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What?”

There’s been something simmering inside Jason all day and it starts to press in on him now, begging to be released. “What’s that fucking tone? You think it was a mistake to take the money? Lock up the rest of my career?”

“No,” Jordie throws back at him. “Of course you should have taken the money. I just —“ It’s as if Jordie runs out of steam suddenly and he rubs at the back of his neck before he answers. “I just wish you could have made it work here.” Jordie’s intense brown eyes appear tight at the corners.

Jason draws in a shallow breath and releases it quickly. “Yeah, me too. At least I had plenty of warning, you know? Not like Kevin.”

Jyrkki had been like a little bro to all the D men. It’s just part of the business that guys get moved around quickly but the guys were more than a little shaken when Jyrkki got traded for Russell at the trade deadline. 

“Yeah,” Jordie says softly. Jason stands still while Jordie’s gaze roves all over him — to his eyes, his mouth, up and down his body — and Jason’s heart is hammering so hard against his ribs that he can feel it everywhere. 

There'd always been a hot tension between him and Jordie, right from the beginning. And there'd been that one drunken exchange of gropes after a game early last season that they both pretended never happened. The attraction between them was something they left unacknowledged because they'd seen it happen between teammates before and it hardly ever worked. 

Jason doesn't know if he moves first or if Jordie does. But in the next instant, he and Jordie are kissing, rough and desperate and dirty, Jordie’s arms around Jason so tight that he can hardly breathe. 

It’s so good, just like Jason imagined it would be. Jordie’s hot mouth slides off of his and attaches to Jason’s neck, just above the neck of his tee shirt, sucking him and tasting him like he’s a starving man and Jason is a juicy snack. Jason curves his arm around Jordie’s waist and turns his head so that Jordie can keep doing what he’s doing.

Jordie’s hold on Jason loosens enough so that Jordie can grab Jason’s ass with both hands and squeeze him roughly. “We can’t fuck up team chemistry if we’re not on the same team,” Jordie says into his ear and Jason shivers from the graze of Jordie's breath against his skin, the tickle of his beard.

Jason groans and gets his mouth back on Jordie’s, tongue-fucking him like it’s the last time because Jason knows it will be. But they can finally have this, just this once. Jason will be in Florida and they will only see each other twice a season, if that. It's safe now. No harm done.

It’s easy to feel the hard length of Jordie’s dick since they’re both wearing thin athletic shorts. Jordie might as well be naked. Jason might as well be naked too, because that’s his cock straining against his own shorts and poking Jordie in the thigh. Jason pushes harder, getting the zing of pleasure up his body and Jordie exhales a hot breath into Jason’s mouth before he gives Jason’s ass another squeeze.

And Jason thinks, _what the hell_ and makes a snap decision. “I want you to fuck me,” Jason says hoarsely against Jordie’s lips, “hard enough that I’ll feel it tomorrow on the plane.”

Jordie’s eyes are half closed when he brushes his mouth against Jason’s, almost tenderly. “Yeah, man, fuck, yeah.”

Jason is glad that they’re already in the bedroom because there’s a possibility they might have wrestled each other down to the carpet otherwise. They yank off their clothes, exchanging hot looks and brief kisses all the while and Jason gets on the bed first so he can look his fill at Jordie. He’s seen Jordie without clothes plenty of times but not like this, with his big dick erect and his gaze locked onto Jason.

“Where’s your —“

“Top drawer,” Jason says, rubbing the back of his hand over his damp forehead, his gaze roaming over Jordie’s ridiculous thighs and that dick. Shit, he had always been so careful not to look too long when they were in the room or the shower, not wanting to give himself away but now he can look as long as he wants and he —-

Something hits him in the stomach and Jason realizes its his bedside bottle of lube. He looks up and Jordie grins at him. “Get yourself ready, hotshot.”

Jason laughs breathlessly and sets about doing just that. He squirts some of the cold gel on three fingers and spreads his legs apart. He works himself quickly and without care. It stings, it’s been a while for him but he wants to _feel_ it, remember this forever.

“Dude,” Jordie says and Jason looks over to see Jordie rummaging roughly through the drawer of his nightstand. “I don’t see any condoms in here.”

Jason doesn’t take his fingers out of his ass. He doesn’t want to wait any longer than he has already. “What? Are you sure?” he asks, panting heavily, his brain foggy with lust. 

“Yeah, I’m sure, there’s nothing,” Jordie says a little desperately as he turns. And he comes closer to the bed and looks Jason up and down, wetting his lips and leaning over to get a better view of what Jason is doing. “Holy shit, that’s so fucking hot —“ Jordie watches with one hand bracing himself on the mattress and one hand stroking himself, his gaze never leaving Jason.

“Come on, Jordie, just do it,” Jason whispers and when Jordie starts to speak, Jason keeps going. “We’re both clean. You are, right?” Jason moves his hips up and Jordie’s pupils are huge. “Jor, please, I want you, I want everything.” He can almost hear Jordie’s mind clicking before he climbs onto the bed and on top of Jason.

Jordie settles between his legs, lining up their cocks and rubbing against him. “Oh, God, it’s so good,” Jordie says, kissing Jason’s face, his mouth, pushing his face into Jason’s hair. “I knew it would be, wanted this for so long —“

It’s like he’s having an allergic reaction the way his skin is prickling and burning. Jason’s nipples tighten up and when Jordie spots that, he lowers his head and starts to suck on one and then the other. The sensation is connected directly to Jason’s dick and he just can’t hold on any longer.

Jason pulls at Jordie’s hair. “That’s enough, man,” he growls, “come on. Let’s do it.”

Jordie gives him one last, long, obscene lick and Jason shudders all over. “Ass,” Jason says heatedly and Jordie gives him a look that’s all raw lust and heat. 

“Yeah, ass,” Jordie says, grabbing a pillow away from near the headboard and shoving it beneath Jason. “Your ass is mine, baby.”

Jason laughs but it’s not much like a joke. That growl in Jordie’s voice hits one of Jason’s kinks and it distracts Jason for just a moment from the enormity of what’s about it happen. 

But there’s no time for deep thinking because Jason knows that this is it, this is all there is to him and Jordie and when Jordie slathers on some lube then squares up and points the tip of his dick at Jason’s hole, Jason stops thinking. He fixes his gaze on Jordie and just surrenders.

Jordie eases in at first, going slow and careful, stretching Jason by agonizing increments. The burn is familiar but also not familiar because this is Jordie and it’s like Jason’s being split apart, in more ways than one. 

His dick is throbbing between them, trapped between his stomach and Jordie’s but Jason doesn’t touch himself, not yet. He wraps a hand around Jordie’s bicep and spreads his legs wider. Jason lets Jordie take charge, listens to Jordie pant and groan and inch forward until he’s all the way in.

“Oh, fuck, Jase.” Jordie is trembling or maybe it’s just him. “You — this is so fucking good —“

“Move, Jordie,” Jason tells him, nudging him with a short upward thrust of his hips. “I said I want to feel it.”Jason wraps his legs around Jordie’s waist and that seems to do the trick.

Jordie gazes hotly down at Jason, his lips parted. His hair looks dark in the bedroom with the lights off and the blinds shut. It falls into Jordie’s eyes and he looks so beautiful like that, Jason can’t say anything else. He holds his breath.

And finally, _God, finally,_ Jordie starts to move, pulling out and shoving back into him hard. “How about that, hotshot?” Jordie asks him and his tone is cocky but the way he’s looking at Jason, with such wide-eyed eagerness, it negates all that. He thrusts into Jason twice more, each time harder than the other and Jason can’t answer him, it’s too much. It’s too good. “That what you want?”

Jordie sets up a punishing rhythm, pounding into him, using his thighs for leverage, nudging him up toward the headboard until Jason has to put a hand up against it to keep from hitting his head. They are both slick with sweat and Jordie’s thighs glide smoothly between Jason’s with every motion.

Jordie is such a fucking stud, not stopping, not slowing down, the muscles in his arms and shoulders straining as he puts all his power into every thrust. Jason closes his eyes and instinctively, he arches his back and tries to get closer to Jordie while making sure he does nothing to interrupt Jordie’s brutal cadence. “Fuck, Jordie, yeah,” Jason says and his lips are swollen from all the kissing and the words come out slurred, like he’s drunk or high, “that’s it, yessss.”

It’s how he feels right now, drunk on Jordie’s fucking amazing body and high on the smell of him, the taste of him. He doesn’t want to let go, even though his dick is so hard it hurts. With every thrust, Jordie’s stomach slides against him, a touch just firm enough to make Jason groan out loud. 

And once in a while, the tip of Jordie’s dick rubs against his prostate and Jason is sure he’s going to come without being touched. But he doesn’t, staying just on the knife’s edge of completion.

Jordie is the best Jason has ever had. 

After a few minutes, though, Jordie does slow down and then goes still above Jason, sucking in breath and swiping the back of his hand across his sweaty forehead.

“Gimme the lube,” Jordie orders him between gulps of air and Jason blindly grabs for it within the folds of the sheets. “Put some in my hand,” he says and with shaking hands, Jason gets where Jordie’s going and he does what he asks. Once that’s done, Jordie reaches between them and wraps his slick hand around Jason’s cock. 

And Jordie’s callused skin barely strokes against his skin and Jason’s whole body tenses and he comes, holding onto Jordie, his legs locked around Jordie’s waist and it’s almost painful, it’s so intense and so damned good. Jason is vaguely aware of Jordie’s thumb rubbing over his bottom lip and Jason takes it into his mouth, sucking it while he comes down.

He’s still shuddering and blinking slowly when Jordie leans down and kisses him. Jason puts both arms around Jordie’s broad shoulders and kisses him back and Jordie slams into him until he starts to come, too. Jason holds Jordie, his mouth open against Jordie’s neck, his pulse roaring in his ears, as Jordie’s dick unloads inside him and Jason wishes like holy hell that it didn’t have to end. 

He’s not really sure what’s going to happen next, especially not after Jordie kisses him one more time, softly and sweetly. But Jordie gets up almost immediately and walks into Jason’s bathroom and Jason’s afterglow takes a serious hit. 

Jason had told Jordie that he wanted to feel it tomorrow but he feels it already. His ass is on fire and the insides of his thighs twinge a little from too much stretch. Jason slowly sits up and parks himself carefully on the side of the bed. He’s not even ready to process what just happened — his brain is still stuck in a lower gear. All he knows now is that he just had the best sex of his whole life and he did it with his buddy and his former teammate who he’ll probably not see again for months. 

And there's an ache in his chest that's growing sharper. He feels that, too.

Jordie comes back into the room and hands him a wet washcloth, then shakes his head, his lips curved into an almost shy smile. “Fuck, dude, that was un-fucking believable.”

Jason wipes his belly clean with the washcloth that Jordie provided. He keeps his eyes down, glad he has something to concentrate on. “Yeah, definitely. Worth the wait, eh?” Jesus, what is Jason supposed to say now? 

“You feeling it?” Jordie asks as he steps into his shorts and pulls on his tee shirt and it makes Jason’s chest narrow in an unpleasant way, even when he grins at Jordie. He doesn’t know why Jordie _shouldn’t_ be playing this off like its a one night stand between bros because after all, isn’t that just what this is? Instead of shaking hands goodbye, he and Jordie fucked their brains out. _See ya around, pal._

Jason sets the washcloth on the nightstand and carefully he stands up. His legs wobble a little and Jordie’s come is leaking out of him, cold and uncomfortable. Suddenly, the awkwardness of earlier is back and Jason has a consuming need to grab up the sheet to cover himself. Instead, he steps into the bathroom and grabs a towel, wrapping it securely around his waist before going out into the bedroom again.

Jordie is back in his clothes already like he’s trying to win a race and Jason’s mood sours. ”I’m going to get a shower. You gonna stay around?”

Jordie’s face turns almost as red as it had been while they were in the middle of fucking. “Nah, dude, I believe I’m just going to take off.” Jason watches Jordie pull on his shoes, wishing he could move faster so Jason can get in the shower already. “You have a lot to get done here.”

“Yeah, sure. Well, I guess I’ll see you in October, right? Preseason excitement?” There's no guarantee that Jason will even make that trip so it could be the New Year's Eve game before they see each other again.

Jason can’t help but think that Jordie’s smile doesn’t reach his dark eyes. “Yeah. And look, maybe — if you want to go to the World Cup in September, just let me know. Me and Jamie are going and you know. We could — go together.”

Jason is not sure he’s ever been invited out with such obvious reluctance. “Pretty sure I’ll be in Sunset then. But I’ll let you know.”

Jordie appears to flinch a little, like he thought he was going to get a different answer. But what the hell is he supposed to say? Best just to move on as quickly as possible and put this behind them before this awkwardness becomes their norm. He’d always wondered what might happen between them if they ever had the chance. Well, now he knows.

“Okay. Well. I guess I’ll see you.” Jordie is back in his shiny basketball shorts and tee shirt, with a Stars Stanley Cup playoff cap. Just as he'd been dressed when he walked into Jason’s apartment, a million years ago.

Jordie walks closer and gives Jason a bonafide bro hug — one arm around Jason’s shoulder, their hips not touching. “See you later this season, okay? Hope you like it in Florida.”

Jason plasters on a false smile. “Oh, don’t you worry, bro, I will.”

Jordie waves and when Jason hears the front door slam shut, Jason walks gingerly into the bathroom. He just had full-on, spine-melting, soul-shattering sex with Jordie Benn. And well, that’s that.

 

______________

late July/August

Florida is not all that different from Dallas. There’s a strip mall about every 100 feet. The drivers don’t follow the speed limit or many other traffic laws. It’s hot and humid and windy, too but in Dallas, there are no gorgeous beaches within 13 miles of the practice facility and a fucking swamp across the highway.

He’d oooh-ed and ahhh-ed on his initial visit, when he and the Panthers started their talks. He’s a Quebec boy and it’s a long walk to the ocean from Montreal so the idea of actually _living_ in this amazing place excites him. Every blessed hockey media person would bring up the lack of a state income tax as the cherry on top of any offer made by a Florida team and that was a consideration but shit, Jason is just intrigued by the idea of living on the southern Atlantic coast. Plus, he’s spent the last two years in Texas so he’s now part Southern as far as he’s concerned, through and through.

Jason is in Sunset for the season ticket holders event in July at BB&T Center and he stays for five days, going through the facility, looking at a few apartments and condos with a realtor. He meets with Gallant and Tallon and he meets the other free agents and a couple of newly signed guys and he’s reunited with Scevs. All in all, it’s a great time. 

When it’s Jason’s turn to speak to the fans, he doles out the usual script. _I’m very excited blahblahblah Panthers at the top of my list blahblah can’t wait to get started._ The room is not that big but it’s packed with enthusiastic fans. It’s not Dallas but Jason really does think the Panthers will do some good things next season. Now that there’s some distance between himself and the Stars, his excitement about his new team and the new season is starting to build in earnest, turning into more than just sound bite fodder.

Sometimes, when there’s a lull in the action, his thoughts turn to Jordie — he wonders where he is, what he’s doing. After they were together, Jason waited a full four days before he bit the bullet and texted Jordie, a nonchalant “hey, what up”, for which he got no reply. Since they both have iPhones, Jason knows that Jordie read it almost immediately but chose not to respond. One night, on an impulse, Jason blocks Jordie’s number. But he unblocks it a couple days later. Not that it matters because Jordie doesn’t try to call.

He checks Jordie’s Instagram on occasion and sees Jordie with Courts, a blue body of water in the background. There’s a hilarious pic of chubby baby Jamie after he signs his monster contract. There's another pic of Jordie with Juice, Jordie stretched out on a outdoor lounge chair, looking big and buff and like a total stud.

But it's that crazy pic of Jordie with an ax over his shoulder -- a scattering of split wood and a fire at his feet, looking like the stereotypical smoking hot Canadian lumberjack -- that he can't stop looking at. Jason spends a lot of time looking at that photo, more time than he cares to admit. But Jason has become a master at blocking unnecessary noise from his brain, particularly since Jordie fucked him into the mattress so he gets past it.

After the season ticket holder event, Jason goes home to Montreal and hangs out with his family and his old buddies from the Q and he trains at his old rink. He puts off making a decision about real estate until September because he’s assured that he’ll have no trouble finding a suitable place and by then it will be time to start training at the Panthers facility in preparation for camp, so he might as well do everything at once. 

Before long, though, an odd lethargy sets in. He’s busy -- training, doing promos and interviews for the Panthers, seeing people -- but every day, eventually, Jason hits a low point, when his stomach sinks and he's overcome by homesickness for Dallas, concern about the future and something else that he can’t really describe.

It's similar to those early days after the trade from San Jose and yet different. His parents don't ask him about it but they cook his favorite meals and fuss over him and because he’s weirdly in need of some care, Jason allows it, hugging his mom more than usual and tagging along with his dad on his errands. 

He never hears from Jordie about the World Cup or anything else for that matter and he doesn’t call Jordie or text him again. He hears about Jamie’s surgery but Jason again makes the decision not to call. The Stars aren’t his team anymore. He's got to get used to that.

He went through this same thing when he was traded from the Sharks. He kept in touch with the guys but except for Cooch, who he’d known since he was in Juniors, everyone drifted away, except for an occasional shoutout on Twitter. 

So instead of calling to check on Jamie, he adds Aaron Ekblad and Keith Yandle and Mark Pysyk to his contacts and he and his mom gather his Stars gear to store away. He starts wearing Panthers gear whenever he can and he moves on. He _tries_ to move on.


	2. Chapter 2

 

Jason returns to Florida during the last weekend in August for some workouts and publicity before the big condo/apartment hunt begins and something is off from the minute he steps onto the jetway. The heat and humidity sap his energy and leave him lightheaded and nauseous. He’d been a little off during his last week in Montreal but he put it down to dread related to the upcoming intensified training sessions and training camp.

He grabs some Gatorade and a bag of Snickers Bites at the first newsstand that he comes across in the terminal, wondering if maybe his blood sugar is out of whack. He'd been a little queasy when he woke up and he didn’t eat any breakfast this morning so it’s possible. 

He opens the bag of Snickers as he’s walking and pops a couple in his mouth. Even as he’s moving, Jason closes his eyes and moans out loud. The silky, melting chocolate, the sticky caramel, the little dusting of salt on the peanuts — he doesn’t remember Snickers tasting this good _ever_. He inhales half the bag before he even gets outside.

By the time he drops his stuff off at the hotel and he gets to the BB&T, he’s a little better. Jason meets some of the guys he hadn’t met in July. He’s happy to see Sceves again and they exchange a hug before they start getting changed. Jason is glad he’ll get to see a familiar face in the locker room right away.

“You been eating candy, Daddy?” Sceves asks when they pull apart.

“What? How did you know?” Jason whispers, because he’d rather his new team not know that he’s breaking training already.

Sceves grins and points at him. “You’ve got a big smear of chocolate on your cheek. At least, I hope that’s chocolate.”

Jason swears under his breath and quickly wipes it off as more guys come into the room. “Let’s keeps this on the DL, okay, Scevsie?” Sceves pats him on the shoulder in reassurance. 

“Your secret is safe, bud.”

Training goes about as usual except for when Jason starts to get really queasy again about halfway through. He’s so nauseous, he thinks he might actually throw up. He makes it without embarrassing himself and but when the guys want to go to a nearby restaurant before the afternoon session, Jason begs off and get a ride to the hotel. He undresses as he walks into the room, stopping only long enough to crank up the AC. He dives beneath the covers and is asleep within seconds.

 

______

 

He’s not sure what wakes him up — the sound of someone beating on the door or the ringtone of his phone. Both sounds clamoring at him for dominance, Jason ignores the phone in favor of crawling out of bed and stumbling toward the door.

Through his bleary eyes, Jason recognizes one of the Panthers PR assistants who had been backstage at the ticket holder event. Behind him is a very nervous-looking woman in a blue blazer with a name tag embossed with the hotel logo.

“Jason, are you okay?” the assistant asks, his voice high with apprehension. “Do you need a doctor?”  
Now that he’s upright, he's nauseous again and his brain is having trouble processing. “What? No, I don’t need a doctor. What’s wrong? What happened?”

The assistant turns to the hotel employee. “Thank you for your help. Everything is fine now.”

The woman gives them a look that says she isn’t buying that but she wishes them both a good day and walks away down the hall. Jason moves aside to let the assistant in. “It’s almost three o’clock. You were due at the IceDen —“

“Oh, shit, shit, shit.” The facts kick in at that point and Jason starts flipping on lights and pulling on his clothes. “I forgot to set my alarm. I just needed a nap. What have I missed?”

“They were just about to take the ice when I left to come here. Don’t worry,” the assistant says in a very soothing voice, “we’re only about five minutes away. Are you sure you’re all right? You don’t look so great.”

Jason isn’t sure at all. He really wants to sleep for another few hours and his stomach is — _fuck._. But hey, he plays hockey for a living so he smiles at the guy in the Panthers red polo shirt. “I’m good,” Jason says, “let me grab my shoes and my pants and we’re outta here.”

_______

 

All in all, it’s a pretty damned auspicious beginning to his career with the Panthers. Jags chirps him, as do most of the other guys. But he gets through it. 

“Was he like this with the Stars, Sceves?” Yandle asks when they’re changing in the room later. 

The nausea and dizziness Jason has been fighting is worse than ever but he notices Sceves frown a little at Yandle. Jason knows what he’s going through. Yandle was always a thorn in the Stars’ side. Being his teammate is going to take a bit of adjustment.

“He’s fine,” Sceves says, and Jason smiles his appreciation at his neutral response. 

Thankfully, Jason doesn’t have to turn down anymore invitations as most of the guys go their separate ways. Sweating and shaking by the time he makes it back to the privacy of his hotel room, Jason immediately crawls back into bed, his arms crossed over his churning stomach. It takes every bit of will power he has not to heave what little he’s eaten today all over the sheets.. _Just a stomach thing_ , he tells himself, _nothing to worry about_. It’s weird because he actually has an iron stomach; he’s always been ridiculously immune to digestive complaints. But there’s a first time for everything and Jason decides to just try and sleep it off. A few hours of uninterrupted sleep and everything will be better in the morning.

Except the next morning, Jason is running for the toilet before he’s fully awake, even though he’d hardly eaten anything in the last 24 hours. And during a lull from the dry heaving, Jason sits down on the tile floor and leans his sweaty head back against the tub. _Great,_ he thinks, swallowing convulsively and trying to keep from retching again. _Just great._

 

______________

 

“Come on, Daddy, what the fuck? Move your fucking ass.”

If he had the energy, Jason would take a moment to shoot a glare at the Panthers’ assistant D coach, whoever the fuck he is. Jason can hardly remember his own name right now he’s so out of breath, much less anyone else’s. He is moving his legs _and_ his ass, but it’s like he’s skating in hip-deep water. Plus, he deeply resents someone he hardly even knows calling him Daddy.

It’s not a full-on training session; the Panthers just want him to go through the drills with their staff for a couple of hours. But it isn’t going well and that freaks Jason out. He’s never had any problems keeping up before. Hell, he’s had to fight and scratch for every minute of ice time from his first day in the NHL. He knows how to fight through. 

He honestly doesn’t understand what’s happening to him. It was an adjustment going from San Jose to Texas, getting used to the scorching heat and humidity but Jason thought he had adapted pretty well. Florida is more of the same but since he’s been here, something is wrong and Jason just doesn't get it. 

He’d spent 45 minutes hung over the toilet this morning. He didn’t recover enough to dress until he was able to choke down some leftover Snickers Bites and a little flat Coke. He didn’t throw up again once he got to the IceDen but only because he was concentrating very hard on not doing it. Concentrating more on that than on his skating, apparently.

At the end of the session, the coach, Mike Kelly, calls him over. Jason braces himself for a chewing out but he gets a touch on the shoulder and a frown of concern instead. “What’s going on? What’s wrong?”

For a second, Jason considers an outright lie. But he’s mindful that there are legal matters at hand here — this is his team. He’s required to disclose any condition that could affect his performance, even if he doesn’t know what that condition is. And he’s fighting his urge to gag when he gives what he hopes is a plausible explanation.

“I don’t know,” Jason finally admits softly. “I don’t have any juice and I’ve felt like shit since I got here.” Jason puts his hand over his stomach to convey the problem without actually admitting it.

Kelly shakes his head. “You need to get checked out.”

Jason’s already unsettled stomach clenches. This can’t happen. He just signed with the Panthers. This is not the way to start off with a new team, slacking off because he has a stomachache. 

“Listen, I only have two more days here then I’m going back to Dallas. I’ll see my doctors in Dallas, okay? Just, please keep this between us for now. I’ll take care of it in Dallas and everything will be straight when I come back for camp.”

Kelly looks at him doubtfully but finally he nods. “Okay. I’ll say you have a virus because you know, they _will_ ask. But if you come back and you’re still no better, or you can’t make it through the next two days, I’m going to have to let Gerard know.”

Jason thanks him and takes a quick shower. He has an appointment to look at condos but he cancels it in favor of laying on his hotel bed in a fetal position. It’s the fourth day in a row that he’s been so nauseous that he can’t eat anything but an occasional nibble off a Hershey bar that he bought downstairs. He’s dizzy and he’s so fucking tired. And he’s starting to wonder if it’s just a stomach virus.

What if — shit, what if it’s something serious? What if it’s something that could end his career? Mike was right — he needs to get checked. Jason has never felt so awful. And when he’s not throwing up, he can barely keep his eyes open. He sleeps deeply for hours and wakes up and he’s still tired. He’s never experienced this before in his life.

He’s sure he’s not running a fever and he’s got no other symptoms but the nausea and the lack of energy. But it’s such a fucked up time to do this. He hasn’t played one shift of one game for the Panthers and if he can’t figure this out, he won’t be able to. 

He wishes he could talk to somebody about it. But he doesn’t want to talk to the Panthers MDs. He doesn’t even know them yet. He’s much more comfortable with the idea of his personal doctor in Dallas giving him the news, whatever it may be. But Jason just needs to sound this out with someone he trusts.

He can’t call his family — no need to upset them until he knows what’s going on. He thinks briefly about Jordie or Jamie but Jason nixes that idea almost immediately. Besides, he hasn’t talked to Jordie in weeks, not since — well, Jordie is out.

There’s really only one choice. The night before he leaves for Dallas, he makes the call.

“Hey, fucker,” Cooch says as soon as he connects, “about time you called. What the hell are you up to?”

“Working, same as you, dumb ass,” Jason says. His voice is a little high with nervous energy. “Or are the guys who made the Final allowed to slack off for the summer?”

“Ha fucking ha. No, seriously, why haven’t you invited me down to your beach estate yet? I can show you some of the things I learned from Game 5. You know, when I got first star?”

“Yeah, the press box was high as fuck that night. And I’m still in a hotel. By the way, if you wanted to relay some intel, you could have told me when you had that big party in your new pool. I saw the pics, dude.”

“Weren’t you in Hawaii then? I could have postponed the party if _I_ was in Hawaii, too, you ass.”

Jason’s mind wanders back to that trip. He’d felt great during the entire two weeks, no sign of any problem. It was two months later that the shit hit the fan. He recalls that old cliche about not appreciating your health until you lose it. Right then and there, Jason promises himself he’ll start to eat better and take better care of himself as soon as this is over and he gets a clean bill of health.

“You still there?” 

Jason swallows hard. “Yeah. Uh, listen. There’s something going on and I just wanted to — I’m sick, Cooch,” he says and just speaking the words out loud rocks Jason’s world for a couple of seconds.

“Well, duh. I’ve known that since —“

“No, dude, I’m serious. I’m going to have to see my doctor in Dallas.” 

Cooch doesn’t say anything for a while. Then, his voice comes across the line, even and calm. “Did you get hurt? Concussion symptoms?”

“No. Nothing like that.”

“Do they know what’s wrong?”

“No, I haven’t told anyone yet.” Jason explains to him what’s been happening and the conversation with Mike today. “I talked him into not saying anything for now. But I have to see my doctor in Dallas or he’s going to go to Gallant.”

“Okay, well, see what the doc in Dallas says. I mean, it’s probably something stupid, like an ulcer or your appendix or something. It would be just like you to have some bullshit condition that’s just needs a couple of shots or some pills.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Jason says automatically, but he doesn’t believe it. There’s some instinct inside him that’s telling him it’s more serious than that but he doesn’t dare jinx himself and speak it out loud.

“When are you going back to Dallas?”

Jason rubs at his eyes. He’s so tired of dealing with this, whatever _this_ is. “Tomorrow.”

“So I’m going to come down for a few days.”

Relief floods Jason’s aching body and he fucking loves Cooch so much. “You don’t have to do that.”

“I’m not doing it for you. I was planning to get away from here for a while. Plus, you know what? It’s true what they say about pools. They do require a shit ton of maintenance. I’m exhausted over here.”

Jason laughs but his chest is heavy with dread and fear.

 

___________

_September_

Jason throws up the morning of his doctor’s appointment. He forgets to tell Cooch not to use the coffeemaker since the smell makes Jason hurl now. So he wakes up and catches the scent of what used to be his favorite coffee — Vanilla Hazelnut Caramel — and he just makes it to the bathroom.

Cooch is guilty afterward and he immediately opens a window and goes to brush his teeth but he still yells at Jason for not giving him a heads-up. With so many changes in his life lately, the fact that Cooch is exactly the same calms Jason a little.

He lets Cooch come into the doctor’s office with him. He wonders if its a mistake after the doc reveals that the Sharks are one of his bandwagon teams and how awesome was that series against Nashville? Cooch eats it up and slaps Jason on the thigh and preens like an idiot and Jason would like very much to punch him but he’s afraid all the movement necessary would make him puke.

“So, what’s wrong with my boy, doc?” Cooch asks after Jason describes his symptoms.

Jason doesn’t like the little frown on his doc’s narrow face. “Well, we’ll do some blood work right away. That should rule a few things out and a physical exam will be very informative as well.” He gets up and walks to the door. “Logan, if you wouldn’t mind having a seat in the waiting room now?”

Cooch lifts his fist up for a bump and Jason bumps him, watching him leave with a little sadness. Cooch isn’t much but he’s Jason’s and Jason really wishes he could stay. In fact, though he’d never admit it, he kind of wishes his mom was here.

The doctor directs him to the lab, where he’s given a cup to piss in and he gets half a gallon of blood drawn. He’s never had a phobia about needles or blood but Jason keeps his head averted just in case because he never knows what will set him off these days. The plane ride from Florida to Texas had been a nightmare that he never wants to repeat.

In the exam room, Jason has to get into one of those thin, scratchy cotton gowns with the split up the back and a nurse stands discreetly by while the doctor pokes and prods him. He even gets a gloved finger shoved up his ass and that worries him more than anything because what would _that_ have to do with being nauseous? 

And then he’s back in the doctor’s wood paneled office, unable to sit still on the leather chair in front of his desk. Waiting, waiting —

Jason jumps when the door opens. “Okay, Jason, I’ve got some very preliminary results from your lab work,” he says as he walks behind his desk and sits down, opening a folder in front of him. “There doesn’t appear to be anything worrisome here. It will take a day or two to get the complete results. But I’ve ordered a specialized test.” 

“For what?” Jason asks sharply. _Shit, here it comes._

The doctor takes an infuriating amount of time to close the folder before he goes on. “From your symptoms and your physical exam, I’m fairly certain that you’re pregnant.”

For a second or two, Jason is sure he’s misunderstood. “I — I’m — pregnant?”

“The blood test I’ve ordered will be more conclusive but yes, I believe —“

“Pregnant?” Jason repeats louder and he’s laughing, bending over in the chair and laughing his ass off. He’s so relieved. He’s going to play hockey again and he’s not dying and he’s not fired.

“Jason?”

He looks up, wiping tears of an unknown origin out of his eyes. “Shit, Doc, I thought I was dying. I thought I’d never play again. But I’m pregnant.” As Jason catches his breath, his brain catches up and the smile fades from his lips. “Wait. Pregnant? B-but I’ve been tested. No one in my family ever —“

“Those tests aren’t 100 percent, Jason, you know that. Now do you remember when you last had unprotected sex?”

Jason grips the cushioned arms of the chair. Hell, yes, he remembers. “Oh, shit. No,” he breathes out harshly.

“No, you can’t remember or —“

“No. I mean, no, this can’t be happening.” He looks up at the doctor in confusion. “It was just once,” he explains weakly, aware that he sounds like an immature teenager but still looking for a loophole out of this new nightmare.

The doctor nods patiently. “Yes. That’s the way it works sometimes. Is Logan the father?” he asks and considering their earlier conversation, Jason can’t help but think the doctor would be delighted at that prospect.

Jason shakes his head, miserable and sick all over again. “No, it’s someone else.”

“Do you remember when you were together? Sometime in July, maybe? Late June?”

Jason closes his eyes. He knows exactly when it was. “July 2. Definitely July 2.”

The doctor looks at his desk calendar. “Okay. So you’re almost — nine weeks along. That means a due date around April 1.”

Jason laughs humorlessly. Of course. April Fools Day. The final pieces of the puzzle are coming together.

“If it’s any consolation, you’re not likely to go to term. Male pregnancies rarely do.”

“Fantastic. That’s great.” His head is fuzzy enough without everything he’s had thrown at him today. He’s getting a cramp in his forearms and he realizes that he’s got a death grip on the arms of the chair and he lets them go. He starts to get up when a thought causes him to freeze in place. 

“Doc, I’ve been drinking,” he says, his throat tight with fear. “I mean, not lately but this one night, around the end of July —“ He’d been so pissed at Jordie and his being an asshole that, one night, about three weeks after they’d fucked, Jason had gone out with his boys and he’d gotten pretty lit.

His doctor frowns. “Well, it’s something to monitor and be sure to tell your obstetrician but if it was just a one-off, I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

“What if I don’t want to keep it?” Jason blurts it out, suddenly guilty and scared shitless but fuck, it’s his right and he has to find out about this.

His doctor doesn’t even blink. There’s no judgement there. “If that’s the case, you need to make a decision quickly. Terminating a male pregnancy is extremely dangerous after 12 weeks. I’m not saying its not possible but there are serious risks and side effects involved and you should keep that in mind.” 

The doctor goes on, about referrals and vitamins and no heavy lifting. He hands Jason a print out with the names of a couple of obstetricians that specialize in male pregnancy but Jason’s brain reaches maximum overload and he mumbles a goodbye and flees.

Jason walks into the waiting room, numb all over. Cooch stands up and opens the door for him. Jason walks through it and down the hall. Cooch doesn’t say or ask Jason anything until they get to the car. Jason reaches for the AC control and turns it all the way up, adjusting the vents so that the flow of cold air hits him right in the face.

“What did he say, bro?”

Jason groans and leans his head against the warm window glass. “Drive, dude. I want to get home first.”

Cooch is the best. He doesn’t say anything about anything, allowing Jason to wallow in panic without interruption. Jason is going to owe him big time when this is all over.

Jason closes his eyes and moans a little. Oh, shit, this can’t be happening. He’s going to have a fucking baby? No wonder he’s felt like shit. He’s growing a human being in his gut. And he’s got _seven_ more months of this. How do people survive it? Clearly, he has not appreciated his mom nearly enough.

If he has this kid, he’ll lose an entire season at the very least and with his brand new team. Jason just turned 28 in June — he’s in the prime of his career. To throw away an entire season right now could be the beginning of the end. And what would he do with a kid while he’s out on a road trip? Training? Game days? He always pictured a future with kids but with a partner who could help him and who he could help. Not like this.

And Jordie. Jason has to fight the urge to heave when he thinks about Jordie. Holy shit, how can he tell Jordie? _Should_ he tell Jordie? Should he just flush this kid and let his body heal? Try to pretend it never happened and never let on to anyone for the rest of his life? The questions and the dire possibilities just keep coming at him and piling on until Jason is paralyzed with fear.

Jason is so unsteady on his feet that Cooch has to put an arm around him to walk him into his building. Once inside, Cooch puts him onto the sofa, brings him a glass of water and makes him drink some down. And then, he sits next to Jason and says calmly, “Okay. Now tell me what the fucking doctor said or I’m going to burn this place to the ground.”

He takes a deep breath and just spits it out. “I’m going to have a baby.”

If it were any other time, Jason would laugh his ass off at the stupid look on Cooch’s ugly mug. His eyes get wide, his mouth drops open and starts moving with no sound coming out.

“You’re — but you’re not —“ He gestures wildly at Jason’s belly. “There’s a — a _baby_ in there?”

Jason drops his head back against the sofa cushion. “That’s what the man said.”

There’s a beat of time in which Cooch just stares at him. Then he starts to laugh, falling off the sofa and onto the floor where he rolls around and into the furniture. Jason can only shake his head and wait for him to finish. It's annoying but he can’t really blame Cooch too much. If the situation were reversed, Jason can’t say he wouldn’t be doing exactly the same thing. And knowing that eases the anxiety inside him and his whole body unclenches.

Cooch finally drags himself over to where Jason is sitting, grabbing his ankle and looking up at Jason with wet eyes. “Bro — this is in-fucking-credible,” he chokes out. “Didn’t I tell you it was gonna be some bullshit reason that you were so sick? You thought you were dying, didn’t you?”

“Maybe,” Jason responds defensively. “You did, too. Why else are you here?”

“I told you. The pool.” Still giggling a little, Cooch pulls himself back onto the sofa next to Jason. “Daddy’s going to be a Daddy, oh, holy shit, I can’t wait to tell the boys. Though technically, you’re going to be a Mommy, eh?”

Jason stares down at the floor. “Don’t tell anybody yet. I don’t know whether I’m going to be anything.”

Cooch stops laughing. “You’re going to get rid of it?”

“I don’t know, dude. I just signed with the fucking Panthers. How can I take a year off to have a baby?”

“Well, if you decide to have it, they can’t fire you. You’re legally protected, so there’s that.” 

“But what’s having a kid doing to do to my body? My game?”

“Well, to start with, your body is nothing to brag about anyway.” Cooch ducks when Jason tries to slap him in the back of the head. “And don’t get me started on your game. But other guys have done it. You could do it.”

Jason frowns at him. “You think I ought to keep it?”

Cooch squirms a little. “Bro, I’m not telling you what to do. It’s your choice. I mean, I have no idea what I’d do if it was me.”

“I have to make a decision fast,” Jason says. “I have three weeks to decide. Which is also when camp starts in Sunset.”

Cooch half turns on the sofa so that he’s facing Jason. “Dude, who’s the other dad? You been seeing someone?”

“No. It was just one time.”

Cooch winces. “One night stand? Oh, wow, that sucks.”

“No, it wasn’t like that.” Jason pauses to choose his words with care. “It was someone I know but we were never — it was just a one time thing.” 

The memories of that day rush back at him and leave Jason hollow and unhappy. Not one phone call from Jordie in two months and that fucking text unanswered. If Jordie is so disinterested in him now, Jason can't see that changing if there's a baby added to the mix. Probably just the opposite.

“Somebody I know?”

Jason groans. “You mind if I don’t tell you right now, bro? Depending on what I decide, I might want to just forget this whole thing ever happened and never talk about it again.”

“Yeah, I hear ya. Now. Come here.”

Jason looks at him with confusion before Cooch reaches for him and pulls him into a hug. It’s not all that unusual for Cooch, except he’s usually downed a few shots first. Jason smiles and leans into it because if anyone deserves a fucking hug around here, it’s Jason.

“I’m with you, no matter what. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, I know, now get away from me before your smell makes me hurl.”

Cooch screams a little and jumps to his feet. “You’re my boy and all that but if you vomit on me, I’m gonna freak out.”

Jason grins. “Like you’ve never spewed on me.”“Alcohol-related spewing is different. So now that the big mystery is solved and you’re gonna live, I’m going to get something to eat. You want anything?”

Jason has been making Cooch get his food out since he’s so sensitive to odors. He’s guilty about it but Cooch hasn’t complained.

“Something sweet,” Jason answers, as he usually does because lukewarm or cold desserts seem to be the only food that doesn’t cause his stomach to rebel.

“Gotcha. Be back later,” Cooch says, pausing before adding, “ _Daddy_ ,” with a stupid looking toothy smile. Jason throws a pillow at him and he escapes out the door.

Once he’s alone, Jason takes a long, hot shower, barely nauseous at the moment and determined to take advantage of it. He can’t help but wonder if finally knowing what’s going on with his body hasn’t helped to relieve some of his symptoms.

He’s in the midst of the automatic process of getting soaped up when he stops and looks down at his abdomen. It doesn’t look any differently than it has and when he carefully slides his hand over it, it doesn’t feel any differently, either.

But later, when he gets into bed dressed in a tee shirt and loose pajama pants, Jason puts his hand on the same spot again and just lets it rest there lightly while he breathes in and out, his hand rising and falling when the gravity of the responsibility he has hits him. What he decides in the next couple of weeks, no matter what he decides, it’s going to change his life forever. 

 

___________

 

Cooch leaves two days later, once he’s sure that Jason is stable enough and well enough to be left alone. But not before he goes to the grocery store and brings back a couple bags of frozen pies and ice cream and chocolate bars so that Jason will have something to eat. Not only that but he cleaned up the place, too -- putting clothes back in the closet and spending nearly half an hour shredding Jason's stack of papers. 

Cooch is so going to own Jason for the rest of his life.

He’s pretty worked up as they say goodbye at the door. Jason puts it down to the pregnancy because ordinarily, he’s really not _that_ guy. Jason doesn’t cry at movies or Humane Society commercials and he makes a practice of making fun of those who do. So to find himself in this position, clinging to his buddy and sighing wetly against his collar, is disconcerting to say the least.

“Bro, you gonna be okay?” Cooch says when he unwinds Jason’s arms from their death grip around his neck.

Jason sniffs and wipes his eyes as casually as he can. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he says, trying his hardest to pretend like teary-eyed goodbyes are nothing out of the norm for them. 

But Cooch has known him way too long for that to work. He adjusts his back pack on his shoulder and looks at Jason closely. “I don’t know if you want to hear this but I’m gonna say it anyway. Call him.”

“What?”

“You said the other dad is a friend of yours. Well, fucking call him. Tell him what’s going on and get the asshole down here to help out. It’s not like you got knocked up by somebody you don’t care about, right?”

Jason shakes his head before Cooch has even stopped talking. “We’re not like that.”

“Now, see, I don’t get that. You’re my bro and I love you and all that, but I’ve never once wanted to get naked with you.”

Jason shudders at the image that puts in his head. “Oh, god, stop talking.”

Cooch points a finger at him. “Exactly. If you’re just friends with somebody, that’s not an issue that ever comes up. You don’t want to admit it but you’re not just friends with this guy.”

Anger flares inside Jason and he slaps Cooch’s pointy finger down. “I’m not sure we were friends to begin with. The prick hasn't even called since that day.”

“I don’t know if you’re aware of this but these days, phones are two-way devices. You can make _and_ receive calls.”

Jason grits his teeth together. “I’m not calling that fucker. If he wants to talk to me —“

Cooch holds up his hands. “Okay, okay, jesus. This is sounding more and more like Grade 8 drama. You got a bun in the oven, dude. Man up and call your man.”

Jason isn’t teary-eyed anymore when he slams the door in Cooch’s face and stomps back to his bedroom. 

“Grade 8 my ass,” Jason mutters himself. “As if.”

He’s laying in bed with his phone when he gets a text a few minutes later.

_u can’t stay mad at me_

He gives it a few minutes before he responds.

_cuz u still owe me $$ from the Jays rangrs series n may_

_call me ltr loser_

Jason sends a row of shit icons back and quickly falls asleep.

____________

 

His king sized bed becomes his nest, his fortress of solitude. He has radio interviews lined up over the next few days and he does them all from the warm cocoon of his cotton sheets and blankets and a mound of fluffy pillows. He just moves the pillows aside when he does a FaceTime interview with a Florida TV station. 

Jason watches TV, messes with his iPad and he sleeps. He sleeps a lot. He’s never slept so much in his life. He can’t get enough and he sleeps heavier than he ever did before.

The first time Jason dreams about the baby he’s sleeping in the middle of the day, the blinds shut against the bright summer daylight.

In the dream, he’s on the ice, in Victory green for warmup. He skates out and takes a few turns around their end of the ice, shoots a few pucks. Jamie bumps shoulders with him and everyone seems loose and ready. The other end of the ice is so far away, he can’t see who they’re playing. The ice seems to stretch out forever and Jason squints but he can’t make out the jerseys.

He skates over to the bench to get a drink but instead of handing him a bottle of Gatorade, one of the equipment guys hands him a baby, wrapped up in a star studded white blanket. Jason is uneasy about taking it but no one blinks an eye at this turn of events. 

It’s a sturdy weight in his arms, small yet solid. The baby is sleeping, a little fist jammed up against its tiny chin. Jason looks around for help, not sure what he’s supposed to do but everyone is busy with pregame stuff and they don’t pay him any notice.

It’s a boy; he’s not sure how he knows that but he does. Jason drops one of his gloves and reaches out to touch him, lightly sweeping the tip of his finger over the baby’s cheek and encountering skin so soft Jason can hardly feel it. The kid stirs at Jason’s touch, turning his head toward it and smacking his lips. Very slowly, the slits of his eyes blink open and Jason looks down into eyes that are a familiar, rich brown. 

Jason wakes up and he looks around in panic for the baby and when he realizes that it was only a dream, he lays down again, struggling to catch his breath. It had seemed so real, that little bundle in his arms. _Jordie’s baby_ , Jason says to himself, with a shiver, _our baby._

 

___________________

 

Days pass, then a week and Jason keeps dreaming about babies. He starts to contemplate hockey genes and college versus the Q and the 2034 draft. Jordie is 6’2”, Jason is 6'1" and their kid will probably be taller, maybe in the 6’4 range. The little dude could be the greatest D-man to ever finish off a check. Every time he dreams of the baby, it’s a boy and Jason starts to accept it as fact.

He continues to lie to the people closest to him. His parents, his brother, a few guys from the Stars. They call and ask him how it’s going, how he’s liking Florida and Jason lies to every one of them. He doesn’t have to lie to Jordie because Jordie doesn’t call.

It hurts that he doesn’t hear from Jordie. Every time he scrolls through that stupid three word text in his mind, heat rises in Jason’s face. He seriously considers not telling Jordie, not telling anyone who the other father of his baby is. But Jason wavers on a regular basis. The clock is ticking down on this, so loudly Jason is sure he can hear it.

Cooch is the only one he can be straight with. 

“Bro, you should call your agent. He’s gonna need some lead time on this, no matter what you do.”

Jason sighs. He knows Cooch is right. “Yeah, I’ve been putting it off, but yeah. I gotta call him.”

“And the dude you made the kid with? Why not give him a ring while you’re at it? Nothing too gaudy. Just a simple gold band should do the trick.”

Cooch is enough of an egomaniac on a daily basis but since he was named as Jamie’s replacement on Canada’s World Cup team, his head is bigger than ever. “Shut up,” Jason tells him just before he hangs up.

The next morning, Jason works up a little courage and makes the call. Well. One of them, anyway.

“Jason, how’s it going?”

Jason swallows hard. It’s one of those mornings when his gag reflex is right on the edge. “Listen, I need you to come to Dallas. There — might be a situation.”

His agent’s voice is steely and calm, just like always. “A situation? You want to elaborate on that?”

“It’s best if I explain once you get here. And — you might be here for a couple days so —“

“I could be there tomorrow afternoon. I’ll text you my flight information.”

“You’ll need to take a cab or hire a car to bring you here. I can’t pick you up.”“Is this a medical situation or a legal one?”

“Uh, a little of both. I’ll explain everything when I see you, okay?”

His agent makes a frustrated sound. “All right. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Jason just manages to hang up before he has to run for the bathroom.

_____________

 

That night, Jason turns in early but only sleeps in fits and starts, unlike the coma-like slumbers he’s been succumbing to. He has to tell his agent everything tomorrow and he still doesn’t know what he’s going to say. Or what he’s going to do.

There will be no going back once his agent talks to the Panthers. But no matter what he decides, he won’t be at camp. At his first appointment with the specialist, the doctor told him if he decides on an abortion, in the best case scenario, it would be at least two weeks before he could start to skate again and it would be still longer before he could make it out of the red jersey. Jason turns over and over in bed, trying to will himself to sleep but his mind won’t stop running.

He must catch a few minutes, though, because the next thing he’s aware of, he’s jolted out of sleep by his phone vibrating and ringing on his bedside table. Jason swears as he turns on the lamp and checks his digital alarm clock.

1:37AM.

He grabs his phone and squints at the caller ID. It’s Jordie.

Immediately, Jason’s head is filled with worst case scenarios and swipes hard to the right. “Jordie? What’s wrong?”

“I hate you, y’ dick.”

“It’s one thirty in the fucking morning.”

“Shuddup, assh,” and that’s when Jason realizes — he’s drunk. “Why don’ y’ call me ‘ny more?” 

“I could ask you the same thing, bud,” Jason says roughly. 

“Ever’thin’ s diff’ent now. W’fucked it up.” Jordie's voice changes, becoming less angry and more sad. “G’dammit, Jason, don’ you’ ver think ‘bout it? Issh jus’ me? Cuz I wanna do it s’ more. Wanna fuck you, Jase, ev’ry night, ev’ry day, I fuckin’ hate you right now —”

Heat curls low in his belly, for probably the first time since he was with Jordie, the first time in weeks. Jordie’s drunk, Jason knows this. But it doesn’t stop Jason from remembering that day in sharp detail. “Drink some water and go to sleep, Jordie,” Jason says softly. “I’ll talk t-“

“Fuck you f’ takin’ the money,” Jordie says in a small, hurt tone. “It chan’ed ever’thing. Why didn’ you stay w’ me —“

Abruptly Jordie’s voice is cut off and there is a sound of a scuffle in the background and then labored breathing. “Fuck, I just step away for two seconds to take a damn leak.” It’s Jamie’s voice and he sounds a little drunk but not nearly as drunk as Jordie. “Who is this?”

“Chubbs, what the hell is going on there?”

“Sorry, Daddy. I’ve been trying to keep the phone away from him. He’s been threatening this shit all night. So what’s going on with you two?”

Jason sighs and turns over onto his side. “It’s complicated, dude.”

“Yeah, no shit. He’s pretty fucked up over something but he won’t tell me what.”

“I’m sorry, Chubbs. Like I said, it’s complicated,” Jason says because, dammit, he’s so fucking confused right now. Maybe Jordie is just talking out of his head because he’s wasted. Maybe he doesn’t know what he was saying. Yeah, that’s probably it.

“Well, whatever. Since I have you here, how are things? It’s working out in Florida?”

Jason coughs to disguise his extreme discomfort with this question. “Yeah, it’s good. It’s not Dallas but it’s okay.”

“I wish it could have worked out here. But I hope the Panthers are good to you. I’d hate to have to fuck up some of your teammates on the ice. Or even out in the parking lot.”

Jason laughs lightly. “I don’t think you’d hate it too much.”

“Maybe not. Well, this loser has finally passed out. I gotta try to get him into bed. Take care, Daddy. And call us once in a while. And don’t mention this to him, okay? I’m going to save it for blackmail later.”

Jason smiles sadly. “Sure, Chubbs. Take care of him.” Jason hangs up. He tosses his phone aside and lays in bed for a long time. And when he finally closes his eyes, he sleeps dreamlessly until late into the morning.

 

_________

 

When Jason’s agent arrives at his apartment, he’s irritable and his face is red and sweaty. “What the fuck? It’s like 45 out there.” He drops his carry-on at the door and drops down onto the sofa, gratefully accepting the bottle of cold water and damp hand towel Jason hands him.

Jason grins at him. “You’re in Texas now. It’s actually only 98 today. You get used to it.”

His agent greedily downs half the bottle then slants a mildly hostile look at Jason. “Yes, you’ve completely assimilated to the American South.” He takes one more swig and rubs the towel over his face before putting the cap back on the bottle and looks up at Jason. “Okay. You’ve kept me in suspense long enough. What is going on?”

Jason’s smile never wavers. “I’m pregnant.”

His agent reacts pretty much like Cooch had, with an open mouth and gobsmacked expression. “Holy shit.”

“And I guess we’d better get Florida on the phone,” Jason goes on, as focused and sure as he’s been in weeks. “Because I’m having this kid.”


	3. Chapter 3

They set up a video conference call at one of the big law firms downtown for the next day. It’s Sunday so the offices are a bit more empty, decreasing the likelihood that he’ll be found out. Not that he’s showing or that the Stars are the number one show in town, but every little bit helps.

It was Jordie’s drunk dial that turned Jason from wishy-washy to solid. Hearing that Jordie still wanted him planted a seed of optimism in Jason’s mind. Maybe it wasn’t a declaration of love. But clearly, Jordie doesn't hate him and Jason feels it’s something they can build on. Eventually. For their kid’s sake.

Jason is having a pretty good day as far as the morning sickness goes, and after his initial morning nausea, he’s cruising. He’s wearing a dress shirt over his tee shirt and he’s wearing shorts because no one is going to see him from the chest down anyway.

Now that he’s made up his mind, he’s not even worried about what the Panthers will or won’t do. He’s frigging having Jordie Benn’s baby and whether Jordie wants to be involved or not, Jason wants the kid. He’s positive he’s made the right decision.

It doesn’t, however, stop Jason from enduring a little guilt about the spot he’s put the Panthers in.

“Should I apologize?” Jason asks as the elevator takes them up to the 28th floor.

His agent frowns at him. “For what? You didn’t do anything wrong. No apologies. And I’ll do the talking unless you’re directly asked a question, which you won’t be.”

There’s a pretty awesome view of downtown from the wall to wall windows in the conference room but Jason hardly notices. The first glimpse of the Panthers group on the monitor makes Jason sink a little lower in his chair. Coach Gallant is there, with Dale Tallon and Mr. Viola along with a few other people that Jason assumes are lawyers. And everybody looks tense as hell.

“Thank you for meeting us today,” Jason’s agent begins when everyone is set and Jason braces himself, watching the vid screen with dread rolling around in his gut that has nothing to do with the baby. “Jason has just gotten some very unexpected news and of course, we wanted the Panthers organization to know immediately. I won’t keep you in suspense any longer. Jason is pregnant. The baby should be born in late March.”

It’s like he’s tuned into a reality show. Jason gaze stays glued to the video screen to see who’s going to make the first move. Gallant smiles a little and looks at Tallon and Tallon looks at Mr. Viola, who, surprisingly, seems to handle the news best. He nods and leans forward on the table in front of him.

“Well, congratulations are in order, Jason. But I must say, I didn’t know this was even a possibility for you.”

Jason starts to speak and his agent puts his hand on his arm. “Yes, sir, it was a surprise to Jason, too. Jason’s gene testing result was negative in 2000 at his twelfth birthday. If we need to deliver a copy —“ 

“Okay, we got it. He was negative,” Tallon interrupts impatiently and then, leans over to speak softly to Mr. Viola. And Mr. Viola nods and says into the camera, “So, let’s talk terms.”

The meeting descends into a polite recitation of legal mumbo jumbo at that point. His agent reminds the Panthers that, according to the guidelines set forth by the CBA, Jason is entitled to take as much time as necessary to accomplish both a healthy gestation and a full recovery. And thanks to the new laws designed to protect both genders during pregnancy, he’ll continue to receive a three quarters of his full salary.

The Panthers, in turn, remind Jason and his agent that, in order to keep his insurance coverage, he is required to check in with their own doctors on a regular basis, as often as is reasonable for Jason. After a little negotiation, all sides agree that exams at six to eight week intervals are reasonable, unless and until such time that his doctor declares Jason unable to travel. 

“I think both sides will agree,” Tallon says, “that a formal announcement of Jason’s new long-term IR status will be withheld until the first day of training camp.”

“Agreed. And the release of any specific details of Jason’s condition will be at Jason’s sole discretion,” his agent adds.

The Panthers all nod and the meeting ends with the Panthers side expressing their congratulations and their hopes for next season. 

“Thank you, Mr. Viola,” Jason says sincerely. He’d really liked Mr. Viola when they’d met and loved his optimism about the team. Even though his agent said he didn’t owe anyone an apology, Jason has just thrown a sizable wrench into the Panthers plans and he doesn’t feel great about it.

“Good luck, Jason. Let’s meet up when you come back to Sunset.”

“Yes, sir.”

Everyone gets up from their respective tables and the video feed continues for a few seconds. And Jason thinks, just before it blinks out, he gets a look from Dale Tallon that definitely falls short of Best Wishes and veers into Oh, You Motherfucker territory.

Jason exhales noisily once the screen goes blank and wipes a little sweat off his forehead. “Shit, I’m glad that’s over,” he says, as he gets up from the table.

His agent looks up at him steadily. “Jason, it’s far from over. You’ve got a reprieve until training camp, unless someone on the Panthers’ side sells the story to The National Enquirer.”

Jason snorts. “It’s not like I’m Crosby. Why would —“

“Once they announce that you’re out for the season, you’ll be the subject of a lot of media attention. It will only be a matter of time before the news gets out. We should make a plan.”

It’s past his nap time and Jason is more than ready to get this day over with. And for maybe the first time, he’s hit by a surge of parental protectiveness toward his kid. “I’m having a baby, it’s not Ebola,” Jason says angrily. “I’m not going to go into hiding for the next six months.”

“No, of course not. But you need to prep your family and friends for this because you said only one person knows about your pregnancy and he’s not family or your child’s father. When you’re ready, we’ll make a formal announcement at some point and end the speculation, but until then, they might see some media attention as well.”

Jason reaches out for the chair he just vacated and drops heavily into it. He’d been so focused on whether or not to keep the baby and the state of his friendship with Jordie that Jason hadn’t considered the media circus that will ensue. Men having babies is not all that uncommon but it still causes a stir in the media when it happens to a professional athlete. Jason hadn’t been focused on the sports world finding out about his pregnancy. He’d only been thinking about Jordie finding out.

He has no intention of doing a magazine spread. He wants to keep his privacy as long as possible but the last thing he wants is for his parents and Kev or god forbid, Jordie to be harassed by the media. Jason looks at his agent. “Okay. Let’s make a plan.”

 

______________

 

Jason doesn’t tell his parents that he’s on the way home. If he’s going to throw a surprise at them, he might as well go all the way is how he looks at it. The flight that will get him there the fastest means a layover in Toronto. But Jason just really wants to get home so he takes Cooch’s suggestion to man up, only instead of calling Jordie, he boards an Air Canada flight at DFW at six in the morning, which happens to be his prime morning sickness time.

The mind is an amazing piece of machinery. As an athlete, he’s learned how to navigate the twists and turns inside his head to gain the edge over his opponent. And somehow, Jason psyches himself up to prevent hurling all over the plane that takes him from DFW to YYZ. A bathroom close to the arrival gate at Pearson is not so lucky. 

It’s just past noon by the time the cab pulls up to his parents’ house. Jason is barely staying upright and the driver is asking him if he’s okay, carrying Jason’s bag to the house for him. Jason gives him almost all the cash in his wallet as a tip.

He drags himself into the kitchen through the side door and drops into a chair at the dining table. Panting and sweating, he digs through his back pack for his cell phone and sends his mom and dad a text.

_im at home. see u after wrk_

Almost immediately, his phone rings. “Mom —“ Jason leaves his bags in the kitchen and shuffles through the house, up the stairs, to his old bedroom.

“What are you doing home?” his mom asks. “Is something wrong?”

“No, nothing’s wrong but I’m so tired, I gotta get a nap,” Jason says and he’s whining a little but _jesus fuck_ if he doesn’t get into bed in two seconds. “See you later and I’m turning off my phone. Bye.” He lasts just long enough to do that before he collapses face first onto the bed.

He’s pretty much in the exact same position when his dad comes in. The room is totally dark now and his dad turns on the lamp that’s been on the desk in Jason’s room since he was fourteen years old.

“Come on, son.” Jason doesn’t move as his dad sits on the side of the bed and puts his hand on Jason’s head, patting it gently. “Jay? Time to get up.”

Out of nowhere, he’s hit with a sense memory. He’s in his childhood room, it’s dark outside and his dad is waking him up. This very scenario had played out so many times when he was a kid, being pulled out of sleep very early in the morning to be driven to practice or to tournaments. 

His parents really went above and beyond and now, Jason can’t remember if he ever thanked them. He’s been so lucky. Both his parents stayed involved in his career from the very beginning, always supportive and encouraging.

Jason sits up and hugs his dad close. His dad hugs him back.

“You okay, bud?” 

“Thanks, Dad,” Jason says against his dad’s collarbone. “Thanks for everything.”

“I’m not sure what you’re thanking me for but you’re welcome.”

His dad rubs his back and when Jason relaxes against him, he realizes how very tense and stressed out he’s been for the past month. He’s so glad to be home. He didn’t understand how much he needed this. And if Jason can be half as good as father as his dad has been —

They walk downstairs to the kitchen, his dad announcing, “Here he is, he was sleeping like the dead,” to his mom. She turns away from the sink and dries her hands as she turns. Jason smiles at her but she doesn’t smile back. Of course, she can read him like a book.

“Oh, my sweet boy,” she says in French, coming to take him into her arms, “You’re sick. What’s happened?”

Jason holds her against him for a couple seconds and then, he sits down at the table in the middle of the kitchen. His dad moves closer to his mom, his expression full of concern.

“So,” Jason starts, looking at them each in turn, not nearly as nervous as he thought he’d be. “Turns out I’m going to have a baby.”

It takes a few moments for the news to sink in. Then his mom’s eyes fill with tears and she comes to him, throwing her arms around him and almost knocking her glasses off. 

Jason ducks under his mom’s shoulder to check out his Dad’s reaction. He’s staring at him in stunned silence. “Dad?” 

“I just — I can’t believe it. How? We didn’t know —“

“My doctor says that happens sometimes. You’re happy, though, right?”

His dad’s expression softens and he pulls out a chair and sits down. “Of course, I am. Just give me a minute to process this.” He looks up at his mom with wet eyes. “Guylaine. I’m going to be a grandfather.”

His mom half laughs and half cries and goes over to his dad to hug him and they rock together for a little while. As he watches them, Jason can’t help but think about he and Jordie. They might not ever have that but there’s no reason they can’t be parents together. They were friends first, after all. Maybe not so much anymore but they know each other well enough to be able to fake it for their kid.

Finally, his parents separate and his mom takes a seat next to Jason, grabbing his hand and holding on as they talk. “So. Tell us everything. How long have you known?”

Jason tells them about getting sick in Florida and seeing his doctor in Dallas. He tells them about Cooch staying with him — _that sweet boy, his mom says_ — but he doesn’t tell them about contemplating abortion, instead moving right on to the video conference with the Panthers.

“They’re going to hold off on an announcement until the opening of camp. I’ve decided not to formally announce the pregnancy until absolutely necessary.”

“The Panthers didn’t give you any trouble?” his dad asks, looking like he’s ready to go kick some ass, depending on Jason’s answer.

“No, they took it well. Since I never tested positive for the gene, they know I wasn’t being careless.”

“Jason,” his mom asks softly, “who is the other father?”

Jason wets his lips and looks down at their joined hands. “A teammate. We were only together that one time. He doesn’t know yet.”

“Will he want to be involved?”

“I don’t know, Mom. I haven’t really heard from him in a while.”

“He’s going to have to know, son. It’s only fair,” his dad says. 

“Yeah, I know. But I should tell him in person and traveling is pretty hard right now.” He tells them about the intensity of the morning sickness and the exhaustion. “Is it going to be like this for six more months?”

His mom squeezes his hand. “Sometimes, darling. Not always. There are some things that helped me when I was pregnant with you and your brother. We’ll try them tomorrow morning. Do you think you can eat now?”

Jason wrinkles his nose. “Maybe. Just as long as it doesn’t smell.” His mom gets up and kisses him on the forehead and goes to the refrigerator.

His dad shakes his head, grinning. “You were always full of surprises, kid.” His expression turns serious before he goes on. “Don’t you want to tell us who the other dad is?”

“I’ll tell you as soon as I tell him, okay?” He’s not sure why he’s so protective of Jordie. He’s done nothing in the last two months to earn it. His dad _has_ been known to verbally go off on people who disrespect his family so maybe that’s part of it. But both his parents know and like Jordie and he doesn’t expect the news will be too unpleasant. It all depends on Jordie. Jason just has to tell him. 

But his window of opportunity is closing quickly. Next week, all the NHL will find out that he’s out for the season with what will be described as a “lower body injury”. If he doesn’t tell Jordie he’s pregnant, he’ll eventually find out from someone else. It has to come from him.

 

____________

 

Jason’s parents don’t bug him about the details after that. They feed him and hug him and bring him mugs of ginger tea and don’t bring up the other dad again. Jason is beginning to think that being pregnant might allow him to avoid major issues, of which he has several, not the least of which is what to do about telling Jordie. Jordie stays on his mind a lot.

The next morning, before he even wakes up, his mom brings him saltine crackers and flat soda and very thin slices of apple, which she says saved her when she was pregnant. She orders him to nibble on the food — carefully — before he even lifts his head off the pillow. And by the time Jason risks sitting upright, _slowly_ his stomach is more settled than its been at this hour of the morning in more than a month. The awareness of it is still there but it’s moved to the back of his mind.

Still, he’s moving cautiously when he goes downstairs. But there’s no smell of coffee or greasy food. In fact, the windows are open and a fresh breeze wafts through the house. His mom is there, checking her phone before putting it in her bag and coming toward him.

“Feeling better?” she asks, kissing on the cheek. 

“Maybe,” Jason smiles back, raising his crossed fingers. “I almost think I can eat something other than chocolate.” 

“Well, that’s progress.” She goes over to the stove.”Dad made these for you before he left for work so they're not hot. He used to make them for me when I was pregnant. Eggs fried hard without butter and just a touch of salt. See if this works.”

Jason sits down and eyes the plate dubiously. He sniffs the air but his stomach doesn’t rebel. And when he puts a piece of the cooked white into his mouth, he chews carefully but it goes down smoothly. He looks up in wonder at his mom. It’s a miracle.

She smiles at him. “We’re more alike than we thought, _mon grand_.”

Jason inhales both eggs in record time. His mom asks him if he wants more but he decides not to push his luck. He spends a few minutes dreaming about hard boiled eggs, though, while his mom gathers up her things for work. Things are finally looking up — he can eat something other than dessert and the World Cup starts this weekend. Jason can’t help but smile.

The back door opens and before Jason can defend himself, Kev has him in a headlock. His mother starts yelling in French and pops Kev in the back of his head. Jason starts laughing because Kev is completely confused and it’s the first time he's laughed in weeks. He lets Jason go and staggers back a few steps.

"Ow. Ma, what the hell?" _”Ayoye, Môman! Pourquoi tu m'as frappé, tabarnak?”_

"Don't touch your brother.” _“Touche pas à ton frère._

"Well, why not?” _Pourquoi pas?”_

His mom hugs Jason from behind and kisses his cheek. "You explain it to him. I'll see you this afternoon." She grabs up her bag and pauses in the doorway long enough to frown at Kevin before she leaves. 

Jason is still laughing when Kevin smooths his hair down from where their mom's slap disturbed it. "What the hell was that all about?" 

"Nice to see you, too, bro."

"I just saw you a few weeks ago. What's going on? Oh, hold that thought. I need coffee."

" _No,_ ” Jason says as he throws an arm out to stop Kevin before he can get up. Kev looks at him with alarm. 

Kev sits down at the table. ”What’s going on? Tell me now."

Now that there's no danger of coffee, Jason sits back. "Congrats, dude. You're gonna be an uncle."

Kev scowls at him. “You’re hilarious. Unless I have another brother or a sister no one told me about, I don't -- wait. You couldn't have knocked up some poor, unsuspecting woman,” he says with distaste. 

"Don't be an ass," Jason says. "I'm having a baby. It's due in March.”

Kevin’s eyes look like they’re going to pop out of his head. “You’re what? You’re having a — but you never — how — huh?”

Jason nods. “Yep. So far, that’s the reaction I’ve been getting.”

“Holy shit.”“Some of that, too. Although Cooch fell on the floor laughing.”

“I’d do that, too, except I can’t help but wonder if this means _I_ have the gene.” Kev sits back in his chair. “Shit. It’s a good thing I don’t bang dudes, you know?”

Jason rolls his eyes. “With a face like that, you shouldn’t worry about banging dudes.”

“No wonder Mom hit me. I didn’t hurt anything, did I?”

“Shut up.”

They sit there a while in silence then Kev speaks up, a smile growing across his face. “Are you shittin’ me? You’re not pranking me right now?”

Jason shakes his head and he can’t help but smile at his brother’s happiness. His family is the best.

Kev leans over and gives him a loud, smacking kiss on the forehead. “Well fuck me, this is amazing. So, come on, who’s the lucky dad of my niece or nephew?”

“I’d rather not say just yet. I haven’t told anyone, not even him.”

“Dude, I’m your big brother. You know I’ve got your back. Besides, I bet I know without you telling me.” Kevin looks annoyingly smug.

Jason bristles at that. “You do not.”

“Jordie Benn. Am I right?”

“No,” Jason says immediately but Kev keeps looking at him in that knowing way, like he’s been doing since Jason was old enough to lie and Jason slumps miserably in his chair. “Yes. It’s Jordie.”

“So you finally locked that down? That’s good. It’s about time.”

“I haven't locked anything down. Except for one drunk dial, I haven’t talked to him since that day. And what do you mean, it’s about time? I never told you —“

“Oh, please. When you brought him here last year, I thought something was going on then."

"Well, it wasn't," Jason says with a glare.

"Every time you say his name, you get this sickeningly sweet look on your face, like you want to marry him and have his babies. Well, you got one covered. It’s time for the other.”

His good day ruined, Jason puts his elbows on the table and his head in his hands. “Jordie and I are — were just teammates.” Each word is more and more painful. “It was just one time. Don’t say that kind of stuff. It does no good.”

“You need to talk this shit out, kid. Listen, get Jordie up here. And once you tell him —“

Jason lifts his head angrily. “You think I want to use blackmail to get him to give a shit?”

“Okay, in that case,” Kevin says as he gets up, “if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go hunt this fucker down and punch his lights out.”

“Sit down, jackass. Jordie would break you in half. And you’re not doing anything. You said you had my back. Don’t tell Mom and Dad or I’ll — ”

Kevin laughs. “I’m the big brother here, remember? For the sake of little Kevin or Kevinette, I need to take care of this.”

The thought of Kevin telling Jordie, of _anyone_ telling Jordie that he’s going to be a dad makes Jason’s stomach flip. “Oh my god, I’m sick,” he says, pushing slowly to his feet. “I’m going back to bed.” 

“Don’t you worry, kid. I'm here now.”

“You’re dead to me,” Jason says as he crawls up the stairs, miserable and nauseous all over again. 

 

_______________


	4. Chapter 4

Kevin keeps his mouth shut. At least, as far as Jason can tell. So Jason keeps to his schedule — sleeping, watching the World Cup, sleeping more and working healthier food into his diet. 

And on the third day of World Cup action, news of his “injury” appears on the crawl at the bottom of the screen. Jason sits up quickly as he gets a notification on his phone from the NHL site and approximately 15 seconds after that, his phone rings. It’s his agent.

“Well, somebody talked,” he says, his voice taut and angry. “I just got a call from the Panthers.”

Jason’s stomach drops. “How much is out there?”

“Nothing about the pregnancy yet. Apparently, a fringe staff person on the Panthers side talked to TSN and told them you’re out for the season. Your phone should start ringing as soon as we hang up. The Panthers are going to ‘no comment’ the hell out of this until training camp as they promised. So we can keep to our original plan.” There’s a short pause. “Probably.”

Jason exhales shakily and sits back against the sofa cushion. He’s been having a great few days. He’s just been hanging out in the basement, curled on up the sofa, content and comfortable and happy. 

He knew this was coming, of course but he's still freaked out. While he misses hockey, it’s like he’s undergone a hard reset. He’s focused on something far more important and he needs to protect that now. “Any advice?”

“Lay low for now. And turn off your phone for the next 24 hours. I’ll get in touch with you through your dad. You’d better warn him, too, since a lot of the media guys know him. Have you talked to the other dad yet?”

Without consciously doing so, Jason’s hand rubs gently over his belly. He thinks there’s a hint of a bump there but it could be his imagination. “No. Not yet.”

“Jason, you’ve got to get it done. Our lead time just got cut down from a max of six months to potentially zero.”

Jason disconnects the call and he jumps a little when it rings again immediately. He pushes the side button to turn his phone off then tosses it onto the coffee table, then curls up beneath the blanket, shivering with sudden cold.

His parents come home early from work that day. His dad walks into the house with his phone plastered to his ear, in mid-conversation. 

“No comment, dammit, don't you understand what that means?” His mom looks at them both worriedly but she’s been around the game long enough to know how to endure this stuff.

Jason waits till the next morning before he turns his phone on, just to check to see how bad the damage is. He has no fewer than 145 texts and 56 missed phone calls since yesterday. He scans them all and sees many of the usual suspects. 

Cooch’s text says _Sportsnet called. Told em you got hurt having sex with a male stripper. That ok?_ Jason sends a line of donkey icons back.

But there’s one name he’s searching for in particular and eventually, Jason finds it. Jordie’s called him fourteen times and sent 23 texts, the last one being, _Fucker, answer me. What happened?_

Jason stares at his phone for a long time then throws it so hard at the sofa that it disappears between the cushions. So _now_ the asshole is calling? Jason has half a mind to block his number again. Jordie fucking Benn is about three months late for a phone call now.

Cooch calls his parents’ landline, though, asking about his morning sickness and whether he’s eating properly now. 

“You’re going to make someone a wonderful wife one day, bud.”

“Damn right I will. But don’t change the subject. Is everything cool up there? Are guys camped out on your dad’s lawn yet?”

Jason grins. “A couple tried but he ran them off. I believe a threat of bodily harm was involved.”

“I’ll bet. Darrell don’t play. So how are the parents handling the news?”

“They’re happy. But they’re worried about what will happen with the baby’s other dad. We still haven’t talked.”

“Dude, who is this fucker? Tell me and I’ll send word down the line to put a beat down on his ass.”

Jason snorts. “Great idea. That would help the situation immensely.” He doesn’t want Jordie hurt. Well. Not much. Shoved around a little, maybe —

“Look, you know you can trust me with this, right?”

Jason draws a loud breath in and out. “I know.”

“So if he’s being a dick, why are you protecting him? Just give me the name already.”

Jason hesitates but not for long. “It’s Jordie,” he says softly.

“Holy hell, I _knew_ it. You two have been fucking all along, haven’t you?”

Cooch sounds a little pissed and suddenly Jason does, too. “No, ass, I told you it was just the one time.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

“I don’t give a fuck, it’s the truth. Why would I lie at this point?”

“I have no frigging idea. Apparently, I don’t know you as well as I thought I did, what with you getting knocked up and all.” Cooch pauses and when he speaks again his voice is serious. “I don’t know why he hasn’t called you but he’s not a bad guy. You need to call him. You’ll have to talk to him sooner or later.”

“I know. And I will. Soon.” He absolutely will. He’s _gonna_ talk to Jordie. 

But not today.

 

________________

 

He lays low the next day, literally, sequestered in the basement. His parents go off to work as usual and Jason doesn’t even watch the first game of the day, wanting to avoid hockey gossip if at all possible. When he does flip on the game, his name crawls across the bottom of the screen with regularity. Dread sets up shop in the pit of his stomach. The shit’s gonna hit the fan any minute now. It’s unavoidable now.

But his three o’clock nap is nonnegotiable so he’s out when he hears what sounds like a bag of sticks being thrown down the stairs and Jason lifts his head to see Jamie and Jordie clattering down the steps and into the basement and he immediately goes hot and cold at the same time. _Holy shit._

“Oh. So you’re alive,” Jordie says in a hard tone, standing in front of Jason with his hands on his hips.

He sleeps so deeply, it’s almost like being drugged and it usually takes him a while for his brain to catch up. But he’s all the way awake right now and his heart is going wild in his chest. 

“We’ve been trying to call you,” Jamie says, with a little more tact. “We were worried —”

“So what is it? Your leg or your hip? What? You look pretty good to me,” Jordie cuts in crankily, his gaze roving all over Jason. Even though he’s covered by a blanket, Jason feels totally exposed.  

Jason blinks at the way Jordie’s biceps bulge beneath the short sleeve of his dark blue tee shirt. Jordie is apparently having a really good summer. _He’s_ the one who looks pretty good. There’s no way in hell Jason’s going to tell _him_ that, though.

His face fills with angry heat. Who the fuck does Jordie think he is, talking to him like that? “How did you even find me?” Jason asks, swinging his feet to the floor. 

“If you’d turn on your damn phone, you’d know there are all kinds of shit rumors going around,” Jordie shoots back, looking defiant, “ and when you wouldn’t respond to anybody, I called your brother.”

He’s gonna fucking kill Kev. He stands up and takes a step toward Jordie.“Goddammit, you’re out of line, this is none of your business.” It’s one of the biggest lies Jason’s told to date and he’s told plenty lately but that doesn’t stop him from doing it again with full-on belligerence. _He’s_ the one carrying the damn baby, he’s supposed to have control in this situation. He’s not going to be pushed into doing anything.

Jordie looks just as furious and when he makes a move toward Jason, Jamie takes a side step to block him. “What’s none of my business? What’s the matter with you? Are we not fucking friends anymore?”

“Why don’t you fucking tell me?” Jason yells back, his hands clenched at his sides. All that he’s been carefully controlling for _months_ detonates in an instant. Jordie wants to know if they’re still friends while Jason has Jordie’s kid in his belly. _Goddammit._

“Okay, you guys need to chill,” Jamie begins in his Captain voice. “We were in Toronto to watch the Cup and we just wanted to make sure that you’re okay. And you look tired but you look okay to me. So we’re going now.”

“Chubbs, I’m not —“

“We’re going now,” Jamie repeats, louder this time, giving Jordie a look. “Call us if you need us, Daddy. We leave for Dallas first thing tomorrow.” Jamie glances between them. “Whatever’s going on with you two, will you please squash it so we can all go back to normal?” When neither of them answers, Jamie shakes his head and turns away. “Fine, then. Whatever. Take care, dude.”

Jordie makes a grumbling noise and gives Jason one last glare but Jason’s heart is in his throat as he watches them start up the stairs. He’s all over the fucking place right now. He’s got to put a stop to this. This is his opportunity and he has to do it now. 

“Guys. Wait.” The words just burst out of him and Jamie and Jordie turn around. “Will you — can you sit down for a while?”

Jamie answers for them. He looks a little startled by the request. “Uh. Yeah. Of course.”

Jason pulls the softly woven blanket off his legs and lays it across the back of the sofa while Jamie and Jordie find seats — Jamie on the opposite end of the sofa from him and Jordie in the big, comfortable chair near the TV that Jason sat in back in the day to play video games. 

Jason looks at one, then the other. Jordie is sitting on the edge of the cushion, watching Jason like he thinks he might explode. _Little does he know_ , Jason says to himself.

He can’t take a normal breath. “I’m not injured,” Jason says and he wavers for a couple of seconds before he looks directly at Jordie. “I wanted to tell you but I didn’t know how. I wasn’t sure how you’d take it.”

Jordie’s expression dims. “Jesus, what’s wrong?” he asks softly.

Jason glances briefly at Jamie before locking eyes with Jordie again. “I’m having a baby. I’m pregnant.”

“Oh, my god,” Jamie says quietly but Jason’s gaze never moves from Jordie. Jordie stares at Jason in obvious shock then he gets up out of the chair and walks a couple steps away, his hands on his hips, turning his back to Jason. Jason holds his breath, waiting.

Finally, Jordie turns around and his face is fixed in a hard mask of anger. “Who’s the other father?”

Jason snaps. He picks up the remote off the coffee table and hurls it as hard as he can at the father of his child. Jordie tries to dodge it but it hits him square in the shoulder and the batteries come bursting out, clattering onto the floor. “It’s yours, motherfucker. You’re the other father.”

“What?” Jamie squeaks out but Jason is busy right now. He gets to his feet too fast and he sways a little on his feet. Both Benns reach out toward him but Jason is on a roll now and he shrinks away from them, putting some distance between them.

“Now get the fuck out,” Jason says, his breath coming hard and fast, looking anywhere but at Jamie and Jordie. “I told you. Now you know. You don’t have to do anything. Just get out.”

“Are you out of your mind? I’m not going anywhere.”

“Uh, actually, I believe I’ll go,” Jamie says. Jason puts his hands in the pockets of his comfortable sweat pants, the soft ones with the drawstring waist, the ones he wears all the time because his other clothes are too snug. He’s so fucking pissed. He really and truly wants to drop the gloves with Jordie but he knows he can’t so Jason stands there, shaking, trying to control himself.

“I’m going to go get something to eat. Call me when you’re ready. But you guys work this shit out. You’ve both been stubborn assholes all summer but you have to fix it now.” Jamie comes up beside him and gives Jason’s shoulder a squeeze. The next thing he hears are Jamie’s footsteps on the stairs, then the back door opening and closing.

Jason goes back to the sofa and lies down on his side and tries to direct his attention to the game on TV and not the churning of his stomach. He’s on his left side, which is what the specialist in Dallas said provided optimal circulation for the baby. He closes his eyes and takes deep, calming breaths. Now that Jordie is out of the way, he can change his focus. All he has to do is make sure he does what’s best for the baby. It’s almost a relief to be done with it.

He needs to find a doctor here in Montreal since he won’t be going back to Dallas any time soon. There’s nothing for him in Dallas anymore. He wants to stick close to home now. He’d rather the baby be born in Montreal, anyway. Maybe he should finally buy a condo here, too. He’d been planning to do that eventually and the timing seems right.

“Are you okay?”

Jason doesn’t look at him. “Go fuck yourself, Jordie. And get out of my house.”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have — it was a stupid thing to say.”

“It was an honest mistake. You probably forgot all about fucking me two minutes after you walked out of my apartment.”

Jordie huffs out a breath. “Oh, believe me, bud, I didn’t forget.”

“I don’t give a fuck. Just get out.”

Jordie doesn’t answer right away but when he does, his voice is taut and rough. “All right. I’ll do what you want. But will you tell me about the baby before I go? When is it due?”

Jason grinds his teeth together and sits upright again, glaring up at Jordie and his buff summer body and his closed off expression. “Oh, you’ll appreciate this — April 1. Perfect, huh? An April Fools baby for you and me. It couldn’t have worked out better if we’d planned it,” Jason snarls, giving the blanket an impatient jerk and stretching it out over his legs again.

“I don’t remember you telling me you had the gene.”

“Because I didn’t know. I tested negative.” Jason is on a roll now and all his pent up anger comes pouring out of him in a spiteful rush. “Do you think I would have let you fuck me bareback if there was a chance I could get pregnant? Fuck you, man. What the fuck do you —“

Jordie holds up his hands. “Jesus, I'm sorry. Calm down.”

“Don’t tell me to calm down. I’ve been sick nearly every day for the past three months, my fucking career might be over and you can’t even pick up a fucking phone.”

Jordie rakes his fingers through his hair in obvious frustration. “I’m sorry, okay? I wanted to. But afterward — come on, Jason, you can’t tell me it didn’t get weird.”

“Weird compared to what, exactly? To this?” Jason points at his belly with both index fingers. “Because this wins hands down, I’d say.”

Jordie puts his hands in the pockets of his shorts. He looks lost, stunned. Jason is almost sorry for him. Almost but not quite. “I just — are you happy that you’re having it?”

“I am now. I didn’t know what to do in the beginning, though. I was pretty sick and I just wanted to play.”

“You’ll be back next season.” It’s an automatic response, almost patronizing and it sets Jason off again.

“There’s no way of knowing that. It’s fucking easy for you to say.”

Jordie shakes his head, his dark eyes pinched at the corners. “I can’t say anything right, can I?”

“No, so why don’t you get the fuck out?” Jason spits out, laying down on his left side and protectively crossing his arms over his abdomen. “I’ll let you know when it’s born. We’ll get a DNA test so you can be sure you’re not paying child support to some other dude’s baby.” He closes his eyes, dismissing Jordie. He wouldn’t take a single loonie from Jordie but fuck it, let the asshole think he would.

He hears Jordie take a breath and release it. “We’re going to Cedar Park as soon as we’re back in Dallas. But I’ll have a free day between Vegas and opening night. Could I come back then?”

Jason opens his eyes and meets Jordie’s somber gaze. “How about I call you on that?” he asks with deadly softness. 

Jordie nods, his brown eyes round and solemn. “Yeah, sure. I’ll wait to hear from you.” 

He takes a couple of steps and Jason closes his eyes again, feeling a sadness so sharp that he presses his palm against his breastbone. Everything went pretty much the way Jason imagined it would. 

_Is this the future_? Jason wonders silently. The fighting and hostility and tense conversations. How will they share the baby if they can't be in the same room together? They are going to have to find a way to repair their friendship somehow but right at this minute, Jason can’t picture doing that.

Jason starts when Jordie’s hand lightly smoothes over his hair. It’s over almost before it truly begins. Jordie looks down at him with a smile that’s half sadness and half fondness. “Take care of yourself,” Jordie says before he turns and goes up the basement stairs.

He tells his parents about Jordie when they get home that afternoon. His mother cries a little more but his dad grins at him.

“Son, this kid could be one helluva d-man.”

Jason doesn’t tell him that he’s already thought of that.

 

____________

There’s a new text on his phone when he turns it on the next morning at breakfast. 

_Hey. We’re taking off now. Arrive DFW @ 1045am_

He rolls his eyes and slams the phone down on the table.

His mother sets his eggs down in front of him. “Anything wrong?”

Jason smirks and hands her the phone. “Look. Can you believe that? _Now,_ he wants to talk.”

She reads the text with a frown before putting the phone down on the table again. “Jason, you need to keep an open mind. He’s trying to do the right thing. You must, too.”

The eggs smell amazing and Jason really wants to enjoy them. “Môman, I don’t want to talk about this now, okay?”

His mother keeps frowning but she pats his shoulder and says no more.

The second text is there when Jason gets out of the shower a couple hours later.

_On the bus to Cedar Park. Hope you’re doing okay._

His hair drips water onto his phone a little while he reads the text over a few times. And after he dries off and gets dressed, Jason texts back _Have a good camp._


	5. Chapter 5

After the first period of the Team Europe versus Team Canada game, Jason gives his agent a call.

“I talked to the baby’s other dad.” There’s a pause and Jason knows his agent is expecting more details but when he doesn’t give any, his agent’s voice gets a little sharper.

“Yes? And? What’s the situation with you two? Are you in a relationship? Does he want to be involved?”

His parents’ worried eyes are upon him and Jason rubs at his forehead. “We didn’t leave things in a good place. We’re not in a relationship but it’s possible he’ll want to be involved with the baby. I—I just don’t know yet.”

“Is he married? Is that why you’re hesitating?”

He has to chuckle at that. “No. He’s not married.” His dad raises an eyebrow at that.

“I understand that you’re protective of him. But I can do my job better if you tell me who he is. I can protect both of you.”

Jason mulls it over a little longer but his agent is making a good point. “It’s Jordie Benn,” Jason admits quietly. 

His mom looks at him sadly, Jordie is, hands down, her favorite of all his former teammates. But she’s been giving him sad eyes all night.

“You said your conversation didn’t end well. Could he cause us some trouble?”

“No. He won’t.” Jason is certain of this. No matter what, whether he wants to be involved with the baby or not, Jordie would never make things difficult for Jason. He’s sure of this. “He’ll be at training camp in Texas and then preseason will start so I can’t possibly see him for another two weeks.”

His agent sighs. “Well, maybe the separation will give you time to come to an understanding. Jason, let me give you some advice. Not as an agent but as your friend — raising a baby is the most difficult thing you’ll ever do. But it’s so much easier when you have a partner. I hope you and Jordie can work something out.”

Jason is hyperventilating a little when he hangs up. He never had a panic attack before he got pregnant — he really hopes this isn’t the start of a new pattern.

“You okay, son?”

Jason puts his phone down on his thigh. “I have to figure out this thing with Jordie. This baby is ours, together. I can’t freeze him out just because we can’t get along.”

“Could I make a suggestion?” his mother asks. 

Jason nods. “Of course.” He’s managed to screw everything up to this point, making the worst choices possible. He could use some help.

“You and Jordie need time alone, _mon grand_. You need to talk to each other. Have you forgotten that he’s your best friend?”

“This is different, Mom.”

His mother’s eyebrows come together. “Yes, it is different. You’re having a baby now.” She sounds more than a little annoyed.” You’re angry with Jordie right now. But you need to put that aside for the sake of your child.”

“Guylaine, shouldn’t we let the boys figure this out?” His mom shoots a death glare at his dad and Jason’s dad leans warily in the opposite direction.

“Say nothing, Darrell. The men in this family can be stubborn and foolish and — and I won’t have it for my very first grandchild. It’s time you went to Dallas.” His mom directs the last remark to him and leaves the room, leaving behind a wave of her lavender hand lotion and a great deal of indignation. 

Jason and his dad exchange looks.“You know,” his dad begins, with a distinctly uncomfortable twist to his mouth, “going to Dallas probably isn’t the worst idea.”

Jason smirks. “Wow, Dad. You caved pretty quickly there.”

“It’s not caving when you’re married, son. It’s called survival. Besides, I’m pretty sure she’s right.” His dad gets up, giving him a pat on the shoulder before following his mom.

 

______________

_October_

By the first week in October, Jason is better than he has been in months. His morning sickness has almost disappeared and he’s more energetic, like he’s emerging from the fog of the pregnancy war. And maybe, there’s a slight uptick in his optimism, too.

A little over two weeks after Jordie’s visit, Jason’s mom drives him to the airport. His mom helps him with his suitcase, even though he tries to grab it away from her. “Jeez, it has rollers, I can handle it.”

She gives him a brilliant smile. She’s been doing that a lot since he decided to go back to Dallas and work things out with Jordie. “Now, you let me do this. How many chances will I get to pamper my pregnant son?” 

Jason rolls his eyes. “Well, I can’t argue with that.” He pulls her close. “Love you, Môman,” Jason says softly.

“I love you, too. I know you and Jordie will work this out. And I’ll let you in on a secret.” She looks up at him with a wicked light in her eyes. “I always hoped you would end up with him.”

Jason starts to protest, as he’s been doing since the beginning, that he and Jordie are just friends and it’s not like that but his evil mom is already walking back to the car, giggling like she really pulled one over on him. 

Jason turns to go into the terminal and he can’t help but smile. His mom and dad are so charged up about having a grandchild, as much as Kevin is about being an uncle. If he had any doubts about his decision, which he doesn’t, seeing his family so happy would go a long way toward easing any lingering uncertainty.

He has more than enough time to get to the gate so Jason finds the Maple Leaf Lounge and gets a Diet Coke and a handful of snack packs. It’s getting late so the place is more than half empty and he finds a quiet corner where he can wait it out. 

But before he digs into his trail mix and crackers, Jason pulls out his phone and, breathing a little shallowly, he calls Jordie.

“Hey.” Jordie sounds a little surprised when he picks up. He’s been texting Jason every day without fail, something quick and innocuous and Jason answers back in kind. It’s all very polite and civilized but they haven’t actually spoken since that day two weeks ago.

“Hey. You home?”

“We flew back right after the game last night. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. Fine. I’m at Trudeau. I’m coming back to Dallas.”

There’s silence on the other end of the line, nothing but the faint sound of a TV in the background. “How long will you be here?” The words come out almost painfully neutral, like Jordie is trying very hard not to expect too much.

Jordie is calm and steady, rock solid. But hearing him use that tone, _trying_ so hard to be detached causes a sudden wave of longing for the friendship they’d had. The time they’d spent as partners, two years spending almost all their free time together. Jordie is a good guy, one of the best Jason knows. All things considered, he’s pretty lucky that he’s having a baby with Jordie. “As long as it takes for us to get our shit together.”

The silence is much shorter this time. “When does your flight get in? I’ll pick you up.”

_____

 

It's nearly eleven when Jason walks outside of Terminal E at DFW and into the familiar, warm Dallas night. He sends his parents a quick text to let them know he arrived and he spies Jordie’s big, black F150 as soon as he puts his phone away. Jason starts walking toward it, pulling his suitcase along behind him and Jordie gets out and meets him half way. 

Jason’s tired, as usual. He’d fallen asleep on the plane before he could even snag a pack of smoked almonds. But seeing Jordie wakes Jason right the fuck up.

Jason loves the way Jordie moves, all grace and coiled power. Again, Jason recognizes that Jordie has had a really productive summer. His body has always been on point but Jordie has put on more bulk and tonight, in his army green shorts, a backwards black Stars snapback and tight, black tee shirt, he looks like the star of a gay guy’s wet dream.

Jordie smiles and Jason realizes he hasn’t seen Jordie smile like that since the day the baby was conceived. It’s a true, natural smile and any vague thought he’d had about being cool about this reunion dissolves instantly. His mom was right — Jordie _is_ trying and it’s only fair that he do the same so Jason can't help but smile back.

When he’s close enough, Jordie pulls him in and hugs him fiercely and there’s a sudden surge of blood to Jason’s long-neglected dick. Jason takes in a quick breath in surprise and notices that Jordie smells clean, like he’s just out of the shower and Jason goes hot all over.

He had begun to think that while he was pregnant, his dick would serve as a sad reminder of days gone by. In the last three months, he hasn’t felt so much as a twitch. But as he puts his arms around Jordie’s hard body, Jason is relieved as hell that the baby hasn’t changed _everything_.

“I’m glad you’re back,” Jordie murmurs against his cheek. "We'll work this out, okay?"

It's hard to remember to be angry when he’s this close to Jordie, although Jason _is_ a little angry with himself for being so fucking easy. But Jason just nods until Jordie releases him and steps away. He's still smiling, though, when he grabs Jason's bag.

"I can get that," Jason points out but he know it's useless. If there's one thing he's learned over the last month, it's that there's no use trying to carry stuff if people know you're pregnant.

"I got it," Jordie says and they walk to the truck without further conversation. 

Once they pull away from the terminal, Jordie asks, "How was the flight? You feeling okay?"

"Yeah, I'm better now. Not much morning sickness anymore. But I still can't drink coffee."

Jordie looks at him with amused surprise. "Coffee? Really?"

"From the beginning. Once I barfed all over the place because I forgot to tell Cooch and he made coffee in the morning." Jason has to smile at the memory. It wasn't funny then but it’s a little funny now. The memory of those early, confusing days have a soft focus to them now, making it bearable. 

"When was that?"

"In September. He was with me when I found out about the baby.”

"Did you --" Jordie sounds a little funny and when Jason looks at him, his eyes are on the road, his big hands tight around the steering wheel. "He just happened to be visiting when you found out?"

"No, I called him." There's a little sting of satisfaction when Jason says it. "He volunteered to come down and stay with me until I figured things out.”

Jordie frowns. “In Montreal?”

“No. I was here in Dallas.”

“But I was here almost all summer," Jordie says shortly, glancing quickly at Jason but not so quickly that Jason can't see the flare of hurt in his eyes. "You could have --"

"--called you? Is that what you were going to say?" Jason asks, half turning toward Jordie in the seat. He can’t help it -- every time he remembers all those weeks without a phone call, Jason still gets pissed.

Jordie sighs. ”I should have called you. I _wanted_ to call you, whether you believe me or not."

"So why didn't you?" he asks quietly. "You can't say that I never tried to get in touch with you.”

"I know. Look, could we talk about this when we get home?" Jordie asks as he slows down for the toll booth.

Jason decides to give him a break. “Okay. But whose home are we going to?”

Jordie glances quickly at Jason. "Well, I thought mine. Since you haven't been to yours in a while and there won't be anything to eat. Is that okay?"

He’d like to argue but Jordie does have a point about the food. The last time Jason was at his apartment, all he could eat were desserts. But he can't help but give a thought to the sleeping arrangements, since Jordie only has a one bedroom. Jordie's big sectional is pretty comfy but Jason doesn't want to spend the night on it.

Still, he and Jordie have a lot to discuss and this is not the hill he wants to die on tonight. "Okay," Jason says as Jordie steers the truck onto the 183. "We'll go to yours." 

 

___________

 

His phone dings a couple of times by the time they get to Jordie’s apartment but Jason ignores it and turns it to silent mode. When Jordie’s does, too, he takes his phone out of his pocket without looking at it and turns it face down on the kitchen bar.

Juice trots up to greet Jordie first, then Jason, his long tail wagging like crazy. Jason squats down and lets Juice lick him and put his big paws on Jason’s thighs and he nearly falls over.

“Hey there, Juicy, what a good boy,” Jason murmurs to the dog, scratching his back and gaining even more licks.

“Juice. Down,” Jordie orders and the dog hops down off Jason and sits, watching Jordie attentively. “Go,” Jordie says and Juice takes off down the hallway, where Jordie keeps his crate.

Jason stands up and looks around. It’s a little surreal to be back in Jordie’s apartment. It’s as familiar to him as his own. The last time he was here, they’d just come from clean out, bummed and angry at the beating the team had taken at the hands of the Blues in Game 7 of the second round of the playoffs.

They started drinking right away and drank until they both fell asleep on the sofa. After that, Jason started meeting with teams that had expressed interest in him then he went to Hawaii and barely saw Jordie again — until July 2.

And now nothing will ever be the same, for either of them. Jason turns toward Jordie. He’s watching Jason with a little frown. He looks a little too serious for Jason’s liking.

Jason grins. “Dude, this ottoman.” He kicks at the new addition — a massive, awful, white leather square in the middle of the room. “You were drunk when you bought this, weren’t you?”

Jordie pretends to look offended. “My mother bought me that.”  
“Oh, no,” Jason says with a laugh, “your mom has better taste than that.”

“You better shut it or that’s where you’ll sleep tonight,” Jordie says with a playful light in his eyes and Jason’s heart lifts. They’re chirping each other again, just like normal.

“Well, it’s certainly big enough. We could probably both —“ Jason stops talking and clears his throat to cover up his dumb move. _Well, that didn’t take long._

But Jordie just smiles. “You can sleep in my room. I’ll take the couch,” Jordie says.

“Okay,” Jason says automatically, relieved to have gotten out of that one and Jordie rolls his suitcase away down the hall. Jason stands around fidgeting awkwardly until Jordie returns a few seconds later. Jordie smooths his hair back and puts his hands into his pockets and it’s clear that Jordie is every bit as uneasy as Jason is. It’s all so wrong — he and Jordie have been best friends for two years and suddenly, they’re strangers, tiptoeing around each other. 

“Uh. You want something to drink? Or eat? I’ve got —“

“Just some water. Not cold, though.”

Jordie nods and goes off to get it and Jason sits down on the wonderfully soft, deep sofa. His pulse is a little elevated as he considers the conversation to come. It’s an important one for their child above all. He wants their kid to have two parents who care about each other. It has to happen.

“So Jamie hasn’t spilled, huh?” Jason calls out, desperate for something to say.

“Nah. I was surprised, too. Seggy knows, of course, but they’re keeping quiet.”

Jordie comes back and sets a bottle of water on the ottoman and then he sits down next to Jason on the sofa. Jordie’s big, brown eyes never waver from Jason’s gaze and Jason is reminded of that dream he had, when he was still unsure of what decision to make about the baby. His phone starts vibrating in his pocket but Jason doesn’t let anything distract him. 

“When I found out I was pregnant, I had this crazy dream about the baby,” Jason begins softly. He tells Jordie about being on the ice and being handed a little blanket-wrapped bundle and Jordie laughs at the premise. “The baby in the dream had brown eyes. And that’s when I realized that this is about a lot more than just me and my career. You’d think I would have figured that out as soon as the doc told me I was pregnant but it took a while.”

“You didn’t want it?” Jordie asks, almost sadly. “At least, at first?”

Jason shakes his head. “I didn’t. I thought I had a plan. I thought I knew where I was going. But me having a baby? That was never part of the plan.”

Jordie reaches out and squeezes Jason’s knee and Jason stammers a little. “So — I — I went back and forth and I couldn’t make up my mind. But I kept having these dreams. I still have them.” Jason smiles a little at the memory. “They seem so real, sometimes I wake up and think I’ll find a baby lying next to me. And he’s always a boy.” Jordie’s expression is so full of tenderness that Jason’s throat gets tight. “I really think it’s a boy, Jordie.”

“What if it’s a girl?” Jordie asks, a soft smile wrinkling the corners of his eyes.

Jason gulps down a breath. “Oh, wow. Wouldn’t that be something? You and me with a daughter. We’d figure it out, I guess but that’s — wow.” He really hadn’t considered it. He’s so sure that he’s having a boy.

Jordie laughs again. “I still can’t believe this is happening. I don’t care what we have, as long as it’s okay. And that you’re okay.” Jordie moves a little closer to Jason, close enough that their arms are pressed together. “I want _us_ to be okay, too.”

Jason nods. “For the sake of the kid. I know, me, too.”

“No, Jase, not only for the sake of the kid.” The warm intensity in Jordie’s dark eyes goes right through Jason. “These last few months have sucked. I’ve — 

Jason is so tuned into Jordie’s words that he jumps a little when Jordie’s phone begins to vibrate continuously on the counter then his starts up again, too. 

“What the hell? Is your phone going off?” Jordie asks.

“Yeah,” Jason answers. “Maybe we should check. Bettman might be on strike.”

Jordie snorts and gets up to get his phone and Jason fishes his out of his pocket, quickly bringing up the home screen to see that he already has twelve texts and three missed calls. He checks the text from Cooch first.

_thought it was a secret bro. Gimme a heads up nx time_

There’s a link included and his phone switches over to Instagram to open it and —

“Holy fuck,” Jordie says and when Jason sees the photo, he knows exactly what Jordie means. Someone has posted a series of photos taken at the airport tonight, when Jordie and Jason had their arms around each other. Two of the pics were apparently taken at the moment Jordie was speaking to him. From the angle and the distance the photos were taken, it looks like two people in the midst of a very intimate moment. It looks like Jordie is kissing him.

“Look at the comments,” Jordie says flatly.

Jason scrolls down. Most are along the lines of “Bromance for realz!” and “Awww” and “Reunited and it feels so good” and the like. But there are also a few that say, “LB injury my ass” and “he don’t look hurt, just chubby”, followed by the classic “OMG Jordie knocked up Daddy”.

“Well. That escalated quickly,” Jordie mutters and Jason kind of loves him a little for making a Ron Burgundy reference right now. But then he realizes something.

“Wait a minute. Do I look fat?” Jason asks and he looks down at his belly and then twists around to try to check out his ass. Because that chubby remark was uncalled for. Okay, so maybe he hasn’t been eating healthy lately but he had to stay alive so if he’s been indulging in a little too much chocolate and not working out, well, too fucking bad. 

Suddenly, Jordie is there, right next to him. “Can I — ?” Jordie asks hesitantly, holding his hand near Jason’s belly but not touching it. 

Jason nods and he takes Jordie’s hand, bringing it to his belly. There's no way Jordie can detect anything. It’s too soon and Jason is wearing pretty baggy shorts. But the soft look of wonder on Jordie’s face prevents Jason from telling him that.  


“I — I don’t know what to say. This is awesome.” Jordie scoots a little closer, leaving his hand where Jason placed it. His hand is still on stop of Jordie’s and Jason’s face heat up.  


Jason is seriously distracted by his close-up view of Jordie’s mouth. “What are we going to do about those photos?”  


Jordie’s hand drops away from Jason. “I don’t think there’s much we can do. They’re out there now, there’s no deleting them.”  


Before either of them say more, his phone starts to buzz again. Jordie turns around. “Jesus, I’m about ready to turn off my fucking phone.”  


Jason looks at the caller ID. It's his agent. "Great." Jason holds it up so Jordie can see. "I should take this."  


"Yeah. I should probably call mine," Jordie replies but he stares at Jason's mouth for a long time. Jason turns away with difficulty and swipes his phone open.  


"It would be a tremendous help, Jason, if you'd give me a heads up on stuff like this." His agent is sounding more annoyed than usual.  


"Look, this time, this is not on me. I took a late flight. I didn't know there were spies at DFW."  


His agent hmmphs impatiently. "I should get in touch with Jordie's agent so we can coordinate. We could come up with a joint press release --"  


Jason walks out of the den and into the bedroom, lowering his voice. "Why can't we just no comment this for a while longer?" He doesn't know where this will go with Jordie. He doesn't want to assume anything at this point. There’s promise in the air right now but who knows where they’ll go tomorrow. ”Jordie is -- we might be able to work things out and I don't want to move too fast.”  


“Too fast? You’re nearly four months pregnant.”  


“I know but just — give us more time.” Jason has to pause for a huge yawn. It’s been a long day and he doesn’t know how much more they’re going to accomplish tonight, anyway. It’s way past his bedtime. “I’ll get back with you soon, I promise.”  


“Fine. I’ll wait to hear from you. But I want your answer on this before the season starts.” Jason hangs up his phone with a sigh. There are only four more days until the season opener. Considering how slowly and clumsily he and Jordie have been moving, it's not that much time.  


Jason has his suitcase open on the floor when Jordie comes in. Jason looks up at him regretfully. “I’m sorry, dude but I’m tired. I need to get some sleep.”  


“Oh, yeah, of course. We can talk tomorrow.” Jordie smiles softly. “I’ll be sure not to make coffee in the morning.”  


Jason grins back. “You’re a pal.” _And my kid’s other dad,_ Jason adds silently to himself. It was only a couple of weeks ago that he believed that he and Jordie would never have another civil conversation again. And they still need to get around to talking about the situation in detail eventually.  


“I’ll just get some — “ Jordie points toward his closet and Jason nods. He grabs his kit out of his suitcase. Jordie returns to the bedroom with two extra pillows under one arm, wearing just his tee shirt and boxers now.  


“Well. Good night,” Jordie says and he leaves the room.  


Jason’s heart aches a little as he watches him go. He doesn’t know if it will be a good night but its sure to be a long one.


	6. Chapter 6

Jason sleeps like a rock, once he finally falls asleep. And when he ventures out of the bedroom, the apartment is empty and silent. The sofa is occupied only by Jordie’s pillows and a folded blanket. But when he realizes that Juice is gone, too, Jason assumes they went out for a walk.

So Jason gets his phone and stretches out on the sofa to update Cooch.

"Happy Thanksgiving, loser,” Cooch says.

“Oh, geez, that’s today?” That probably explains Jordie’s absence.

“Well, I’m not surprised you don’t know what day it is. You’ve been busy, eh? What happened last night? You guys patch things up?"

“It wasn’t what it looked like. He just hugged me when I got to Dallas. We’re talking," Jason says with a sigh. "I want to work things out. For the kid, you know?”  


“What about you?”

“What?”

“I mean, what’s the end game? You two are just going to be buddies with a kid or what?”

Jason closes his eyes, remembering the way Jordie looked at him last night, all that he said about wanting everyone to know that he’s the baby’s dad. “Fuck if I know, Cooch. We can’t live together after the baby is born, even if we wanted to. He’ll be in Texas, I’ll be in Florida. It’s all so fucked up.”

“Well, Jordie wants the kid, right? Because I’d hate to have to mess him up when we play them.”

Jason smiles. “Jordie is pretty pissed that you were with me when I found out about the baby. You’d better watch _your_ back, bud.”

“Me?” Cooch squeaks out, backing down immediately. “I thought you were dying. I was the Good Samaritan here.”

Jason is still laughing when he hears the front door open. “I gotta go, loser. Jordie just walked in.”

“Fine, but you better call him off. Unless you want me to go to Sportsnet with what I know.”

Jason hangs up and drops his phone on the sofa next to him. He’s sitting up when Jordie walks in with Juice trotting ahead of him. Juice jumps up beside Jason and puts his head on Jason’s thigh and Jordie sits down on Jason’s other side.

“Hey,” he says with a smile. “How did you sleep?”

Jason stretches a little, putting his feet up and giving Juice head scritches.

“Good. Didn’t want to get up.”

“Who were you talking to?”

“Cooch. I was explaining about the Insta pics.”

Jordie’s smile fades at the mention of Cooch’s name. “Yeah. Whatever. So listen, we’re having Thanksgiving at Jamie’s house. I was over there, helping him get stuff ready.”

“Okay, no problem.” It’s really fine with Jason. “I should probably get to my apartment anyway.” He’s got so much to do — go pick up groceries, nap again, go to the bank, maybe even work out a little —

Jordie frowns. “You’re leaving already? Most of the boys will be there. Why don’t you come?”

Juice runs off and Jason considers Jordie’s suggestion. He would love to see his former teammates again. It doesn’t seem like it’s been that long since they were together on the ice for the playoffs. But he frowns at Jordie. “How can I do that after last night? Everyone will want to know what’s going on.”

“You know you can trust the boys.” Then, Jordie pulls back a little. “I mean, if you don’t want anyone to know about me, then —“

“No, no, it’s not that,” Jason says, even though he’s not exactly sure just _what_ it is.

“Well, the thing is — my parents are here. Would it be okay if we tell them about the baby?”

Jordie’s words cause Jason a sudden flood of embarrassment. He’s given very little thought to the Benn family other than Jordie and it only just occurs to him that this is the Benns' first grandchild. Without warning, his eyes start to well up.

Jordie looks horrified. “Holy shit, dude,” he says with amazement, “are you crying?”

Jason gets up off the sofa with some speed, narrowly missing catching one corner of the awful ottoman. “Hey, don’t judge me, okay?” Jason tells him with his back turned, wiping at his eyes and clearing his throat of the aching knot there. “There is a lot of stuff going on inside my body and this happens sometimes and I’ve got no control over it so just give me a break here.”

Jordie comes up behind him. Jason wipes at his eyes with an annoyed motion but he stays highly aware of the solid warmth of Jordie’s body. “Listen,” Jordie begins, his voice as gentle as the slide of his hand across Jason’s shoulder, “we can do it later. It doesn’t have to be today.”

Jason turns around. “I just feel like we need to settle things between us before we start telling people. And yes,” he goes on, before Jordie can speak, “my parents and my brother know. And we’ll tell your parents but we have to talk, Jordie. We’ve barely spoken since — “ Jason swallows. “Since that day.”

Jordie’s mouth twitches at one corner. “That day? The day we made a baby, you mean.”

A flush of warmth goes through him. “I know what happened that day but do you? Because I’ve just spent the last three months assuming _you_ thought it was just another fuck.”

Jordie’s eyes darken. “That’s not true. I’ve thought of it as sex with my best friend and it was — can we sit down? I’ve got something to say and I want to be sure you hear me.”

 _Well, this is it,_ Jason thinks to himself when he goes back to the sofa. This is what he came back to Dallas for. Clarity and definition and honesty and Jason has a feeling he’s about to get just that. 

Jordie has barely settled in next to Jason when he begins.

“Remember that night — in Boston?”

Jason huffs out a breath because fuck, yeah, he remembers fucking Boston. 

November, last season. In Boston overnight before going on to Raleigh. At a club. A lot of drinks and numerous eye fucks. Stumbling into the dingy bathroom, Jason’s hand on Jordie’s ass, Jordie pushing him back against the wall, on the verge of making out when someone walks in. 

They leave and never speak of it again. Until now.

“What about it?” Jason asks, his voice coming out raspy.

“If that guy hadn’t come in when he did — “ Jordie’s tone is just as rough as Jason’s. 

Jason’s gaze is locked with Jordie’s. “Yeah, I know.”

“It didn’t just happen. I mean, I’d thought about it.” Jordie ducks his head with a small smile. “I thought about it a lot.”

“So did I,” Jason says and he’s a little dizzy saying it out loud, admitting to a secret that they had kept for two years. 

“And once you signed your contract with the Panthers, everything changed. And that day — when you looked at me like that. Jeezus, what was I supposed to do?” Jordie asks with a grin.

“Oh, so it’s my fault,” Jason returns laughingly. “You didn’t have to kiss me like that.”

“I’m just supposed to ignore how hot you are? I don’t think so, bud.”

Jason’s heart is thumping against his ribs. They’re blatantly flirting with each other and there’s an heated tension in the air. And it’s almost like being on a first date. Except for the baby in Jason’s belly.

Clearly, they’ve got nothing left to lose now so Jason decides to go for it. “Why couldn’t you just fucking answer my stupid text, Jordie? I mean, what the fuck? You dumped me.”

Jordie’s smile fades. “That’s not — I’m sorry that’s what it looked like —“

“That’s what it _was_ , dude.”

Jordie slumps in his seat. “I freaked out, Jase. That’s the truth. Being with you, that day — it was fucking amazing,” Jordie burst out suddenly and starts talking fast, as if that will make it easier to confess what he’s confessing. “I didn’t — it was — I’d never felt like that before and I didn’t know what to do. I thought if I just ignored you, I could forget but I didn’t. By then, you were in Florida and I thought it was too late. I thought I should move on and that’s why I didn’t answer you and that’s the truth.” 

Jordie ends his rant, sitting back and panting a little and Jason can totally sympathize.

“Okay, okay, I get it.” And the worst part of it, is that Jason _does_ get it. He’d been freaked out, too and he had tried to move on, too and they both fucked it up. But what they’re going to do next, Jason still doesn’t have a fucking clue.

And luckily, that’s when Jordie’s phone rings. They both blink and Jordie mutters under his breath and he takes his phone out of his pocket.

He glances at the caller ID. “Oh, fuck, I forgot Jamie,” he says and quickly connects to the call. “What?” Jordie asks impatiently. 

Jason turns his head away and tries to gulp down a breath as stealthily as he can. _Well, fuck, I got my answer_ , he says to himself. He didn’t expect Jordie to be so damn honest. Jason had been prepared for equivocation and lies but not this. He’s got a semi working in his pants right now and he needs to get a hold of himself, so to speak, so he listens to Jordie’s conversation and tries to shift gears.

“I’m going to be late. Just start without me. No, everything is — I don’t know if he’s coming but I’ll be there soon.” Jordie ends the call and tosses the phone back onto the ottoman. “Well, my parents are there so I have to go. But if you don’t want to —“

“Why don’t you bring them here when you’re done? Will that work? I don’t really want to let the whole team in on this just yet.”

Jordie frowns but he nods in agreement. “Yeah, sounds like a plan. Look, are we okay now? Are we good?”

“Yes, absolutely.” He can’t take anymore of Jordie’s honesty right now. Then, Jordie puts his hand on Jason’s thigh and it takes all of Jason’s self-control not to jump.

“We can fix this, Jase. We’re good partners. Remember?”

The last of the anger that he’d been holding onto since July dissipates like puff of smoke. “Yeah, Jor, I remember,” Jason answers quietly.

 

___________

A couple of hours later, Jordie texts him that he’s on the way with his parents and Jason sits on the sofa as comfortably as if he’s in the box for a delay of game. He knows Heather and Randy pretty well — he’s seen them fairly often during the season and Jason has spent time with Jordie at their house in BC during the off season. They’ve always gotten along great.

But being told, out of the blue, that your oldest son is having a baby with his teammate? And they’re just buddies? It’s going to be a pretty big shock, especially since he and Jordie weren’t even dating. And he and Jordie were so busy getting their relationship in order that they didn’t plan any backstory. If Randy and Heather start asking detailed questions, Jason isn’t in any way prepared to answer them. Maybe, if he can catch Jordie as soon as he gets in the door —

Except when they finally arrive, Jordie and Randy are actively engaged in a conversation about the Mavs. _Well, there goes that idea,_ he says to himself. Jason gets up to greet them and Heather gets to him first.

She hugs him tightly. “It’s good to see you, Jason. How are you feeling?”

The question throws him for a moment, before he remembers that to the rest of the world, he’s injured enough to keep him out of hockey for a season.

Jason smiles and decides to play dumb. “I’m good. How have you been?”

Heather’s expression displays confusion. “Well, I’m fine, honey, but —“

“Hey, Jason,” Randy says. “Are you okay? We’ve been worried, bud.”

Jason shakes his hand and looks to Jordie for some help but Jordie is just standing behind his parents with his arms crossed, grinning like an idiot.

“Uh, thanks but I’m doing well.”

“I’m glad you came back to Dallas so the boys can look after you,” Heather says, gracefully leaving him an opening to explain what the hell is going on. “They’ve been doing a good job, I hope.”

“Yeah, definitely. They’ve been — fine.”

Jordie laughs out loud at that and he ignores Jason’s glare as he walks into the kitchen. “Hey, anyone want a drink?”

“You got any Crown, son?”

“Randy.” Heather gives Randy a quelling look and Randy shrugs. “No, honey, we’re fine. I wish you could have made it to lunch, Jason,” she says as she and Randy take seats on the sofa. “Everyone asked about you.”

Jason sits down on the ottoman in front of them. The Benns are so diplomatic. He’s sure they’ve seen the photos from last night, or at least, heard about them but clearly, they aren’t going to mention them. Jason would very much like to go hide in the kitchen with Jordie but he’s got no choice but to keep the conversation going. “I only got in from Montreal last night so I’m still pretty tired.”

“Sure,” Randy says and the three of them sit there awkwardly until Jordie comes back with two bottles of water, one of which he hands to Jason. He sits down next to Jason and at last, Jordie puts them out of their misery.

“Guys, there’s a good reason I brought you here today. We need to tell you something.” The water bottle crackles when Jason’s grip on it tightens.

“‘We’?” Heather repeats, frowning at them. “The both of you? Is everything okay?”

Jordie puts his hand on Jason’s knee and gives it a squeeze. “Jason and I are having a baby.”

Randy sits up straighter and Heather looks stunned. “Jason — you’re pregnant?” she asks in a tremulous voice.

It’s only the steady pressure of Jordie’s hand that keeps Jason’s emotions in check. “Yes. Almost four months.”

Heather lets out a little cry and she stands and pivots so she can sit next to Jason and put her arms around him. Jason hugs her and pats her back when she starts to cry softly.

“Oh, honey, I’m so happy.”

“Yeah, we are, too.”

“Dad?” He and Heather break apart when Jordie speaks. Randy hasn’t moved and is watching them like they’ve all been traded to the Avs. “You cool with this?”

“Randy,” Heather says in a watery voice. “Don’t you have anything to say to these two?”

Randy releases a heavy breath and he reaches out to put a hand on both he and Jordie’s knees. “Boys. This baby could be the greatest D man to ever play the game.”

“That’s what my dad said,” Jason says and Randy starts to laugh. Then, Jordie and Jason start laughing.

“You stop it. It could be a girl, you know,” Heather says over their noise.

“Our daughter would be an even greater D man,” Jordie says and they all start laughing again.

“So,” Heather says, once things quiet down, “are you boys — “ She waves a finger between the two of them. “Have you been seeing each other?”

Jason looks at Jordie and Jordie looks back and Jason can’t help but think, _thanks, Heather, good question._

“He’s my best friend.” Jordie answers his mom but he doesn’t look away from Jason. “And we’re in this together. I mean.” Suddenly, Jordie looks and sounds hesitant and Jason hates it. “If that’s what you want, Jase.”

Jason puts his hand on Jordie’s knee. “That’s why I’m here, bud. I was hoping you’d say that.”

Jordie smiles and puts his arms around Jason, pulling him close. Jason leans into him and latches onto a handful of Jordie’s teeshirt. He’s struggling to keep his emotions at bay but he doesn’t care all that much that this is happening in front of Jordie’s parents. He’s just so thankful that all his doubts are being

“Okay, Heather, _now_ can I have some of that Crown?”

“Hell, yes, honey. Make it double.”

They visit for a while and Jason tells the Benns about how he found out about the baby, his first obstetrician appointment and Heather asks for his mom’s phone number. When they ask about where he’s going to live, Jason and Jordie look at each other.

“Well, I’m thinking Montreal would —” Jason starts.

“You know,” Jordie says at the same time, “you can definitely stay here with me.”

“What?” They both say it at the same time.

Heather sits up straight. “That’s a great idea. Then Jordie could help you if you need it, Jason.”

“Why are you so surprised?” Jordie asks and the little bite of irritation in his voice sets Jason off.

“Do you have to ask?” Jason shoots back. Because what the hell? Jordie thinks he can tell him how hot Jason is and boom, he’s gonna move in with his baby?

“Uh, okay. Son, we should get back to Jamie’s. Could you drive us over?” Randy says, standing up.

Jordie frowns at Jason but he stands up, too. “Yeah, sure.”

Once they’re gone, Jason flops down on the sofa, turning Jordie’s offer over and over in his head. He’d begun to accept that he would have the baby in Montreal. He hadn’t expected things to go this well with Jordie and even though he hadn’t told his parents, Jason was getting used to the idea of being at home when the baby is born. If the kid is born in Dallas, he’ll have dual citizenship and while Jason doesn’t hate that idea, the idea of his first born being born in Quebec had been growing on him.

He’s faced a lot of challenges lately but moving in with Jordie is _huge_. Jason came to Dallas wanting to repair their friendship. He wants his kid to have two parents who have some mutual respect. This is another thing entirely.

When Jordie returns and walks into the room, Jason stands up. “I need some time on this,” Jason says, not angry but with a steely determination. He’s not going to jump into a decision out of emotion. He needs to think.

“I understand,” Jordie returns quietly. “Take all the time you need.”

“Could you take me to my apartment now?”

Jordie nods and Jason feels a pang of regret at the blank expression that is back on Jordie’s face. But he says nothing as he goes to the bedroom to pack.


	7. Chapter 7

It takes a while to get the air temp in his apartment down to a comfortable level and the only edible food in the place is the frozen desserts Cooch bought a month ago. But there’s a knot of dread in the pit of his stomach that Jason is well familiar with and takes no time to get used to.

There wasn’t much to say during the drive. Jordie had dropped him off at the garage elevator but not before carrying his suitcase to the doors.

“Back to regular practice tomorrow.” Jordie looks and sounds so awkward. “Thursday is the home opener.”

“I remember.”

“If you need anything, I’ll — well, you know where I’ll be.” He hadn’t waited to watch Jordie leave. Jason had just turned around and pushed the button for the elevator.

Jason unpacks, throws in a load of laundry, starts a grocery list. All the things he would normally do after returning home from a long trip. Except there’s nothing normal about this homecoming. He goes to his usual grocery store and he returns his car to his assigned space but everything seems out of sync. He keeps looking over his shoulder for — _something_. He doesn’t know what.

He changes the sheets on the bed, giving some thought to the “fortress of solitude” days of early September. But when he finally turns in that night, it’s anything but a restful place. He can’t find a comfortable spot and after nearly an hour of tossing and turning, Jason reaches for his phone and calls Jordie.

“Jason?”

“Jordie? I don’t know what I’m doing.” Jason has to work to get the words out.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, but — I don’t want to play it cool anymore. I want to do this with you.”

“I’m glad, Jase,” Jordie says, his voice so low and soft. Jason knows he’s must have woken him up and his mind can’t help but go to an image of Jordie in bed, with the sheets around his waist. “That’s what I want, too.”

“I’ll bring my stuff over tomorrow, if that’s okay.”

“Sure. I’ll come over after practice. Should I bring Chubbs and Seggy?”

“I think we’ll be good. It’s mostly just my clothes. But Jor? You only have one bedroom.” There's an extra space that Jordie uses for storage but it's not big enough for a full sized bed.

“I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“For five months? That’s insane.”

“We’ll work something out. Together. Okay?”

Jason relaxes back against his pillows. “Yeah, Jor. Together.”

The next day, Jordie comes over and they take Jason’s repacked suitcase and Jason’s precious Dyson fan and they head back to Uptown. Jordie already cleared out a couple of drawers for Jason in his dresser and in the bathroom and he helps hang up Jason’s clothes in the closet without complaint. And the next thing he knows, Jason is blinking back tears. He tries to hide it from Jordie but it doesn’t work.

Jordie comes up beside him, putting his arm around Jason’s shoulder. “What’s going on, buddy?” he asks and his voice is so gentle that it’s all Jason can do to keep from crying ugly.

“Now that I’m here, I guess it’s hitting me.” Jason looks at Jordie, his vision blurred with tears. “In just a few months, we’re going to bring a baby home to this apartment. I don’t know anything about babies, Jor. Not a thing.”

Jordie wraps his arms around Jason, just as he had at the airport but maybe tighter. “I don’t know about babies either but we’ll learn. Our parents learned and so will we.”

Jason lays his head on Jordie’s shoulder and even in the midst of a mini-breakdown, he can feel the way Jordie shivers.

“Come on, now, babe, stop it. You don’t want to make me cry, do you?”

Jason lifts his head and laughs through his tears. “No, nobody wants that.”

Jordie releases him and cups Jason’s face with his hands. “Nobody wants that,” he repeats softly, just before he brushes his lips against Jason’s. Jason is so startled by the gesture, that he has to work to keep from jumping a foot away because he doesn’t want to do anything to cause Jordie to stop.

And he doesn’t, back-walking Jason out of the closet and toward the bed, holding onto Jason’s biceps and lowering him gently onto the mattress. Jordie follows him, pressing Jason down with his full weight, his kisses full of hunger. Jason spreads his legs to let Jordie lie between them and they make out for a while like they’re teenagers, moving their hips together and kissing until Jason’s lips are swollen.

Then Jordie reaches between them, tugging the elastic waist of Jason’s shorts and boxers down, his mouth hot and open against Jason’s neck and Jason is so fucking hard. He thinks he’s going to go off like a rocket before Jordie does _anything else._

“I’ve missed you, Jason,” Jordie murmurs against his cheek as his hand curls around Jason’s hot, aching dick. “I wanted to call you, I thought about it every day —“ 

Jason closes his eyes and holds his breath as Jordie’s calloused hand starts to stroke him and he tries desperately not to come. Jason’s rational thought process comes to an abrupt end when Jordie’s thumb rubs over his foreskin and it’s _amazing._

Being with Jordie again is so good. He’s relived their one time over and over again, despite his best efforts not to but his memories can’t hold a candle to the real thing. 

“Jor,” Jason says and it comes out a little whiny but he can’t help it. It’s been months since he’s had an erection, since he’s even thought about sex. He _needs_ this. “Come on, please —“

Jordie looks up and grins but he starts to move down over Jason at a faster clip. His hair sweeps across Jason’s chest and stomach and Jason sucks in a breath at the sensation. And Jordie’s head dips and his dick is engulfed in the wet, sweet tightness of Jordie’s mouth. He tilts his hips up a little, as Jordie’s lips slide over his taut skin and his tongue rubs against the underside of Jason’s dick and he’s holding onto control by a thread.

Jordie’s palms slide up Jason’s thighs, the skin on skin friction ratcheting his arousal up even more. But it’s the combination of Jordie holding his hips down, a wicked swirl of his tongue and one really tight, extended sucking sensation that pushes Jason to orgasm. He stiffens up and his orgasm erupts out of him, shooting over and over into Jordie’s mouth until he’s limp and lightheaded and dead still except for the effort it takes to catch his breath.

Jordie chokes a little and rises up on his elbows. “Fuck,” he says in a raspy voice, wiping his hand across his mouth, “did you hurt yourself?”  
Jason moans, really too weak for words right now.

“Jeez, that was a lot of come, dude.”

He throws his forearm over his eyes, still panting for breath. “I haven’t — not in forever. Thought my dick wasn’t working anymore.”

Jordie laughs. “Oh, I can confirm that it’s working just fine.”

Jason lifts his head. He can feel Jordie's rock-hard dick poking him in the thigh and his eyes are dark as he looks down at Jason.

“I’ll be right with you,” Jason says, waving a hand weakly at Jordie before laying down again, weighed down by contentment and happiness and oh, so much satisfaction.

Jordie lays down over him again, kissing him again while he thrusts his dick against Jason a couple of times. “I’m really close, Jase,” Jordie says against his mouth, his voice tight with urgency. “Can I just —“

Jason grins and hooks his arm around Jordie’s neck. “Yeah, knock yourself out.” And Jason just lies there like a happy slug while Jordie kisses him and rubs off against his thigh.

They’re slow to peel themselves apart and after a while, Jordie manages to lift himself up and off to the side. Jason stays flat on his back, basking in that just-got-laid glow.

“Jesus, Jase, I didn’t plan to — you okay?”

Jason reaches over and brushes his thumb over Jordie’s cheek. “I’m awesome,” Jason says on a contented sigh and Jordie smiles and stretches out next to him.

______________

Jason has a quick conversation with his agent later.

“We’re not ready for any big announcements. We want to just keep going.”

“Keep going,” his agent repeats in a flat tone.

“Yeah, let’s keep things status quo,” Jason says easily. He and Jordie are in agreement on this 100 percent. Maybe it’s not PR 101 to just wing it but this is what they’ve decided. They aren’t going to discuss Jason’s health or his presence in Dallas until it’s unavoidable. “Let there be speculation. It doesn’t matter. But we’re going to protect our kid for as long as possible.”

“This really isn’t a plan. And you know how much I like plans.”

“I do. But we want to keep the pregnancy private for as long as we can.”

“Well, obviously, this isn't my call. So. Keep me in the loop.”

“Will do.” Jason disconnects the call and puts his phone down on the kitchen counter.

“Done?” Jordie asks.

Jason lifts his fist. “Done.” Jordie give him a bump and they get on with it. 

______________


	8. Chapter 8

It’s a little awkward when it’s time for them to turn in for the night. When Jordie starts to gather up his pillows and blankets to take into the den, Jason keeps quiet for as long as he can.

“Jordie, wait.” Jordie stops in the doorway, frowning a little. Ordinarily, Jason would laugh at his sober face but sleeping with your kid’s other dad is serious business.

“This is silly. You have a massive bed. We’re having a baby together and we just had sex a few hours ago. Sleep in here.”

“I just — I don’t want you to think I’m taking advantage.”

Jason rolls his eyes and raises his hands. “I promise I’ll keep these to myself.”

Slowly, a grin works across Jordie’s face. Jason feels the heat of it from where he’s standing across the room. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

Jason pretends to look thoughtful. “Hmm. Maybe you’re right. Okay, I’ll _try_ to keep my hands to myself. How about that?”

“Deal.” Jordie comes over and rearranges the bed with his pillows next to Jason’s and they both get into bed. Jordie turns off the bedside lamp and they lay motionless in the dark.  
“Well. This is relaxing,” Jason says. “I’m gonna fall right off to sleep now.”

“Pipe down over there,” Jordie returns and with a groan, he turns over and settles down and he’s snoring softly within minutes.

Jason stays up a little while longer but he falls asleep with a smile on his face.

 

________

 

Jason’s second obstetrician’s appointment falls during the third week of the season and he manages to move it up a little, before the Stars start another road trip so Jordie can come.

A nurse — Barbara Gilmore, RN by her name tag — weighs him and then takes him and Jordie into an exam room. Jason hops up on the table and Nurse Gilmore takes his blood pressure, temperature and pulse. Jordie watches everything from the low doctor’s stool, jiggling one leg nervously.

“Dude, you look pale,” Jason remarks when the nurse leaves them alone. “What’s going on?”

Jordie jiggles his leg a few more times before he answers. “What’s he going to do to you?” Jordie asks, his eyes dark and freaked out.

“Press around on my belly and listen to the baby’s heartbeat. I mean, that’s what he did on the first visit.”

“He’s not going to hurt you, is he?”

“Why?” Jason asks with a laugh. “You gonna drop the gloves with my doc if I say ‘ow’?”

Jordie’s answer is a sullen glare. So Jason gives in and stops teasing him but Jordie’s show of protectiveness sits like a warm glow in his belly.

“Don’t worry so much,” Jason says. “It’s all good.”

“Easy for you to say.”

The doctor comes in and there are introductions all around. When Jason identifies Jordie as the baby’s dad, he gets a funny tightness in his chest, saying it out loud. And after the basic exam is done, the doc pulls out his fetal heart monitor. “We’re going to listen to your baby’s heartbeat now.”

Jason grins at the gobsmacked look Jordie gets when the sound gets projected into the small room. Jordie stands and takes Jason’s hand in both of his. 

“It’s so fast,” Jordie says, looking at the doctor worriedly.

“Perfectly normal. It’s about — 160 and that’s good for 14 weeks. Okay, Jason, you can sit up now.” Jordie helps him up but doesn’t leave Jason’s side or let go of his hand. He’s surprised at Jordie’s reaction and not surprised at all. He knows how protective Jordie is of Jamie and it’s not a shock that he’s projecting the same instinct toward their child. 

“On your next visit, we’ll do an ultrasound and we should be able to tell the sex of the baby. If you want to know, that is.”

“Jor? Do you?”

Jordie still looks pretty befuddled. “Well, I think I want to know. Do you?”

Jason smiles. He already knows what sex this kid is. But, hey. Let Jordie have some fun. “Yeah. We should definitely find out.”

When they get back home, they barely get inside the apartment before Jordie is on him, kissing Jason hard, holding him up against the door and rubbing against him. Jason relaxes completely, enjoying every second.

“Jesus,” Jason groans, as Jordie sucks a hickey onto his neck while opening up Jason’s pants and pulling his dick out. “The fuck, dude?”

“This whole thing,” Jordie says roughly, giving Jason a scorching look as he licks the palm of his hand and then takes Jason’s dick in a firm grasp. “It’s so fucking hot.”

Jason laughs breathlessly, grabbing onto Jordie’s biceps. “Pregnancy?”

“And you, Jase.” he murmurs, pressing kisses at the corner of Jason’s mouth, on his cheek, against his ear, “it’s you, too —”

 

____________

_November_

Esa Lindell is called up almost immediately from Cedar Park so he moves into Jason’s apartment after the start of the season. They move a few more things out and into Jordie’s place and Jordie complains a little about how his things are getting crushed in the closet but Jason offers to give him a blow job in the shower and he doesn’t mention it again.

Jason’s next doctor’s appointment is scheduled for a week that Jordie is on the road again so Jason asks if the ultrasound can be postponed. His doctor tells him that they need to check on the baby’s physical progress and take measurements so Jason goes ahead with it. But he tells the doctor not to tell him yet what sex the baby is. He knows anyway but he wants Jordie there when it’s made official.

The doctor tells him that the baby looks fine and is exactly where he should be on the growth chart. He gives Jason a printout of one of the views from the ultrasound. It shows the baby from the side, his vertebrae perfectly aligned, with his knees pulled up and one hand out in front of him, all five fingers splayed and clearly visible within the grey shadings of the screen. 

He can’t stop smiling all the way back home. He tapes it to the refrigerator and he takes a photo and texts it to Jordie later, when he knows Jordie will be at the hotel in Calgary and Jordie calls Jason back about three seconds later.

“Holy fuck, it’s amazing,” Jordie says, in an awed whisper. “Our kid.”

“He looks like me, right?” Jason fights to keep the laughter out of his voice because there’s no way to tell at 18 weeks who the kid looks like.

“Uh. Well —“ Jason starts laughing and Jordie swears.

“Fuck you. I thought you seriously believed this picture looks like you.”

It strikes him as hilarious and Jason falls backward on the sofa and laughs some more while Jordie chirps him hard. And that’s when it happens. It’s the lightest movement, barely a flutter. Jason stops laughing and he quickly pulls up his teeshirt and puts his hand on his bare belly. He’s not even sure it happened at first. But then it happens again. 

“What? No comeback, jackass?”

“Jor?” His voice is high and weird. “The baby. It just moved.”

“What? A-are you sure?”

“Pretty sure.” Jason keeps moving his hand to different spots on his belly, searching out that tiny, rippling sensation.

“What was it like?”

“It was like —“ Jason tries to put it into words but it’s difficult. “It was like something brushed across my skin but from the inside.”

“Oh, wow.” Then, he hears Jordie let out a frustrated breath. “I wish I didn’t have to miss this stuff.”

“Come on, Jor. It’s not a one time thing. You’ll get to feel it.”

“Yeah, sure. And how can you know he’s a boy? You didn’t find out today, did you?”

“I promised you I wouldn’t and I didn’t. And I don’t need the doc to tell me who this kid is. I know what I know. You gotta trust me on this.

“Okay. If you say so.”

_____________

When Jordie gets home from the road, he barely puts his gear down before he comes to Jason with his hands out. Jason laughs and lifts up his shirt without being asked.

Then, Jordie stops short, staring at Jason with big eyes.

“What?” Jason asks.

“Dude. You have a baby bump.”

Jason looks down at his bare belly. “You think so?” He’d though so. He had to go out and buy some new sweatpants while Jordie was gone but it has only been eight days.

“Uh, _yeah_. That definitely wasn’t there when I left.”

Jordie looks up at him and then back down at their child and Jason suddenly feels a wave of heat go through his body. Jordie steps closer and puts his hand over the rise of his belly, touching Jason with utterly gentleness. And Jason can’t stand it, can’t play it cool, not now, even if he wanted to. He kisses Jordie, Jordie groans softly and the kiss he returns is hotter, more intense. He puts both arms around Jason clasping his hands behind Jason’s back and pulling him in closer.

Jordie smells a little like the road, like recycled air and weariness but it’s so familiar to Jason. It feels like he’s back with the Stars, back being Jordie’s partner. Jason leans into the kiss, letting his hand skim over the muscles in Jordie’s back and through the fog of lust, Jason can feel the baby stir inside him.

He turns his head, breaking the kiss. “Can you feel that?” Jason asks him with a smile.

Jordie takes a second to catch up and Jason moves his hand on his belly, so that Jordie can feel the little kick. Jordie’s expression turns one of soft surprise. 

“Holy fuck, that’s — I feel it.” And their make-out session gets postponed indefinitely while their child entertains them for a while.

 

____________

“It’s a boy.”

“No shit. That’s awesome, dude,” Cooch says and Jason smiles at the enthusiasm in his voice. “A future D man, eh?”

“Maybe. We’ll see.” He’d been thinking about his kid playing hockey since the first day he found out he was pregnant but Jason is starting to adjust his thinking. He wants this kid to do what _he_ wants. Maybe sports won’t be his thing. He could be a scientist or a writer or —

“What’s wrong? Shouldn’t you be more excited about this? You’re having a son.”

Jason sighs. “I knew that all along. It’s just — Jordie —“

“What? He wanted a girl?”

“No. He was really happy.” As soon as the doctor and the technician left the room, Jordie had kissed him, so sweetly. 

“So, what’s he done now?”

“Nothing. I mean, literally nothing. He goes to practice, he comes home, we go to the store or to the driving range and everything is fine but —“ Jason pauses. “I’m confused. He’s not _telling_ me anything.”

“Like what? That he loves you?”

Jason blushes clear down to his toes. “No. I don’t know. We’re just rolling along here and everything is —“

“Fine. You said that already.”

“Well, it _is_ fine so maybe I shouldn’t complain. It could be a lot worse.”

And he does know this. Living with Jordie is like living with a boyfriend, only without the complications that come with love and commitment. Jordie cooks for him when he’s home. And some nights (and days), they have spectacular sex. But Jason doesn’t know what their status is. Are they baby daddies or are they more? He just has no damn clue.

“Jeez, you’re having a baby with this guy but do you ever talk to each other? This is just like the beginning, when you wouldn’t call him and he didn’t call you. What do you want to do here, bud?”

Jason hangs up, feeling a little disgruntled. He’s gonna have to stop calling Cooch. He’s making way too much sense.

 

__________

 

Jason has always enjoyed flying. He can sleep like the dead on a plane and he even likes the food. But the following week, just before he leaves on his second trip to Florida, the movements of the baby grow stronger and more frequent and his nerves are jangled. He’s sure that it’s not his imagination anymore — he most definitely has a burgeoning baby bump and for the first time, he finds himself uneasy about flying.

He does internet searches for “radiation while flying” and “where to buckle the seat belt if pregnant”. He knew there would come a time when his pregnancy would prevent him from flying but Jason gives serious thought to asking his doc to ground him right now.

He keeps all this low-key and away from Jordie because Jason doesn’t want to get _him_ started, too. he has to do this because the dude notices _everything._

Jordie has made it his mission to find the freshest, cleanest, most organic food available in Dallas and Tarrant Counties. And he cooks more often than Jason remembers. Jason is kinda charmed by it and a little annoyed because he can’t work up any interest in learning to prepare a meal. He tells himself that he’ll think about that after the baby is born but he probably won’t. He’s got enough to worry about.

Like this fucking plane ride.

It’s an early flight and he gets to the airport much too early to even think about finding something to eat — he’s been doing well but his gag reflex is at it’s most sensitive early in the morning and Jason doesn’t chance it. So he puts his ear buds in after he gets through security and hopes the dulcet tones of Chris Cornell and Ariana Grande will see him through.

The flight is rough. Throughout the entire three hours, they fly through numerous patches of turbulence, which adds another layer to Jason’s nervousness. Every time the cabin is jostled, his unease gets ratcheted up and it’s harder to concentrate on his music. He keeps touching his stomach, keeping a protective hand on his bump at all times.

There’s a car waiting for him at the airport and Jason gets in, shaky and a little queasy. In minutes, he’s a sweaty mess and he puts down the window to get some breeze. He turns his face into the sticky air and wipes his forehead with the end of his sleeve. It’s a steamy morning in Florida, of course. They had a couple of cooler days in Dallas just before he left and he really wishes he were back there right now. He doesn’t like being away from home anymore. It’s a new thing.

“Mr. Demers?” The driver, an employee of the Panthers that Jason is unfamiliar with, mispronounces his name as _da-meers_ , as most Americans do. Jason looks up and meets the driver’s eyes in the rear view mirror. “Are you okay?”

Jason swallows the urge to gag. “Uh, yes,” he answers but even to his own ears, he doesn’t sound very confident. “Do you — you don’t happen to have any candy on you, do you? I think my blood sugar is a little low.”

“No, sir, I don’t. We need to stop?”

Jason shakes his head. He doesn’t want to make any more of a spectacle of himself than he already has. “Can we just get to the Ice Den as fast as we can?”

The driver’s eyes widen and then the engine growls as he starts to speed up, weaving in and out of traffic and probably being more of a danger to Jason and his baby than he strictly needs to be but Jason just needs to get to people that he trusts. He’s not in Dallas so that means the Panthers.

He doesn’t bother to say that all the movement is not helping. Jason tries some deep breathing and closes his eyes, hoping that this is only a blood sugar thing and not a baby thing. He puts his palm against his belly, rubbing it softly. _Hang in there, buddy. Stay with me._

He barely makes it into the building before he has to run to the nearest bathroom and throw up. The only problem is that his stomach is empty except for the water he’d sipped on the plane so he’s mostly just dry heaving. Afterward, as he washes his hands, he looks at himself in the mirror and even he is alarmed by the stark white of his face. Then the trainer and the team doctor burst in and he’s in an ambulance, speeding toward the nearest maternity hospital.

“This probably isn’t necessary,” Jason explains weakly to the doctor once he and his gurney are pushed into a cubicle in the ER.

“Maybe, maybe not,” the ER doc says, taking his pulse. “But we’ll check.”

A nurse puts in a IV and Jason’s pulse takes another jump. Someone else takes down Jason’s history and gets his obstetrician’s number from Jason’s phone and Jason just lies there, his whole being focused on sending his child good energy. Jason’s not going to call Jordie until he knows something. He’s going to wait to call him but Jason would really like to hear his voice right now.

“Jason, we’re going to start you on some glucose and draw some blood to check your levels.” That sounds ominous to Jason — _what levels_ , he wonders, something other than blood sugar? “And we’re going to get hold of your doc in Dallas ASAP, okay? Just relax. We’re going to take care of you.” Jason can’t relax; how can he?

The glucose in the IV does seems to help because very quickly, Jason begins to recover. He starts to relax and his hands stop shaking. A nurse comes in with a glass of juice and a couple of Jolly Ranchers and Jason is finally able to take a deep breath. More blood is taken, a fetal monitor is used and finally, the doctor smiles at him.

“Jason, you definitely had a bout of hypoglycemia but everything else looks good. We talked to your doc in Dallas and he’d like us to do an ultrasound, just as a precaution but I don’t believe there’s anything to worry about.”

Jason releases a breath. “Oh, thank god.” The doctor gives Jason another smile and squeezes his forearm.

“Your doctor will follow up when you get back home. Gestational diabetes is very rare amongst males but it can happen. It’s just something you should be aware of throughout the rest of your pregnancy. It’s probably a good idea to start keeping some candy or fruit with you at all times. And don’t skip meals, okay?”

“Yes, okay, absolutely.” Jason laughs a little in double relief — that his carelessness didn’t hurt his baby and that the emotion that’s clogging the back of his throat isn’t manifesting itself in an embarrassing gush of tears.

“Give us a while to get the ultrasound done and in the meantime, I’ll have some food sent in. We’ll get you out of here as fast as we can.”

Jason nods and as soon as the doctor is gone, he fishes his phone out of his pocket. He brings up his favorites and takes a deep breath before tapping Jordie’s name. The Stars have three games in a row at home so Jason knows Jordie will be able to answer.

“Hey, bud.” Jordie answers on the third ring, his voice easy and casual. “You made it in okay?”

Jason holds his breath and considers how best to ease into this conversation. And then, he figures that ripping off the bandage is for the best. “Hey. Don’t freak out but I’m at the hospital in Miami.”

Jordie freaks out.

“Hospital? What happened, are you okay?”

“I’m fine. The baby is fine. I got checked out and everything is fine.“

“Why did you need to get checked out? What happened?”

“It was so early. I was feeling stressed and gaggy and I didn’t eat this morning or on the plane so by the time I got here —“

“Your blood sugar crashed. I’m coming down there. Which hospital? Gimme the address.”

Jason is perfectly calm now, calmer than he’s been for days. “You can’t come down here. You have a game tomorrow night.”

Jordie’s answer is immediate and stretched tight with tension. “I don’t care.”

“They’re going to give me an ultrasound —“ Jordie tries to talk over him again and Jason talks louder. “No, listen for a second. it’s just a precaution before they release me. As soon as it’s done, I’m outta here. So it’s all good now.”

“Jason —“

“I’m much better, I swear.” He tells him about the morning, about the nausea and the crazy ride from the airport. “They gave me some stuff in an IV, just sugar, no drugs and, oh, here comes some food,” Jason says, as someone brings in a tray. “Everything is okay. So _don’t_ come down here. I’ll be home tonight.”

He can hear Jordie’s harsh exhale. “Are you sure?”

“I would never lie to you about this. Me and the baby are good. I’m going to get something to eat, get an ultrasound and boom, I’m gone.”

“All right but. If anything changes, I mean anything, call me, okay? _Anything._ ”

“Anything. Gotcha,” Jason repeats, hoping to joke Jordie out of this but Jordie doesn’t laugh and Jason softens his tone. “I promise it’s all okay now. I’ll call you when I get back to the airport, yeah?”

“Yeah, and call me the minute you’re released. And be careful. And eat something.”

“Yep. Will do. Talk to you later.”

Jason puts his phone down and reaches for the tray that was left on the rollaway table next to the bed. There are orange wedges, thin slices of turkey and cheese and a little cup of dry roasted peanuts. None of it makes Jason want to hurl and he wolfs it down.

The wait for the ultrasound is longer than he likes but now that he knows everything is cool, he can deal. There’s nothing to do but to lie back and relax. There’s no TV in his ER cubicle so he plays with his phone for a bit but the batt is running low. His backpack and his phone charger is way on the other side of the room so Jason shuts it down and in no time at all, he’s sound asleep.

He’s not sure how long he sleeps. It seems like only a few minutes before someone is shaking his shoulder. Jason opens his eyes to see the Panthers’ PR guy, Daniel. “Jason, how are you feeling?”

 _I was asleep, buddy,_ Jason crankily says to himself as he slides up a little higher on the bed. “I’m good. You won’t catch me skipping breakfast again, that’s for sure.“ If he knows Jordie, he’ll have a live-in chef hired before Jason gets home.

“Jason, Mr. Viola would like you to take his personal jet back to Dallas, as soon as you’re able.”

“Oh. Well, uh, that’s really nice of him but it’s not necessary,” Jason says automatically, even though, inside, he’s saying, _oh boy oh boy oh boy._ He’d love to stretch out on a smooth leather seat, with a flight attendant all his own to bring him stuff all the way to Dallas.

“He insists. It will be waiting for you at Executive Airport and I’m going to wait until you’re released and make sure you get there.”

“Well, if he insists,” Jason says with a shrug, like he regularly travels by private jet. He does on occasion, when he’s with a group of guys or it’s part of a vacation package that hockey players are lucky enough to fall into. But it’s not so often that it’s not still cool as hell. He picks up his phone and starts to text Jordie when Daniel clears his throat.

“I — uh —“

Jason looks up from his phone. Daniel looks flustered and uncomfortable, like he’d give anything sink into the upholstery. “Excuse me?”

He wets his lips and smooths back his thinning hair. “I was — uh, just going to say that my Uncle — my mom’s brother — he had a baby, too.”

“Oh, yeah?”

Daniel laughs self-consciously, his gaze darting away from Jason’s. “Yeah, I — just wanted to tell you that. He told me that it was the best thing he ever did and I hope that everything works out for you.”

“Well, thanks, dude. I appreciate that.” They make small talk about babies and Dallas until Jason is finally released and they’re on the way to the airport with the same driver as earlier.  
“Listen, I’m sorry about earlier,” Jason says, when he gets back in the back seat of the Lincoln. “I hope I didn’t freak you out too much.”

Jason is exhausted from the day’s events so maybe he’s not reading very well but the driver’s eyes have a hostile narrowing about them. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he says shortly before putting the car into gear and pulling away from the curb.

But maybe he’s not completely off the mark because Daniel notices it, too. “So,” Daniel starts, with a lingering look of disapproval toward the front seat, “do you have any names picked out?”

“Nah. We haven’t gotten that far, yet.”

“Well, never discount the value and honor in the name Daniel. Or Danielle.”

Daniel sees Jason onto the plane and makes sure he has everything he needs. “Listen, man, thanks for staying with me. I’m going to call Mr. Viola as soon as you leave and let him know that you should have a raise.”

Daniel laughs and says goodbye and Jason calls Jordie first, then his parents, then Mr. Viola, telling him about Daniel and thanking him for the use of his plane. It’s bigger than the ones that Jason has traveled on with his buddies — there’s actual wood paneling and a full length sofa and _a lamp_.

The flight attendant brings him a fruit plate and a glass of iced tea before they take off and there’s a club sandwich with a salad once they’re up in the air. And once his belly is full, that’s pretty much all she wrote — Jason passes out until the flight attendant wakes him up just before their ascent into Love Field.

It’s nearly midnight when the plane slows to a stop on the tarmac. Jason sits up and peers out the window as the engines decelerate then shut down. He has to press close to the glass to see behind the darkness.

Jason’s heart flutters a little as the shapes become clearer. It’s been a long, stressful day and Jordie’s there, waiting for him outside the hangar and a profound sense of _home_ overwhelms him. How many times will he make this trip, he and the baby, to see Jordie? With Jordie waiting here for them?

Jason thanks the flight crew and despite his growing physical awkwardness, his step is light as he descends the steps into a misty, cool rain. Jordie is looking down at his phone but when he sees Jason, he starts walking to meet him. It’s dark and the light from the hangar behind him puts Jordie in shadows until he’s just a few steps away. But as he gets closer, Jason can see the unhappy concern in Jordie’s expression.

As soon as he’s within arms’ length of Jason, Jordie wraps both arms around him and holds him close. “God, that was so scary,” Jordie says gruffly and Jason relaxes into his arms.

“Yeah, it was. But we’re good now.”

Jordie pulls back a little and kisses him and it just feels right. Jason sighs and leans into it, gives Jordie a little tongue. Jordie reacts by tighten his arms around Jason. It’s dark and they’re in a more private area of the airport and they stand there, making out in the rain and it’s all very romantic until Jordie breaks it off and reluctantly lets him go.

“Jason, we need to get home.”

There’s something about the tone of Jordie’s voice that makes Jason uneasy. “What’s wrong?”

Jordie touches Jason’s cheek with the back of his fingers. “It’s over, bud. The word’s out. It happened while you were in the air.”


	9. Chapter 9

“I was with Jamie and Seggy and my agent called,” Jordie explains on the ride home. “Yours called, too, by the way, when he couldn’t get a hold of you. You should call him. And your parents.”

Jason smoothes his hand over his lower abdomen, frowning. “Yeah, my phone died and I forgot to charge it on the plane. So, how did it happen?”

“The details of that aren’t out yet. Anonymous reports, they say. But someone spilled their guts to ESPN, of all places. Like they give two shits about hockey,” Jordie mutters derisively.

“What did they say?”

“That the reason you’re out this season is because you’re pregnant. That you’re living in Dallas and that you had a health scare.”

Jason plugs his phone into the charger in Jordie’s truck. “Well, that about sums it up, eh?” 

Jordie reaches across the console and gives Jason’s arm a squeeze. Jason uses Jordie’s phone to make a quick call to his parents while they’re in the truck. And as soon as they’re home, he and Jordie both call their agents and the four of them get on speaker and have a quick conference. 

“I know you and Jordie want to maintain your privacy,” Jason’s agent says, “but the time has come to put out a press release on this. We can word it anyway you want but we need to confirm the pregnancy and end the speculation.”

“I agree,” Jordie’s agent speaks up. “You don’t have to confirm anything about your personal lives but we don’t need this to be any more of a media circus than it already is.” Sitting at the bar in the kitchen, Jason and Jordie exchange grim looks. 

Jason’s agent adds something more. “And the fact is all this could reflect negatively on the Panthers and we don’t want that. They’ve done all the right things where you’re concerned, Jason. Plus, if we are ambiguous about what is going on, teams might wonder if you’re hiding a medical condition and that could affect you going forward.”

Jason grimaces. He’d be doing the Panthers a solid by confirming this. And he does have his future career to protect. Now, more than ever.

“Okay,” he says, “go ahead with a statement. But let us see it before it's released. As short and generic as possible.” Jason ends the call and puts his head in his hands. “Ugh. This is all my fault. If I had taken better care of myself, none of this would have happened.”

“Maybe. Maybe not.” Jordie squeezes Jason’s shoulder and Jason moans and drops his head forward. “I’m just glad you guys are okay.”

“Oh, keep doing that.” Jordie gets up and stands behind him and starts kneading both his shoulders, gently stroking his neck with his thumbs. “Fuck, yeah. It’s been such a long day, Jor.”

“It has been. Why don’t you go get in a hot shower?” 

Jason sighs noisily and gets up. “You don’t have to tell me twice.”

The press release arrives in their inboxes as they’re about to get into bed. It confirms that Jason is pregnant and that he is well and anticipates a trouble-free pregnancy. It says that he is grateful for the support of the Florida Panthers organization. And it asks that his privacy be respected. 

Jason sends his agent a thumbs up emoji and then turns off his phone. “Well. I guess tomorrow is going to be a long day, too,” Jason says, getting under the covers and rubbing his belly when the baby starts to move at the change of position.

Jordie doesn’t answer and Jason looks over to see him still sitting on his side of the bed, looking at his phone.

“Everything okay?” Jason asks.

Jordie half turns and holds his phone up. “According to this press release, you had an immaculate conception.”

Maybe it’s the old pregnancy brain at work again but Jason is clueless. “Huh?”

“I thought I’d be included in this.”

“Why should you? You can fly under the radar here; I can’t. I thought we wanted to keep as much of our business private as possible. And obviously, your agent cleared this so —“

“So. What? I don’t get the choice to announce that I’m going to be a father? You’re doing me this favor?”

In one tiny corner of his mind, Jason recognizes he’s hurt Jordie’s feelings but he is exhausted down to his bones. “Jordie, please, can we talk about this tomorrow? I really need some sleep.” Jason turns over onto his left side, settling in with a pillow between his knees as he usually does.

“Yeah, no problem. Just let me know when I might have a minute of your time.”

Jason starts to say something snarky but he’s just too tired and his eyelids are drooping already. The next thing he knows, there’s daylight seeping in under the window blinds and the other side of the bed is empty.

Jason heard Jordie get up ahead of him for the morning skate ahead of the Avs game but he just couldn’t wake up so early. So except for Juice, Jason is all alone when he gets out of bed. 

He and Juice pad into the kitchen and Jason gives Juice a treat before feeding himself some sliced fruit and wheat toast. He sits at the kitchen counter and chews thoughtfully, wondering what he’ll face today. He’s actually a little surprised at how soundly he slept last night, considering all that’s gone down over the last 24 hours. He’d left his phone charging and on silent over night and Jason doesn’t even want to look at it right now. His agent had advised him to go to radio silence for a while and Jason intends to do just that. 

He checks the clock. It's too early in San Jose to call Cooch and he gets up to grab another treat for Juice when the landline phone rings. It’s getting to be a habit for him to ignore all phone calls and he’s about to ignore the call but he checks the caller ID out of curiosity. It’s Jordie.

“Turn ESPN on,” Jordie says gruffly, without even saying hello first. “They’re talking about the guy who squealed on you.”

 _You, not us._ Jason takes notice of the choice of pronoun with a frown as he grabs the remote and turns to ESPN. When the picture and sound come on, the panel is in the middle of a discussion.

> _”…who has apparently given an interview to Fox News, repeating the claims he made to ESPN and unfortunately, going quite a bit further. Here’s a brief clip from that interview. Very brief.”_

The screen changes from the studio to a face that Jason recognizes immediately. It’s the driver from yesterday, the one who had seemed so hostile on the ride to the airport. 

“Oh, fuck me,” Jason says out loud. 

“Yeah,” Jordie says back, sounding pretty hostile himself.

> _”The babies are the innocent victims here. Sex between men is an abomination. It goes against everything that Our Lord has told us …”_
> 
> “Okay, can we cut? That’s enough of that. I’d like to say that we took this man’s call originally because he had sports-related facts of interest to our views, facts that were confirmed late last night by a statement from Jason’s agent. But. No, I want no part of that.
> 
> “I’m with you, pal. A baby is a blessing, that’s what my grandma always said, so good luck, Jason. All the best from us here at ESPN.“ __

__

Jason swallows at the knot in his throat and turns the TV off again. It’s certainly not the first time he’s encountered the ugliness of homophobia and it won’t be the last. But this involves his child, too and he doesn’t know how to handle that. That tears at Jason in a way he never experienced.

“Are you okay?” Jordie asks grudgingly. He’s obviously still pissed about last night.

Jason closes his eyes and clenches his jaw, fighting the sensation rising in him. 

“Jason?”

There is little control about the words that burst out of him. “I was an ass last night.” He’s sniffling and his voice has as much steadiness as a new skater’s first time on the ice but it’s the best he can do. “You can make any announcements you want, Jordie, I’m not going to stop you, just please, stick with me right now.” Jason wipes his runny nose with the back of his hand and waits, just hoping that Jordie hears him.

“I’m with you. Of course, I am.”

“But you’re still mad. I can tell.”

“I’ll be home in a couple hours, okay? We’ll talk about it then,”

Jason hangs up and tips over sideways, holding on to Juice and letting him lick away his tears. He doesn’t turn the TV back on.

Just a few minutes later, the phone rings again. Jason has no intention of answering it. But he can’t help but check the caller ID anyway and he grabs it up quick.

“Cooch,” Jason says and he doesn’t mean to sound so broken but it is what it is.

“Holy fuck, I just woke up and turned on my phone and holy fuck.

Jason sits up and wipes away tears and dog saliva off his face. “Has anyone called you yet? Any media?”

“Any media that calls me is going to get a lot more than they bargained for. Who was that fucker who talked?”

Jason tells him about the crazy trip to Florida.

“Well, is the kid okay? Are you?”

He takes a long, shuddering breath. He loves Cooch so much right now. “The baby is fine but I fucked it up with Jordie.”

"What did he do now?” 

“He didn’t do anything except want to be included in the statement and I blew him off.

“Oh, jeez, bud.”

Maybe there’s dysfunction in his and Jordie’s relationship but it’s not as if Jordie hasn’t been crystal clear on the subject of inclusion in the baby’s life. It’s not as if Jordie hasn’t done everything that Jason has asked him. And, of course, Jason had to go and shit on that.

“I screwed up. I can’t do this without him, Cooch. I need him with me.” His eyes start to water again. “I mean, I knew I would catch some shit for taking it up the ass and I could give a fuck about that. But we have a baby to think about. I’m gonna need some backup here.”

“Okay, don’t panic, this is easily fixed. Jordie puts out a release that says he’s the baby’s father. Done. Everything goes back to normal. Well. As normal as this situation can possibly be.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m going to tell him when he gets home.” Jason chokes out a laugh. “If he comes home.”

“Now, don’t go off the deep end. What are you doing now?”

Jason looks over at Juice, who looks back worriedly. “Me and the dog are sitting here, looking at each other.”

“Well, I gotta go. But don’t do anything rash. I have some ideas.”

“Wait, what do you mean, ideas?”

"Call me tonight, okay? And don’t worry. I’m on it. You and Jordie take care of business at your end.”

Jason suffers momentary doubt but Cooch has been a rock through this whole situation and Jason trusts him. “Thanks, buddy. I owe you one.”

“You owe me several. Later.”

The baby is very active and there’s no better reminder that he should finish his breakfast but Jason has to force it. Every bite sticks in his throat and he washes it down with water without even tasting it. Jason tries some deep breathing, too, to try and slow his heartbeat. He needs to call his obstetrician today, to get his blood sugar rechecked and he wants to ask him about the effects of stress on the baby, too because _holy hell_.

But nothing can stop Jason from pacing after breakfast and watching the clock. He knows when the team will be done with morning skate and he knows how long it takes to drive from the AAC to the apartment. When the time Jordie should have arrived comes and goes, the little bit of breakfast he was able to get down starts to churn unpleasantly in his gut.

He sits down in front of the TV and turns it on, quickly turning it away from ESPN and onto HGTV, then TVLand or pretty much any channel where there’s no chance that he’ll see any hockey news. He’s half-watching the Bonanza episode about Hoss’s mom when the door opens and Jason jumps to his feet.

“I’m a selfish prick.”

“What?”

“I honestly thought it was the right thing, keeping your name out of the press release, Jordie. I didn’t think about — well, I just didn’t think.”

“Jason —“

“Are you still mad? Because I’ll —“

Jordie puts both hands on Jason’s shoulders and gives him a little shake. “Stop talking,” he says laughingly. “Listen, I did something. I hope it’s okay but I thought —“

The door swings open again and suddenly, the place is full of hockey players. Jamie, Seggy, Spezz, Klinger, Lehts, Rous and Nemo file into the apartment with a considerable amount of noise and chirping and Jason is afraid he’s going to start to bawl for real. 

Seggy comes up and pulls him away from Jordie and envelopes him and pets him in typical, Seggy fashion. “We got your back, bro,” Seggy says, “all fucking day long.”

“Guys,” Jason says, his words muffled when Jamie pulls him into his broad chest next, “I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to, bud,” Spezz says from behind him, his goofy grin evident in his voice. “We’re doing the talking for a change.”

“Yeah, give your mouth a rest,” Rous says. 

Jason frees himself from Jamie’s hold and looks around at the grinning faces of his friends. “What does that mean?”

Jordie moves in next to him, his gaze warm and amused. “Your buddy Cooch called me this morning and well, he’s not a complete jackass, I guess.”

"I tell him you said that,” Nemo adds in.

“Jordie,” Jason asks with some skepticism, “what’s going on? What have you done?”

Jordie ducks his head and Jason is pretty sure he blushes. “Let’s just say the after-practice Q&A covered a few topics other than the Avs. And Couture is doing the same thing with the Sharks. And Jamie made a few calls —”

He’s aware, on the periphery, that the guys break away and start to rummage through their refrigerator but the majority of Jason’s being is occupied by Jordie and the flow of his own pulse in his ears. He’d spent half the morning unsure whether Jordie was still with him, when all the while Jordie was fixing things and making sure he was taken care of.

It’s what Jordie does. He did it with Jamie before him and now, he’s doing it with him. Why is he so surprised?

The guys are talking and the Bonanza theme comes on but it’s all background noise because Jason can’t take his eyes off Jordie and his soft smile. 

“Uh, yeah, I think we should go,” he hears Jamie say. 

Seggy laughs. “Like right now.”

“Hey, Jordie, don’t you have anything to eat in here?” 

Jordie turns around and he and Jamie go into the kitchen to stop the invasion and Jason tries to catch his breath. He doesn’t even need to see the Q&A to know the answer to whether his friends in the league are going to back him up completely. He shouldn’t be surprised. 

“So,” Rous says beneath the commotion, “you and Jordie.” His knowing grin makes further words unnecessary.

“All right, yes. But it’s not what you think,” Jason says under his breath because he really doesn’t want to draw the others into this conversation. 

“Uh huh.”

“Listen, you don’t —“

“Say no more. I understand,” Rous says, winking at him and making an odd clicking noise with his tongue. Clearly, he does not understand, but in this setting of good hockey fellowship, Jason doesn’t need to argue the point.

The boys stick around for a little while longer, doling out childrearing advice and he’s fine with that. But when Lehts, the father of two, starts in with pregnancy advice, Jason has to roll his eyes. He doesn’t know how women put up with this shit on an hourly basis

“Look, pal,” Jason says to Lehts, “when Abbe lets you carry the next baby, you can give me all the tips you want, okay?”

“Ooh, he told you,” Klinger says and Nemo adds something in Finnish that makes Lehts blush and hang his head.

“Okay, guys, let’s go. We have to be back at the AAC in three hours,” Jamie says. Jason is so glad that he says it because he really wants to be alone with Jordie.

They see their guests out and when the door is closed, they stand there and look at each other for a long time.

“I can’t wait to see the interviews.” Jason’s heart is knocking hard against his ribs when he takes a step closer to Jordie. “Did you say the baby is ours?”

Jordie shrugs and grins. “You’ll see.”

Jason smiles back. “Very mysterious,” he says, taking another step and sliding his hand down Jordie’s sleeve until Jason can grab his hand. Jordie’s gaze never leaves his and his fingers curl around Jason’s. 

“Thanks, Jordie,” Jason says in a low voice. “Thanks for not bailing.” 

Jordie leans in and kisses Jason on the cheek. “That’s never gonna happen,” Jordie says in return, his voice soft and rough and Jason shivers against the warmth of Jordie’s body. “Not now, not after the baby’s born.”

They start making out, right there against the door, Jordie’s arms around him so tight. But it’s not so much lust that drives Jason but tenderness in his heart, swelling to the level of a sweet ache in his chest. Jordie’s touch is like fire, lighting him up inside, filling him with contentment. He could stay like this forever.

_____________

The interviews with the Stars are part of the pregame package, introduced by Razor with his usual mischievous smile. Jason and Juice sit on the sofa together and watch.  
“There was loosely related hockey news today about one of the Stars former players, who is in a family way, Luds.”

Luds smirks into the camera. “Yeah, in this very special edition of Stars Live, let’s go to Mike Heika in the Stars locker room after morning skate today.”

The scene changes to Jamie in the locker room at Frisco, wiping sweat off his face. 

We heard some news about your former teammate, Jason Demers, today,” Mike says off camera. “Some happy news.”

Jamie grins. “Yeah, we’re all very excited about this,” he says. ”He’s a very good friend, to all of us here in this room and we couldn’t be happier for him.”

Klinger is next, his pale face bright pink and his smile wide. “I feel like I’m going to be an uncle. This kid is going to have a lot of uncles.”

Tyler appears, his movie star good looks lighting up the screen. “How cool is this, right? It’s a surprise. You never know what that dude is going to do next but I think it’s really awesome.”

Then it’s Jordie’s turn and Jason holds his breath. “What did you think about the news about Jason Demers? I know you guys are pretty close,” Mike says with just a trace of playfulness in his voice.

“I think he’s going to make a fantastic parent,” Jordie says, almost solemnly. “He’s one of the best people I know.”

“I understand he’s staying with you, here in Dallas.”

“That’s right. The baby will be born here. He’s going to be a native Texan.”

“It’s a boy?” Mike sounds delighted with that. “You know that already?”

Now, Jordie’s face breaks out in a full smile. “Yeah. A little boy.”

“Uh, Jordie, do you have anything to tell us?”

Jordie laughs. “Now, Mike, you know I don’t answer questions about my personal life,” Jordie chides him in a tone that pretty much confirms every suspicion that Mike’s implying. Jason laughs loud enough to startle Juice.

During the intermission of the Stars game, Jason switches over to the NHL Channel and he watches the video from the Sharks, with Cooch in the starring role.

“I’m a little surprised, that’s for sure. No, really, really surprised but he’s got this, he’s gonna do great.” 

Jumbo speaks, and Patty and Burnsy and a few other guys, and there are even remarks from Sid and Brassy and a few other guys from the early games on the East Coast and there are a few tears mixed in with Jason’s laughter.

The interviews are shown everywhere that night — the NHL channel, ESPN, even on the local Dallas stations. When Jordie gets home from the Avs game (Jordie gets an assistant in a win), they sit on the couch together and flip through the channels. 

At one point, Jordie puts his arm around Jason and tugs him closer and Jason gives into it, snuggling into Jordie’s chest. It’s been an emotional day — an emotional few months, to say the least — so Jason relaxes into it, into Jordie and simply enjoys it without analyzing. He needs this tonight and he needs it from Jordie.

When Cooch’s goofy face appears on the screen, Jason says, “You know that Cooch has to be the baby’s godfather. You’re with me on that, right?” 

“Jamie, too?”

“Absolutely.” Tonight, agreeing is as effortless as skating across a clean sheet of ice. He can hardly believe that he’s ending the day like this, not after the way it began.

Jason is right where he’s supposed to be; he’s never be more sure of that.


	10. Chapter 10

_December_

In mid-December, the Stars begin a long home stand that stretches into January — over three full weeks with only one quick trip to Arizona. Their record hasn’t improved. They win one, lose one, win one, lose two. But this stretch will be the easiest of the season. More importantly, it also marks the most extended period of time that he and Jordie will have together before the baby is born.

There are a few intense days after the news of the pregnancy becomes public. They get bombarded by requests from the media from all over the world and cameras show up everywhere, so Jason keeps close to home for a while. But the furor dies down after a full week of 24-hour insanity and both he and Jordie breathe a little more easily. 

They take one of their free days to do some Christmas shopping for the baby. Their parents have been after them to start buying furniture and supplies for the nursery now, before things get too crazy. Jason and Jordie don’t see what the hurry is and say so but once they start implying that he and Jordie may not be up to the task, they get into gear. 

A trip to Northpark doesn’t work out so well because after they’ve been there a while, a crowd begins to gather. A few Stars fans see them and then a few more and after 45 minutes of interruptions and photo requests and pointed questions and worse, advice about the baby, they decide to do the majority of their buying online.

“I mean,” Jason complains a few nights later at Jamie and Seggy’s, “it’s fucking weird. We’ve been walking around Dallas unnoticed for two years and now, we can’t go down the street for pop.”

“Come on, bro, you serious?” Seggy says distractedly. “You have a baby in your belly. People are going to follow you.” He doesn’t say any more and Jason sighs and puts his hand on Seggy’s head. Seggy has his ear pressed to Jason’s belly so it’s an easy move to make. “It’s cool as hell.”

“You know, he can’t talk yet. What are you listening for?”

“Shhh.”

Jason gives him a few more minutes. “Dude, you’re my bro and all but would you get off me now?” Seggy is totally fascinated by the way the baby makes his abdomen jump and roll. Whenever they’re together, Jason spends half the time with Seggy’s hands all over him. He loves Seggy like a brother so he’s amused by it but some days, he just needs a little space.

“I just want to wait for one more kick.” So Jason sits back and lets Seggy feel him up. He rolls his eyes at Jordie when he comes out of the kitchen and into the living room.

“Oh, jeez, not again.”

“Shut it, Jordie,” Seggy says, moving his big hands over Jason’s belly. “Don’t be so greedy.”

Jordie snaps a towel at Seggy’s back. “Come on, Seggy, Jason said that’s enough.”

Seggy looks back at Jordie, then lays his head on Jason’s shoulder. “I want a baby,” he says sadly and Jason pats his knee in sympathy.

“Well, Jamie needs help in the kitchen. Go tell him about it.” 

Seggy leaves and Jordie sits down in the space Seggy vacated, putting his arm around the back of the sofa where Jason is sitting, close enough that he’s touching Jason from his shoulder to his calves.

“I thought I knew all there was to know about Seggy,” Jordie says with a small frown. “I sure as hell didn’t know that.”

“You know that he and Jamie want a kid eventually. I think this one,” Jason says, moving his hand over his bump, “speeded the conversation up a little.”

“I thought he was just being a nuisance but I — I feel bad now.”

“There’s not a thing wrong with adoption but I’m so glad I got to do this.”

Jordie’s arm curves around Jason’s shoulders. “Yeah. I didn’t think about it like that. I guess we got lucky, huh?”

Jason looks at Jordie and his stomach flips over as emotion rises and shifts inside him. “We are, aren’t we?” He leans in and kisses Jordie’s cheek and Jordie pulls him in closer and they stay just like that until Jamie calls them to supper.

 

_January_

Once the team knows about the baby, he’s a semi-regular visitor to the practice facility in Frisco. One day, while the team is out on a road trip, Jason is using the gym to get some stationary bike time when one of the PR associates comes running in. “Jason, we just heard. There was a fire on the plane.”

His stomach plunges and Jason struggles to get off the bike with wobbly legs that have nothing to do with exercise. “What? What happened? Are they okay?” he asks, fumbling for his phone in the cup holder on the bike. It rings before he can even grab it. Jason looks at the caller ID and he almost sinks to his knees.  
“Jordie? Are you okay?” He hates the way his voice sounds and the PR guy is right there, watching him but fuck him, this is Jordie and his friends.

“We’re okay. Everything’s fine. There was smoke in the cockpit but no fire. It was probably something electrical. We landed and we’re back in the terminal now. Everyone is safe.”

His breath billows out of his lungs and Jason puts the phone to his chest. “They’re okay, back in the terminal. Would you give me a minute?”

The PR guy looks embarrassed. “Oh, right, I’m sorry.” He quickly leaves and Jason goes over to sit on the bench press, trying to dislodge the fear that’s still stuck in his throat.

“Jase? You there?”

“Yeah, yeah,” he says, his voice breathy and high, “I just — fuck, that scared the shit out of me.” There’s such a pressure on his chest right now. Jason puts his hand there and his heart is pounding. “Somebody just came running in here and said there’s a fire on the plane and I thought —“

“Awww, you care,” Jordie says jokingly and Jason tries not to lose his shit. The father of his child was on a plane that had to make an emergency landing and he’s supposed to be chill?

“Well, hell, yes, I care,” Jason says and he can hear the strain in his voice. He steps back from the edge and lightens his tone. “I mean. Of course, I care. I’m not gonna raise this kid by myself.”

Jordie huffs a short laugh. “Right. Of course. Well, I just wanted to let you know that we’re okay.”

“Thanks. Call me when you get to L.A., okay?”

“Yep. I will.”

Jason puts his phone down on the bench next to him and wipes away the dampness on his cheeks. If anything happened to Jordie — Jason can’t put into words what that would do to him. And he’d made a stupid joke of it. 

When Jordie calls later that night, Jason relives the moment he’d learned about the problem on the plane, just from hearing his voice. “I’m glad you’re okay,” Jason confesses softly. “I didn’t mean to sound like an asshole before. I do care. You know that, right?” It feels like his chest will burst as he holds his breath and waits for Jordie’s reaction.

“Yeah, I get it,” Jordie says and Jason can almost see his smile. “You like me.”

“No, I mean it,” Jason says because he doesn’t want there to be any doubt about why he’s here in Dallas. “You’re my best friend. With all this other stuff going on, I don’t want you to forget that. You’re not just my baby daddy, Jordie.” 

Jordie’s end of the line goes quiet for a long moment and Jason wonders if he went too far. “Jason,” Jordie begins, his voice rough, “I’m glad y — yeah, same for me.”

 

_____________

 

The Stars have a decent break at the end of January — a run of six home games over a sixteen day span — so Jason and Jordie have more than enough time to start talking about a name. They sit together on the sofa, with a soft throw over their legs and throw out some possibilities.

"What do you think of Jared?"

Jason doesn’t look up from the well-worn paperback copy of Best Baby Names that Abby Sharp sent over. "Makes me think of that pervert in the Subway commercials. Next."

Jordie taps his pencil on the Dallas Stars note pad on his lap. "John."

He makes a disgruntled sound and turns a page. “Klinger will think we named the kid after him. Next.” _Hmm,_ Jason ponders as he scans the names. _Liam Demers. Lincoln Demers._

"I know -- Jake."

Jason turns that one over in his head for a moment. "Put that one down." He watches as Jordie happily does so. And when he looks up, Jason is still staring at him.

“So, you’re just doing J names, eh?”

"Well, yeah. Of course."

"Come on, dude.  Not another J in your family. Who are we, the Duggars?"

"I know, but--"

Jason puts his hand on Jordie’s leg. “Let’s start a new tradition.”

Jordie looks so disappointed that Jason almost reconsiders. But then Jordie shrugs. "Okay, Jase. Okay."

__________

_February_

The Stars limp into February, losing two at home to the Jets and the Hawks. The Central is different from last season. The Wild, the Preds and the Hawks are pulling away but everyone else is bunched up in a mass of mediocrity. Even though they haven’t been mathematically eliminated, there’s not much chance that the Stars will go on a run. They haven’t been able to accomplish that all season.

Jason has been on that ride before and he recognizes it, even though he’s not around the team that much lately. They were supposed to be a Cup contender this year and instead, they’ve managed three wins in a row only once this season. 

Jason does his best to steer Jordie’s mind in a different direction whenever he’s home. Between him and the baby, he succeeds pretty well in keeping Jordie loose and distracted. And the day before Jordie is due to leave on a two-game road trip, he comes up with a real winner.

"I got the name." 

He lays it on Jordie the minute he walks through the door after practice. Jason waddles over to him, relieved as hell and even more determined. "Now, don't give me any lip. I've made up my mind and that's it and we're done."

Jordie drops his bag by the door. He looks tired but that's not unusual for post-practice, especially not this season. "I don't get a vote, eh?" Jordie asks on a sigh but Jason knows he's not pissed.

"Well, yeah, you do but I know you're gonna love it."

Jordie's still a little damp from practice but Jason doesn't mind when Jordie puts his arm around him and guides him over to the sofa. He has to hold onto Jason's arms until Jason can lower his round, off- balanced body onto the deep cushions and once he's settled, Jordie sinks down next to him. 

"Okay, let's hear it.”

“Beau. Beau Jordan Demers. On point, am I right?”

But Jordie’s expression freezes and then morphs into horror. “Bo? You’d name our child B-O? Dude, what the hell?”

“No, you dope. Not B-O. B-E-A-U. Beau. It’s Southern. And it’s French, like me,” Jason says with a proud grin.

Jordie shakes his head. “What is the deal with you and the South lately? I’m pretty sure I heard you say ‘y’all’ the other day. And I found a box of Moon Pies in the pantry. Now, I know you’ve lived in a Dallas for a while but you are so not Southern.”

Jason lifts his chin. “It happens that my mom’s family were some of the original settlers of _Southern_ Quebec.”

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t know that.” Jordie replies with a hard eye roll.

The rest of Jason’s answer is more serious. “So I’m not Southern. But our kid is going to be. He’s going to be born in Dallas and he’ll grow up in Florida and Texas. You can’t get more Southern than that. He’s gonna be supreme ruler of the South.” 

At the mention of their child’s two future homes, Jordie’s face falls into unhappy lines and he turns his head, so that all Jason can see is the full, thick bottom of his beard. 

“Jor?”

“Jason, time is getting short and I think we need to talk.”

Jason sits up a little straighter. “Sure. Let’s talk.”

Jordie sits forward, with his hands clasped between his knees and he looks straight ahead. “I really want the baby to have Benn in his name. I thought you knew that.”

“Well. You never said so.” They _had_ never talked about it but Jason didn’t ever push the subject. 

Jordie looks at him then, with his eyebrows drawn together. “Why would you think I wouldn’t?”

“I guess I — assumed if it were important to you, you would have mentioned it by now.”

Jordie gets up suddenly and Jason tilts over a little when the solid barrier of his body is gone. “Yeah, having my child share my name is just a minor detail.”

Irritation prickles across the back of Jason’s neck. “Our child,” he corrects him and Jordie looks down at him and takes a deep breath. 

“Jase,” Jordie starts and his voice has lost it’s sharp edge. “I’m worried about getting enough time to see the baby. I just don’t see how this is going to work.”

It’s obvious that Jordie is worked up and Jason’s annoyance disappears. “To tell you the truth, bud, I don’t know, either. We’ll just have to figure it out as we go.” 

Jordie’s dark eyes look so troubled that Jason starts to get up. He can’t do it by himself and Jordie comes over and helps him to his feet. “Jordie,” he says, panting a little and holding on to Jordie’s hands a little longer than necessary, “as soon as he gets past the baby stage, this is gonna be a 50/50 deal. You know that, right? You’ll be with him as much as you want. I don’t want to do this without you.”

He doesn’t look any happier but he cups Jason’s face and kisses him gently on the mouth. “You won’t, Jase, I promise,” Jordie says and walks past him toward the bedroom. 

Jason lets him go because he’s not really sure what just happened. He’s glad that they’re finally talking about the future —- their future with their child. He doesn’t know why they haven’t had this discussion before but he’d really like to continue it. But when Jason goes to check on Jordie a little later, he’s stretched out on the bed, still in his clothes, asleep.

Jason stays in the doorway for a moment, watching. Jordie is snoring a little and a tender feeling burns through Jason. He must really be tired because Jordie doesn’t usually do that. The season has been hard on Jordie and it’s been hard for Jason to watch. Jason would do anything to fix it, anything to make Jordie happy, as happy as he’s made Jason, even before July. He’s never been happier than when he’s with —

Jason catches his breath and walks back into the den, rubbing the middle of his chest where an ache has set up shop. He grabs onto the padded arm of the sofa and slowly eases himself down onto it.

He loves Jordie. He’s in love with Jordie Benn. 

He’s never said it. Maybe, on some level, he didn’t even know it until just this minute. When they were teammates, Jason had to push down his attraction to Jordie but it was there, simmering and waiting for that day in July. They just had that one time, or so he thought. Not even a whole night but one fast, heated eruption of lust that made a baby.

But it wasn’t just lust; he can see that now. Even that first time, Jason can remember how he felt. If he’s honest, it’s how he’s always felt about Jordie. From the very beginning, when he met Jamie and Jordie that first day in Frisco, when he arrived from San Jose, he could only see Jordie. And it’s remained that way, to this day.

A sound bubbles up of his chest, part laughter and anxiety. _What an ass I’ve been,_ he tells himself, pretending like he didn’t want Jordie with all his heart, pretending he was cool when he was anything but. All the times he told people “we’re not like that” and telling himself it was true — Jason can’t believe how much time he’s wasted. 

The baby choses that moment to give him a swift kick to the ribs and Jason takes it as a “Man the fuck up, Dad” sort of kick and Jason rubs at that spot. “Okay, buddy, I got it,” Jason says to his son. “Time to let your dad know what’s what.”

 

_______


	11. Chapter 11

He wakes Jordie up for supper and they share a veggie pizza in near silence. Jason has to fight to get a few bites of pizza down, he’s so damned nervous. He hasn’t told anyone that he loved them since the early years in San Jose and this feels a 1000 times more serious. 

Jordie makes a couple of attempts at conversation and Jason is so preoccupied by what he’s going to say to Jordie later, he’s barely paying attention 

“Everything okay?”

It takes a while before Jason realizes that Jordie is speaking to him.

He straightens up a little. “Uh, did you say something?”

“You’re not still pissed about what we talked about earlier, are you?“

“No, no, I’m not pissed.” Jordie looks skeptical and Jason smiles to reassure him. “I swear. I’m good.”

Jordie gives him a half-smile and continues eating. Jason gets up from the table and goes into the kitchen. He pretends to refill his glass of water but really, he’s using the time to wipe the perspiration off his forehead. Winter has finally arrived in Texas — it’s freezing outside and if Jordie sees him drowning in sweat, he’s going to know something is up.

“You didn’t eat much,” Jordie observes later when they’re clearing the table and straightening up the kitchen.

Jason’s hand twitches when he reaches for the handle of the fridge to put away the leftovers but he doesn’t think Jordie notices. “This heartburn, man,” Jason says and at least he doesn’t have to lie. “It’s really uncomfortable.”

“What does your doc say?”

Jason rearranges a few things and breathes some cold air into his lungs. “Not to eat spicy food, prop myself up in bed when I sleep, don’t lie down after eating. The usual things.”

Jordie tilts his head. “I’ll talk to Chef Marc after practice tomorrow. Maybe he has some ideas about something you can eat that will help.”

It’s such a sweet thing to do, such a _Jordie_ thing to do that Jason’s throat tightens up. “Thanks, Jor,” Jason says on barely a whisper and jesus, how can Jordie not tell, just from looking at him, what he’s feeling, what he’s trying to say?

Jordie tosses the dishtowel onto the counter and leans back against the kitchen counter and holding onto the granite countertop like he’s trying to hold himself still. “What’s wrong?”

Jason forces out a laugh and he wipes quickly at his eyes. “Just one of those days, you know? I’ve been like this all day.” He doesn’t look very convinced but he doesn’t say any more and Jason takes advantage. “I’m gonna take a shower.”

“Okay.”

The shower does help to calm him down a little and Jason takes his time. And when he’s squeaky clean, he gets out and quickly dresses. When he goes out into the bedroom, Jordie is there, already changed into his usual tee shirt and shorts. He’s sitting on his side of the bed, taking off his watch and putting it in the usual spot on the nightstand. 

Before he loses his nerve, Jason blurts out, “Can we talk for a minute?”

Jordie looks over his shoulder. “Sure,” he answers.

Jason walks over and sits down next to Jordie. It’s dark outside. Only the lamp on Jordie’s side of the bed lights the room and sets off the red in his hair and beard. He looks so beautiful, Jason focuses on the nightstand. He keeps his gaze there and powers through. 

“How do you — what would we be, if I weren’t having our baby?” Jason asks, the words barely above a whisper. 

“What do you mean?”

Jason shifts a little closer, putting one hand on the mattress between them. “What if I’d gone to Florida last summer like I was supposed to? Would you —“ Jason swallows hard before he goes on — “would you have noticed? Would it have made a difference to you?” Jason tries to keep the strain out of his voice but he’s failing. He doesn’t know how this is going to turn out and he may regret bringing this up for the rest of his life but it’s now or never.

He thinks Jordie isn’t going to answer him because he doesn’t answer right away. “But you did go to Florida, remember? After the season was over. You went to Florida and Edmonton and Hawaii and Montreal and I stayed here.” Jason freezes when Jordie’s hand slowly steals over his and closes securely around it. “Then you texted me that you were signing with the Panthers. And I walked around for days like there was a piece of me missing.”

Jason takes in a rough breath and he looks at Jordie, meeting his soft, brown eyes. “And that day,” Jordie goes on, “I thought it would be the only time. I thought I’d never get to be that close to you again.” Jason shivers as Jordie cups one side of his face with his hand and presses a tender kiss to Jason’s cheek. “I’ve never been so happy to be wrong.”

Jason closes his eyes and leans into Jordie’s warm body. “We’re so stupid, Jor. We’ve wasted so much time.”

“I know,” Jordie murmurs back, rubbing their cheeks together, their beards brushing against each other. “But it’s not too late, right?”

Jason grabs Jordie’s face with both hands and kisses him, releasing months, maybe years of pent-up frustration and lust and love in one long, slow, passionate kiss. And even though their child is a pretty significant deterrent to jumping Jordie’s bones the way he wants to, Jason gives it his best. 

He pushes Jordie down on the bed and awkwardly climbs over him so he can straddle `him but his center of gravity is totally off and it’s like he’s trying to heft himself up into a driver’s seat of a Zamboni with his legs tied together. Jordie is fighting him a little, or maybe trying to help, grabbing hold of Jason’s wrists and Jason tries to pull free and he ungracefully topples over onto the mattress in a total fail.

Jordie laughs. “Whoa, buddy. I appreciate what you’re trying to do here but logistically, I’m not sure it’s gonna work.”

Jason lies on his side, panting and he scowls at Jordie. “Well, if you appreciate it, why the laughter?”

Still smiling, Jordie helps Jason up. “Let’s take it down a few notches, huh, hotshot?” Jason lets Jordie pull back the covers for him and help him into bed but he’s still pouting a little when Jordie climbs in after him. 

But he’s not doing much more than sighing with contentment when Jordie wraps his arms around Jason and holds him close, as close as the curve of the baby will allow. 

“I really want to fuck your brains out but can we just go to sleep this one time?” Jason admits on a sigh. 

“Okay, but just this once.” Jordie touches a soft kiss to Jason’s forehead. “Jason, I love you.”

Jason smiles sleepily. “I love you, too. I can’t believe you didn’t know that.”

“I thought I was being so obvious.”

Jason tightens his arm around Jordie’s waist. “I really didn’t know. I was afraid to talk about what we would do after the baby is born because I didn’t know what you were thinking.”

Jordie’s chest rumbles with a small, frustrated sound. “I was afraid of what _you_ were thinking.”

“Like I said,” Jason murmurs back and snuggles even closer to Jordie’s warmth, “so much wasted time.”

“I was so fucking miserable last summer. I used to torture myself by checking your Insta and your Twitter, looking for evidence that you were seeing someone. So when you told me you were pregnant, I thought maybe I’d missed something.”

“There was nobody. I was still fucked up from being with you. You were right,” Jason says quietly. “It changed everything. Nothing’s been the same since that day.”

Jordie kisses him and his hand trails down Jason’s shoulder and over his side to rest on the curve of his lower abdomen, where their son grows. “I love you. Both of you. So much.” He gently strokes his thumb over Jason’s skin and Jason shivers with bliss. And he’s so relaxed and happy in that spot that he starts to drift off to sleep. 

“Wait. I don’t remember telling you that it changed everything.”

Jason yawns against Jordie’s broad chest. “You did, though.”

“When?”

Jason grins up at him. “The night you drunk dialed me.” Jordie jerks back like Jason swung on him and Jason laughs.

“What? Oh, goddammit, Jamie swore to me that I didn’t do it. I’m gonna kill that kid.” Jordie flops over onto his back and grimaces over at Jason. “What else did I say? Do you remember?”

“As if I could forget.” Maybe Jason’s not as tired as he thought because his dick stirs at the memory of that phone call. “You said you hated me. But you also said you wanted to fuck me, every day, every night. I knew I felt the same way and I started to wonder if, maybe, somehow, we could make this work. And the next day, I made the decision to have the baby.”

Jordie moves onto his side again, his hand starts to wander, sliding slowly further down Jason’s side. “You hated me, babe?” Jordie asks and Jason gasps when his hand dips low into Jason’s boxers and closes around Jason’s dick. 

“A little,” Jason answers on a groan, when Jordie starts to stroke him. “I didn’t know — I wanted you so much but — fuck —“ Jason pushes into the hot grip of Jordie’s hand, suddenly as turned on as he was sleepy just a minute before and he looks at the face of his son’s other dad and his heart is so full of love.

Jordie kisses him and works Jason’s dick with just the right amount of rough pressure and it doesn’t take long for Jason to come with a low groan, his mouth open against Jordie’s neck. Jordie gets up and brings a warm washcloth to clean him up and Jason can barely move, he’s so heavy with bliss and drowsiness.

“Jor, I’ll do you, too,” he murmurs, with his eyes closed.

“Next time, babe,” the love of his life says softly, pulling the covers up over him and pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Get some sleep.”

Jason can’t help but do just that.

 

_March_

The shift in their relationship makes for tranquility at home. Jason is so happy and Jordie obviously is, too. But March is a killer for the Stars. The team will be on the road for nearly the entire month, a 14 game stretch with only four, non-consecutive games played at the AAC.

“It figures,” Jason says to Abbe and Fanny, outside the room, after a home loss to the Islanders. “It’s just my luck. I stay in Dallas so that Jordie can be there when the baby is born and he might miss it anyway.” And the women hug him and pat his back. 

Over the past couple of months, Jason has grown adverse to being touched. For some reason, people -- friends, passing acquaintances and even the occasional stranger -- think it's okay to touch his belly. But he's known these women for a while and they're both gentle and they smell really nice so Jason allows it.

“Oh, Daddy,” Fanny murmurs gently. “We’ll be here for you.”

“It will be okay. Next time, you’ll plan better,” Abbe says.

Jason flinches. “Next time? Holy hell, I’m never doing this again.” 

Abbe looks at him with sympathy. “That’s what we all say in our eighth month.”

_Next time?_

Jordie and Jamie come out of the room at that moment and Jason must look shell shocked because Jordie touches his arm. “Everything okay?”

Jason blinks a couple of times before he answers. “Uh. Yeah, of course. I’m just kinda tired.” Jordie doesn’t seem entirely convinced but he lets it go.

Jamie looks beat. Jason knows how the season has worn him down, which is why he excuses what he says next. “How’s my nephew doing?” he asks tiredly and Jason grits his teeth. Every time, the same thing. He’s getting pretty sick of that question.

Jordie elbows his brother. “I told you to quit asking him that,” he hisses and the women laugh and scold Jamie and Jason and Jordie say their goodbyes.But the seed is planted, so to speak. As he has a tendency to do during this pregnancy, he becomes obsessed with the idea. Next time? Do all this insanity again? He’s not ready to stop playing hockey, no way.

And he still doesn’t know how he’s going to handle one baby, much less two. Their parents and siblings have agreed to help out when they can — delivering the baby to see Jordie when it’s feasible and then delivering him back to Jason. But it’s not going to be easy for any of them.

He doesn’t mention it to Jordie. Jordie has more than enough to handle, what with the regular season winding down and the team’s sinking record and having a pregnant boyfriend. But during the ride home, Jason can’t help wondering about a future when there is no more hockey, for either him or Jordie. He’s nuts to even consider the possibility of another baby.

But. Another kid? 

 

_________

 

 

He sees Jordie off the next week, knowing that it will be another full week before he sees him again. The Stars are going out to Cali a couple days early to get acclimated before a four-game Western road trip .

When they say goodbye, Jason manages to keep under control but he probably holds on a little longer than is strictly appropriate for a public parting.

“I’ll call you when I get to the hotel,” Jordie says in his ear and Jason shivers. He’s so damned huge right now and acid reflux and swollen feet are making him miserable but Jordie still has the ability to turn Jason on like no one else ever has. 

“We’ll miss you,” Jason says quietly and Jordie kisses him, a light, discreet kiss on the lips that gains them only a little chirping from the boys.

“Okay, you two, break it up,” Seggy teases as he walks past, ruffling Jason’s hair with a gentle hand.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Rous says with one of his wide grins. “C'est magnifique!”

Jordie rolls his eyes and Jason laughs but there’s a hollow place in his chest that will stay there until Jordie comes back.

 

_________

 

Jason’s parents arrive the next day. He leaves the front door unlocked because he’s pretty much been parked in bed since Jordie left and it takes him too long to maneuver his body to get up. They express shock and awe at the size of his belly and his mom frowns at the puffiness of his feet and ankles.

“Darling,” she says, immediately plumping up a pillow and placing it under his ankles, “you look so uncomfortable.”

The baby lays a hard check on his ribs and Jason rubs his hand against the spot, trying to ease the pain. “For the first time in my life,” he says, “I’m looking forward to going to the doctor. I need to get this kid out of me.”

His mom pats his shin sympathetically. “I know. Not much longer now. What do you need me to do? Is the nursery in order or --"

Calling the tiny extra room a nursery is an overstatement but they managed to squeeze in what they need. “Pretty much. But can you reach my phone? It fell off the bed a couple of hours ago and I can’t bend over and pick it up.” 

His mom laughs and leans over and picks it up off the floor. “Expecting a call from Jordie?”

“Yeah. He calls at eight thirty Dallas time every night, except on game nights. I accidentally had my phone on silent a couple of weeks ago and he called my neighbor to come check on me.”

As is usual when Jordie’s name comes up, his mom is beaming. “Such a good man. Have I told you how happy I am that you and Jordie are together?”

“Not since yesterday. I’m beginning to think you like him better than me.”

“Oh, don’t be silly. Although all that lovely auburn hair —“ His mom sighs dreamily and Jason shakes his head. On the other hand, he can’t really blame her. His boyfriend is a fucking smoke show.

His dad enters the bedroom with a clap of his hands. “Okay, it’s getting late, folks. What are we doing for dinner?”

“What would you like tonight?” his mom asks him.

Jason winces a little. The baby is doing his best Subban impression tonight. Jason can’t find a comfortable spot. “Indigestion is killing me. You guys go ahead. I’ll hang out here.”

 

“It’s no problem. We’ll order in,” his mom says and she and his dad go out to rifle through the menu drawer in the kitchen. 

 

____________

 

Their first game on the road trip is against the Sharks and the night they arrive in San Jose, Jordie sends him a photo of he and Cooch, each of them with a fist in the other’s shirt, their other fist pulled back, looking ready to throw down. Jason laughs so hard he startles his parents.

Two days later, Jason gets a text from Cooch that says simply _call me looser_.

He does. “There’s just one ‘o’ in loser, loser.”

“Fucking autocorrect,” Cooch mutters and Jason laughs.

“Yeah, right. So what's up?”

“What's up? You saw the fucking game. Remind your man that I’m going to be godfather to his child and to take it easy on me next time. I woke up with a bruise the size of a pizza on my thigh.”

Jason grins. Jordie had laid a spectacular, entirely clean check on Cooch in the second. “Yeah. I’ll be sure to remind him what a delicate flower you are.”

“Oh, fuck you, Mommy. How’s it going with that, by the way?”

“If by ‘that’, you mean my child, it’s going. I see the doc tomorrow. And with any luck, he’ll put me in the damn hospital and start the madness. With or without Jordie,” Jason adds unhappily. He wants Jordie to be there when the baby is born but he’s so uncomfortable. 

Cooch laughs. "You ready for that?"

Jason winces when a tiny foot or elbow presses on his bladder. "I'm ready to be able to see my dick again."

“Considering the size of your dick, that doesn’t seem like a very good reason.”

Jason can’t help but grin. Cooch has saved his sanity more than once in the last several months, up to and including today. “Fuck you.”

“Come on, bro. Can’t you try to hold that thing in, at least until Sunday? I’d like to be there when the little dude is born and since we play in Dallas twice next week, it’s perfect timing.”

“Oh, yeah, by all means, I want my son’s birth to be convenient for you. Goddamn.”

“Okay, thanks, bud. I appreciate that.”

Jason hangs up on him, as usual. 

 

____________

 

“Well, Jason,” his doctor begins after his examination, “everything is fine.”

Jason’s a little desperate as he looks first at his parents and then back at the doctor. “And? Can we do this already?” And from the sympathetic look his doc gives him, Jason already knows the answer.

“I know you’re ready to get on with the show, so to speak, but you still have three weeks to go and the closer the baby can make it to term, the better for him.”

Frustration engulfs him and Jason leans heavily against his mom when she comes over and puts her arm around him. “Doctor, is the baby all right?”

“Yes, he’s doing great. But if we could give him just a little longer, it would be much to his benefit.”

“We just want to make sure that both the boys are doing well, Doctor.”

“Darrell, both your son and your grandson are doing exceptionally well. This is one of the most trouble-free male pregnancies I’ve seen in my practice. Jason being an athlete has helped them both in that regard. His blood pressure is excellent and the baby’s vitals are as well.”

“But,” Jason starts to say but he loses energy to finish. If it’s good for the baby, he has to go along with it, but _damn_ , he’s tired of being pregnant.

“If I had even the slightest suspicion that either of these guys were in trouble, I’d put them in the hospital right now. But Jason.” Miserably, Jason looks up at the the doctor. “Try to make it through this next week and we’ll reevaluate then. In the meantime, stay in bed as much as you can. That might help.”

He calls Jordie with the news as he and his mom wait at the front of the building for his dad to bring the car around.

“I know it sucks, babe, but I’m glad. I’ll be home in three days.”

“If you tell me to hold it in, I’m leaving you.”

Jordie chuckles softly in his ear. “Okay if I say, ‘Hang in there?” Jordie asks. “‘Hang tough?’”

Jason tries to laugh but he can’t quite make it work. “Just hurry home.” His dad pulls up and his mom opens the car door and Jason reluctantly says goodbye to Jordie before he struggles into the back seat.

____

 

It plays out like a race — the baby and Jordie in competition to see who arrives first. The baby calms down, not moving as much. Jason knows it’s normal but as many times as he silently told the kid to lay off his kidneys, he doesn’t like it any better when the baby is still. He rubs his stomach and once, he bounces on his heels until there’s some movement again. Just to be sure.

Jason tries to stay in bed but there’s a restlessness thrashing through his veins and he can’t sit still. He keeps going into the baby’s room and reorganizing things. Jason has his dad move furniture until he’s sweaty and grumpy and pleading for mercy. 

“This dresser has been in the same spot three times, son,” his dad says, throwing himself down into the cushioned rocking chair. “There are only so many configurations that are going to work here.”

Jason looks around the small room and frowns. “Maybe we should move.” 

“This is hardly the time to think about that.”

He whips his head around to glare at his dad. “Did I say now?”

His dad frowns back. “You’re all over the place today. Maybe you should go take a shower or something.”

“What are you trying to say, Dad? I need to cool off?” He doesn’t know he’s suddenly so mad but he is. It just happens. It seems the bigger he gets, the shorter his fuse is.

“Well, in a way —“

“Darrell.” His mom comes in with an armful of folded baby clothes and linens. “The dryer needs to be loaded. Would you take care of that, darling?”

“Yep. No problem.”

Jason can only stare as his dad walks off without a backwards glance. “Is he always that clueless?” he asks his mom. “He just — it’s like —“ He doesn’t even understand his dad lately. Was he always so damned irritating?

His mom puts the laundry down on the chest of drawers and she takes Jason by the arm. “Jason, you’ve been on your feet all day. You know the doctor told you to stay in bed.”

Jason sighs heavily, brokenly and lets her lead him out of the room and down the hall to his bedroom. “I just want Jordie to get here,” he says softly. He _needs_ Jordie. There’s a physical ache inside him that has nothing to do with the baby. He needs his best friend.

His mom murmurs to him and steers him toward the bed and Jason allows her to help him under the covers without protest. Jason closes his eyes, tired but on the edge of jumping out of bed again and walking around, _something_ to keep him occupied until Jordie gets here. Once Jordie gets back, he can relax. Everything will fall into place once Jordie is home again…

_________

 

Two nights later, back pain wakes Jason out of a fitful sleep. His back has been aching since his sixth month but this is worse.He tries to switch positions, a major undertaking lately because he’s so huge. He turns onto his other side but it doesn’t help. 

He gets out of bed and goes to the bathroom to take a piss because that’s what he does anyway, at least twice a night. But before he gets back in bed, he stands and arches his back in and then bows it out, to see if that helps. There’s momentary relief but after a few minutes back in bed, it starts again. 

He lays there, waiting for the pain to ease and it eventually does but by that time, he’s panting and sweating a little and his pulse is elevated. 

He doesn’t turn on the TV or a light because maybe this is nothing but Jason sits up in bed, resting back against the headboard, pillows bunched up behind him. He glances at the digital clock on the nightstand and the digital readout glows green in the darkness. 2:45. 

Jordie is still in the air. Jason had checked online before he got into bed. They’d left Calgary just after midnight Dallas time and they aren’t due to arrive at Love Field until nearly four. 

Jordie had called before boarding and Jason’s emotions had been very close to the surface.

“I’ll be there before morning,” Jordie said gently. “I’ll wake you up.”

Jason had choked out a laugh. “Don’t you dare.”

“Oh, too bad, buddy, it’s gonna happen. I’ve missed you guys so much.”

“Jor,” Jason had whispered, “just hurry.”

“Are you sure you’re okay, babe?”

He’d wanted to blurt out the truth — that he hadn’t felt well today, that his back hurt and his ankles hurt and he couldn’t eat at all. Instead, Jason pushed that down and forced his voice into steadiness. “I’m good. I just want you home.”

When the pain in his back comes and goes twice more, Jason realizes that he’s going to have to wake his parents. Maybe it’s nothing but he doesn’t want to take any chances.

He struggles out of bed and walks into the den, where they've set up a fancy Frontgate air mattress on a frame.“Mom?” he says, his voice thin from pain and anxiety.

His mom pops up almost instantly and she gets up. “Darling, what’s wrong?” she asks, turning on the side table lamp and making his dad grumble.

“I think I need to go to the hospital.”

His mom puts her arm around his waist and immediately helps him into the bed. “We’ll take care of you,” she says in a soft, soothing voice. “Everything will be fine.” So it’s a little startling when she suddenly yells. “Darrell!” 

“What?” His dad looks a little disgruntled for a couple of seconds then blinks, scrambles out of bed and starts pulling on the clothes he’d left on the terrible ottoman. “Yep, we got this, kiddo, don’t worry.” Jason doesn’t remember ever seeing his dad move that fast, so fast that he gets tangled up getting into his pants and topples over onto the floor. Jason starts to laugh, holding onto his belly and his dad grins sheepishly at him as he gets back on his feet.“Give me a break, bud, I’m about to be a grandfather.”

His mom appears, dressed in sporty workout clothes, with her phone in her hand, calm but in commander mode. “Darrell, go and get the car and we’ll meet you out front.” Jason lies down again and lets her take over. He does some deep breathing, more to slow his heartbeat than as any method of pain relief. His mom gets her phone out and calls his doctor. At least, he assumes so. He’s actually starting to feel a little foggy.

Whoever his mom calls, they don’t talk very long and then, she’s back. “Okay, darling, I’m going to go get your bag and then we’ll —“

“And my phone, Mom,” Jason says, his voice going higher as the pressure starts to build again. “I want to leave Jordie a text.” He won’t see it in the air but hopefully, it will be there when the plane lands. Jason rubs his palm over his taut belly and closes his eyes. _Hurry, Jordie. Hurry._

 

____________

 

There is no lack of speed once they arrive at Texas Presbyterian. He and his parents are whisked upstairs and his mom helps him into a hospital gown because Jason’s arms and legs are a couple seconds out of sync. And when he’s settled in a bed, two nurses come in to insert an I.V. line and hook him and the baby to a couple of monitors. Jason looks at them nervously, looking for any sign that something is awry but they smile sweetly and offer to get him some ice and tell them as soon as the doctor arrives, he’ll get an epidural.

He’s in the midst of another contraction when the doctor walks in. He greets his parents and then Jason. “Okay, Jason, let’s see how you’re doing,” he says, checking the monitors and touching around on Jason’s belly.

The doctor examines him but keeps on studying the monitors, long enough that his parents lean closer to try and see what he’s seeing.

Then he turns back to Jason and stands at his bedside. He’s wearing his concerned face. “Your oxygen levels are a little lower than I’d like.” He turns to a nurse that Jason hadn’t even noticed was there and he steps to the bed and fits a clear oxygen mask over Jason’s face.

“This should help things along. Just try to breathe deeply, Jason, okay? You’ll help the baby by taking slow, deep breaths when you can.”

Jason tries to do that but panic starts to run through his veins again. He’s breathing but it’s fast and shallow. The press of the mask makes claustrophobia close in on him and he tries to bat it away but the nurse murmurs a soft reproach and gently readjusts it.

One of the monitors starts to beep and Jason doesn’t know whether it’s his monitor or the baby’s but the motion in the room seems to change direction and tone. His doctor leans over the bed, “I know you wanted to wait until Jordie gets here but we should get you into the OR right now. This baby is ready to be born.”

Tears spring to Jason’s eyes and his dad comes around to the other side of the bed and grabs his hand. “It will be okay, son. You got this.” He’s so disappointed that Jordie is going to miss this but there’s nothing to do about that now. Jason nods from behind the oxygen mask and his dad leans over and kisses his sweaty forehead.

Jason looks to the other side of the bed. “ _Môman_ ,” Jason says, reverting to French unconsciously, “you’ll come with me?”

“Of course, darling,” she answers him in kind, her eyes looking unusually bright behind her glasses. “I’ll be right there.”

The doctor has always been a friendly guy but he’s all business now, his voice edged in quiet urgency. “Guylaine, the nurse will get you some scrubs. Darrell, if you’ll help Jason roll onto his side, we’ll get the epidural started.”

The anesthesiologist introduces herself and after that Jason is pretty floaty, his ears ringing and his vision misty on the borders. The next thing he’s aware of is being rolled into a very well lit room that seems full of people in scrubs and masks. They transfer him to a flat, padded surface and then everyone is in motion.

He’s not in pain anymore and that scares him because it makes him wonder if the baby is okay. He looks for his mom but everyone is covered from head to foot. He’s lost track of time. There aren’t any windows in the room so he can’t tell whether it’s dark or light out. 

What time is it? he wonders with detachment, watching a drape being put up over a frame that covers him from his chest down. It’s like he’s viewing everything from a distance. He can’t tell what’s happening down there but clearly, something is.

Someone slides into view and Jason turns his head. “I’m here, _mon grand_ ,” his mom says. She has a mask on, with a surgical cap and scrubs but he’s pretty sure it’s her.

“Where’s Jordie?” he asks her when she takes a seat close to him and takes his hand in both of hers. His tongue is a little thick, his voice is a little slurred and Jason wonders if they’re dripping some of the good drugs through his I.V.

“He’s not here, darling. Soon, though.”

Jason hears his doctor’s voice, coming from the other side of the drape. “Okay, Jason, we’re going to start now.”

“I can’t feel anything,” Jason tells his mom and though he can’t see her mouth, he can tell she’s smiling. 

“Yes, that’s good. Aren’t you excited, darling? You’re about to meet your son.”

Jason smiles back, drowsy and relaxed. “Your grandson.” His mom gives his arm a squeeze and then, suddenly —

“There he is,” the doctor says. His mom pos up to peek over the drape. “Oh, Jason,” she says, her voice so full of joy, “he looks just like you.”

Jason waits to hear a cry, to hear something. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to go? “Is he all right?” he asks sharply. His mom reaches over the curtain and when she turns, she’s got a loosely wrapped little bundle in her arms. She brings it over and settles it down beside Jason on the table and unwraps it. 

Jason lifts his wobbly head up and the angle is a little awkward but he sees his son for the first time. There’s vernix in the creases of his joints and there's a little bit of blood, too. He’s squirming, his skinny legs kick and stretch while his hands wave jerkily in the air. His hair, what little there is, is dark and wet. He’s making little grunting sounds in his throat. His eyes are wet and swollen and squeezed into slits and his face is red and Jason has never loved anything so much in his life.

“Hey, little boy,” Jason says softly but as soon as he touches him with a fingertip, a nurse comes over and takes him away. Jason can’t see him but can hear his little noises and it’s making him crazy. “Wait. Is he okay?”

His mom presses a kiss to his forehead. “They just have to get him cleaned up and dressed warmly. That’s all. He’s fine, darling.”

Jason’s doctor appears from around the drape. He’s smiling behind his mask and Jason relaxes again. “He’s doing great, Jason. Everything went perfectly. We’re going to get you stitched up and by the time you get back to your room, your son will be ready for you.”

Jason relaxes back down again, suddenly aware of a bone-deep exhaustion. “My son.” He can’t keep his eyes open but he doesn’t stop smiling.

 

____________

 

Jason has to be woken up when the baby is brought into his room. He’s really tired and wants to sleep but when he sees his dad smiling so big and sees the little bundle in his arms, he’s up. 

“Here’s our boy.” Jason turns onto his side, wincing when he feels the pull of tightness in his lower abdomen and his dad places the baby on the mattress within the half-circle of his arm. His son has a little white toque on, he's sleeping and he’s swaddled, which is not a term Jason ever thought he would be familiar with. He doesn’t look much like the baby in Jason’s dreams. He’s way more beautiful than Jason’s mind could conjure.

His dad carefully sits on the side of the bed. “I’ve never seen anything so wonderful in my life,” he says softly. “Son, this is the best thing you’ve ever done.”

Jason smiles up at his dad briefly. “Where’s Mom?” he asks, lightly rubbing his knuckles against the silky soft skin of his son’s cheek. He doesn’t even flinch.

“She’ll be right back. She gave this little guy his first bottle a while ago. We tried to wake you but —“

Jason laughs — but gently because, _stitches_. “How hard did you try?” 

“Okay, not very hard. You don’t mind, do you?”

“Nah, I’ll be wishing you guys will materialize at two in the morning in a few weeks. Come on, help me sit up. I want to hold him.”

It takes some doing — Jason doesn’t move so much but lets his dad fiddle with the control to move the head of the bed up to just the right height that doesn’t induce too much pain to his abdomen — and then, finally, his dad picks the baby up and places him in Jason’s arms. 

The pain disappears, along with Jason’s exhaustion, when he settles the baby against his chest. The baby’s eyes are still swollen and closed but his skin is pink and healthy and he’s sleeping so soundly. He weighs almost nothing in Jason’s arms, although they told Jason in the OR that he’s seven pounds and nine ounces. 

He cups the back of the baby’s head and kisses his forehead and _holy shit,_ he’s so little. Protective instincts that he didn’t even know he had power to the surface and Jason knows that he would do anything to keep this kid safe.

Jason can’t take his eyes off that tiny face. Maybe it’s his imagination but his lips looks just like Jason’s and his nose is a little like Jordie’s. He really wants to unwrap this little guy and look at him in detail but Jason doesn’t want to risk waking him so he just looks. He never wants to stop looking at his son.

“It’s okay, little boy,” Jason whispers to him. “You don’t have to be a d-man if you don’t want to. A winger would be just fine.” 

“Now, don’t be too hasty, son,” Jason’s dad says and Jason laughs and kisses the baby again and again.

And that’s when the door bursts open and Jordie comes sliding into the room, so fast that he has to put his hands out to keep from slamming into the wall. Once he’s righted again, Jordie freezes and his gaze locks with Jason’s and Jason’s heart begins to pound.“Where’s the fire, bud?” Jason asks him with a grin.

Jordie’s expression turns from stressed to surprised to tenderness, all in the space of a few seconds. “I’m sorry, I tried to get here as fast as I could.” He’s talking to Jason but his eyes keep shifting to their son. “We detoured around some bad weather so we were late and why is there traffic at four thirty in the morning and then I stopped to wash my hands before I came up —“

He comes over and cups Jason’s face and kisses Jason softly on the mouth, once and then again. “Are you okay?” he asks, totally focused on Jason for that moment.

Jordie’s scent and touch floods Jason’s senses and he sighs against Jordie’s warm skin. “I’m great,” Jason says. 

Then Jordie pulls back and stares down at the baby like he’s an alien and Jason smiles and takes charge. “So, listen, there’s this guy I want you to meet —“

Jordie laughs a little nervously and when he sits down beside Jason, Jason sees that his dad has slipped out of the room and the three of them are alone. 

Jordie breathes in and out noisily as he gets a closer look at their son. “God, Jase, he’s beautiful. So little.” Jordie does as Jason did, brush a knuckle over the baby’s cheek.

“Wanna hold him?” 

For a second, Jordie looks startled but he leans over and carefully, so carefully, takes the baby from him. The sight of their child in Jordie’s strong arms and the sweet smile on Jordie’s face makes Jason’s eyes hot and itchy.

Jordie presses a kiss against the baby’s forehead. “Hi, Beau,” Jordie says quietly.

“No, Jordie.” Jordie looks up with a little frown and Jason smiles at him. “His name is Jake.”

Tears well up in Jordie’s eyes and Jason has to laugh through his own because it’s nice to see it happen to someone else for a change. 

Jordie leans over and kisses Jason on the lips while Jake sleeps on.

“We’re so lucky,” Jordie says. “ _I’m_ so lucky.”

Then, Jason rests his head on Jordie’s shoulder and the two of them spend some time getting familiar with their son. They have a few minutes alone before Jamie and Seggy and Jason’s parents come in. Jason watches his family carefully pass his son around, sees their happy faces and he can’t remember a moment so perfect.

“This little dude is totally going to rule us,” Jamie says softly, holding Jake carefully against his chest. “The little prince.”

“No,” Jason says, relaxed in the circle of Jordie’s arms, “he’s the king.”

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/160179815@N03/46748382261/in/dateposted-friend/)/p>


	12. Epilogue

_August_

Jason balances clothes from the cleaners, a paper grocery bag and a very valuable flat package on one arm while he unlocks the apartment door with his free hand. It's August in Texas and sweat trickles down the middle of his back. The apartment, though, is nice and cool and he sets everything he's carrying down on the kitchen counter except for the flat package.

"Hey, I'm back," he calls out, grabbing some paper towels and wiping his damp forehead. 

Jordie walks in from the bedroom cradling their son. Jake’s lying there like Jordie’s arm is a hammock and he’s just chillin’. Jake is captivated by Jordie's beard, as he has been almost from day one. He has no interest in Jason’s beard, but he’s fascinated by Jordie’s. 

He likes to grab a handful, open and close his little fingers in it. Sometimes, he whacks at, it full on. At the moment, he's holding on and staring up at his dad, content and quiet and still.

Jason's heart fills to bursting at the sight of them. They only have another month together before he and Jake have to leave for Florida. Jordie is reluctant to let go of Jake at all lately and Jason knows it's only going to get worse. It will be hard for Jason to leave Jordie but he knows it will be even harder for Jordie to see both him and Jake go. 

"Well?" Jordie says with anticipation. "Is that it?"

Jason waves the package at him, enjoying the happiness on his face. "They're here," Jason says, employing his best Poltergeist impression.

Jake turns his head at Jason's voice and turns into a wiggle monster, kicking his legs and waving his hands and giving Jason a mile-wide, gummy smile.

"How's my boy?" Jason asks and Jake squirms even more, every part of his little body totally engaged in expressing his joy at seeing Jason. Jason has loved watching Jake grow over the last five months. Maybe he's biased but Jake is such a good-natured kid. He has his moments, but in general, and according to both sets of grandparents, Jake is a pretty easy baby, Jason’s and Jordie’s exhaustion notwithstanding.

Jason goes over to them. He leans down and places a noisy smack of a kiss on Jake’s petal-soft, slightly sticky cheek. Then he puts his hand on Jordie’s neck and kisses him lingeringly, their son safe between them. All is so right with the frigging world.

"He's been fed?" Jason asks, as Jordie nuzzles Jason's neck, his breath hot on Jason’s skin.

"Mmmhmm," Jordie responds, giving Jason's ear lobe a little bite. "Almost nap time."

“Awesome," Jason mutters, turning his head so he can kiss Jordie some more. Taking care of a baby and getting back to training has been the most exhausting work he's ever done. It's been days since he and Jordie had either the time or the energy for anything as time-consuming as fucking. But they all had a good night’s sleep and today, they are _definitely_ going to make up for lost time.

Jake squeals at being ignored and Jason gets a small foot in his chest. With regret, he steps back. “Okay, Jakie, I’ll leave your daddy alone.” Jason waggles his eyebrows at Jordie and deepens his voice. “For now.”

Jordie grins at him and transfers Jake to his arms. “Come on, let’s see what we’ve got. You didn’t look, did you?”

“Nope. I was a good boy.”

As he walks to the sofa, Jason lifts Jake up and rubs his face into Jake’s round belly, evoking happy giggles and a yank on his hair. Once he extricates himself from Jake’s grip, Jason sits him between him and Jordie on the sofa while Jordie opens the package. Jake is almost able to sit up by himself, which is a little early according to the baby books he and Jordie have been reading. But naturally, Jake would have exceptional physical ability — just look at his parents.

Carefully, Jordie opens the package and slides out the contents — an extensive set of portraits of Jake taken last month. As soon as he does, Jordie laughs and says, “Oh, holy shit, we made a good looking kid.” 

Jason starts to say something about the cursing. For the sake of their son, he’s working on cleaning up their language because, well, two hockey players are going to need some lead time to remove four-letter words from their everyday speech.

But fucking hell, if Jordie isn’t totally right. 

They’d dressed Jake up in blue footie pajamas and a blue toque to match his eyes, mirroring the newborn pic they’d had taken. The photographer had been excellent, making Jake laugh and smile sweetly throughout the session. They ordered a ton of copies for their parents and grandparents and uncles and aunts and cousins and yeah, he and Jordie are going to become _those_ parents, who have actual photos of their kid and are willing to whip them out at the least provocation. But who can blame them with a kid so beautiful?

“Man, babe,” Jordie says with a playful light in his eyes, “he definitely has your ears.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”Jason looks at the photo, then down at Jake, who’s slumped over on Jordie, drowsily chewing on the hem of Jordie’s tee shirt and making soft _nom nom_ sounds. What the hell, his ears are perfect.

“Well, I’m just saying —“

“Hey, wait a minute.” Jason grabs the bottom corner of the picture closest to him. “Damn it. His toque is on crooked. I didn’t even notice until now.”

Jordie looks at his copy. “Yeah, I know. I did that on purpose.”

“What? Well, why did you do that?” Jordie knows how important this is. There are photos of Jake out there — mostly blurred images that fans have snapped while they were out and about. But this is going to be the first official, family-approved photo they’ve released and — “Jesus, Jordie, fuck.”

“Will you relax? It’s an Instagram post, not the cover of Sports Illustrated. It looks cute like that.”

Jason looks at the photo, at Jake’s beautiful smile and decides that Jordie is right. The most important lesson he’s learned from having a kid is to quickly sort out what’s important and what’s not and this is a great photo. “I guess,” Jason says coolly because he doesn’t have to appear _too_ easy.

“And anyway, I wanted to show off his hair. What little he has,” Jordie adds darkly. 

Jason rolls his eyes. “Not that again,” he says, sitting forward and gently prying Jake’s hands and gums off Jordie’s tee.

“Well, when is this kid gonna get some hair? I’m getting worried.”

“He’s only five months old. And he has hair.” It’s thin and wispy and a sort of reddish brown but it is, indeed, hair. But Jordie won’t stop going on about it. Jason mutters under his breath, “Just because you looked like you were wearing a fur hood when you were his age —“

“What was that?”

“Never mind. Okay, fine, you worry if you want.” Jason says and he gets up and picks up Jake, who immediately lays his head on Jason’s shoulder. “I’m putting this kid down for a nap.” Jason gives Jordie a meaningful look. “Don’t go anywhere.”

By the time Jake settles down and Jason can sneak out of the room, he finds that Jordie has moved but only to their bedroom, where Jordie is gloriously naked under the covers and ready for him.

Jason’s body isn’t fully recovered from the pregnancy yet — he’s got weird aches and pains and his belly isn’t as flat as it was. But Jordie — God, Jordie’s lying there, naked with just the sheet covering his lower body, watching Jason with a scorching heat while stroking his big dick, the muscles working in his tatted arm — and Jason can’t get out of his clothes and into bed fast enough.

Jason kisses him hard on the mouth and then works his way down Jordie’s body, kissing his neck, licking at his nipples and pressing his open mouth against Jordie’s rock hard abs, until Jordie is groaning and moving restlessly beneath him. Everywhere their skin touches strikes sparks.

“Oh, fuck, babe, you’re so fucking hot,” Jason says and gives Jordie’s hard dick a single long, teasing lick before taking it into his hand and stroking him. “If I could keep you in bed for days, it wouldn’t be long enough.”

Jordie’s hand rubs through Jason’s hair. “Sit on my dick, Jase. I want you to ride me.” Jordie’s voice is so rough and tight, like he’s barely holding onto control and Jason doesn’t have to be asked twice.

When Jason sinks down on Jordie’s dick, Jordie grabs onto his hips and starts stroking into him, slow and even. Jason moves along with him, his hands on Jordie’s shoulders, straddling Jordie, lifting up and then grinding down again. 

“Fuuuck,” Jordie groans, pushing his dick into Jason as deep as he can and holding it there before slowly pulling back. “It’s so good. You’re so good to me, Jase.”

Jason leans down to kiss Jordie and the change of angle makes Jordie’s dick slip out of Jason. But Jordie just pushes him onto his back, lifts Jason’s legs over his shoulders and starts pounding him. Jason gets his dick in his hand and it doesn’t take long until they’re coming. 

They’re both a little quiet as they shower and change clothes. Lately, when they’re together, there’s a sharp urgency to it because they both know the clock is ticking and there’s nothing they can do to stop it. Jason will have bruises tomorrow, judging from the desperation Jordie held him with, and he’ll remember this for days.

Jason finishes dressing and turns to Jordie, who is dressed but still sitting on the side of the bed. “Come on. Let’s go get supper started before the King wakes up.” 

He’s nearly to the door when he realizes Jordie isn’t following him. He’s still, with his head is lowered. Jason watches him a while but he doesn't move. 

"You okay, babe?"

He doesn't say anything and Jason comes a few steps closer.” Jor?"

He doesn’t look at Jason but Jordie shakes his head. "I can't do this,” he says and Jason’s chest tightens at the raw heartbreak in Jordie’s voice. “I can't let you and Jake go and not know when I'll see you again."

Jason sits down next to Jordie. “We’ll see you at Christmas, like we planned. Then again at the All Star break. And we’ll Skype every day.” Jason has to talk around the knot in his throat. He knows Skype is inadequate. Nothing can be a substitute for being together, for what they’ve shared over the last eleven months.

He’s going to miss Jordie so much. The months since Jake was born have been the best of Jason's life. He can't believe he considered, even for a little while, not going through with the pregnancy. He not only has Jake now but he has Jordie, too. It’s more than he ever imagined.

Jordie looks at him, his eyes rimmed in pain. “It’s not good enough.”

Jason nudges Jordie. “What else can we do? We’ll talk to our parents again, see if they can work something out between now and —“

“I’ll retire,” Jordie interrupts and Jason straightens immediately.  
“No. You are _not_ going to retire. We’ve talked about this.”

“It’s my choice.”

Now, Jason is the one shaking his head. “It’s not, Jordie. We have a kid to consider. We have to make our money while we can.”

Jordie bristles at that. “You think hockey is the only thing I can make money at?”

“The kind of money that we’re making now? Yes. Both of us? Absolutely.” Jason throws his hands up in frustration and brings them down hard on his thighs. “I mean, unless you’re an heir to a fortune and never told me —“

“Then let’s get married.”

Jason is about to launch into a secondary argument when Jordie’s words register. He stares at Jordie for a moment, waiting for him to say something more but he doesn’t.

“I said yes months ago. You know that.”

Suddenly, Jordie’s expression changes and he’s full of energy. “No, no, no, I mean, now. Before you go back to Florida. We won’t tell anyone. No big deal.”

Jason knows he must look befuddled because he certainly feels that way. Marriage to Jordie? _No big deal?_ “Jordie, I don’t understand how —“

“Jesus, just think about it. You haven’t even thought about it.”

He studies Jordie closely. “How would that change our situation? We’ll still be living apart, married or not.”

“I know, Jase, but it — it will be _something_. Just between the three of us. Me and you and Jake.” Jordie reaches both arms around him, resting his chin on Jason’s shoulder and Jason can almost feel the excitement vibrating through Jordie’s body. “When I’m having a shitty day or I’m missing you guys so much that I’m climbing the walls, I can call my husband and listen to his voice and know that it’s going to be okay.”

Jason watches him for a moment longer. He could point out that Jordie could talk to him, anyway, that he’s got the same voice whether they’re married or not. He could remind Jordie that a piece of paper doesn’t definite the strength of their relationship. Jason could but he doesn’t.

“I want to be connected to you, babe and I don’t want to wait any longer.”

Jason leans in and kisses Jordie tenderly. Jordie kisses him back and they lie down and make out for a good, long while, until their son wakes up and starts babbling through the baby monitor on the nightstand. 

 

____________

 

They marry in Dallas a week later. Technically, it’s Crandall, TX, a little town thirty minutes southeast. The Justice of the Peace that Jim Nill finds — Billy Joe Budd! — has no idea who they are and Mrs. Budd acts as their witness.

Mrs. Budd keeps Jake occupied before they start the quick ceremony and Jake babbles at her, shaking a little plastic hammer-shaped rattle that she keeps around the house for her grandchildren. But he starts to fuss when he sees his dads just standing there, not paying attention to him. So Jordie takes him and the three of them stand before Justice Budd while his soft, Texas drawl drifts over them and declares them officially a family. 

After he and Jake and Jordie all kiss, Mrs. Budd kindly offers them fruit punch and a small cake, which is apparently a service they offer to all their couples. So they sit around their dining room table and visit a while and Jason feeds Jake little bits of cracker while they talk.

They’re quiet on the drive back. Jake falls asleep in his car seat and Jordie holds Jason’s hand over the console, rubbing his thumb over Jason’s skin, twisting the silver band on Jason’s ring finger around and around again.

Jake doesn’t even wake up when they get him out of the truck. Jordie carries him into their apartment but he doesn’t take him to bed. Instead, he sits down on the sofa, shifting Jake’s sleep-heavy body around in his arms so that he can look down at him. Jordie looks like he might break apart at any minute. Jason sits down next to him and puts his arm around Jordie’s shoulder. “It won’t always be this hard,” Jason says, trying to find something, _anything_ that will take away the sadness in Jordie’s eyes. “We’ll work it out. You’ll see him as much as you want.”

“You know what’s funny?” Jordie asks brokenly, picking up one of Jake’s little hands and holding it gently in his. “Before he was born, I thought when you guys left, I would be ready for some peace and quiet. Can you believe that bullshit?” Jordie says, his voice thick and rough. “This place is going to be so empty.”

Jason tightens his hold on Jordie. “Listen. This is your husband speaking. We’re going to work this out. One more season. Eight months and then we’ll look at where we stand. We can hold out that long, right?”

Jordie turns his head and his deep brown eyes are wet. “I love you so much. You and Jake. You’re everything.”

Jason leans in close and presses his lips to Jordie’s cheek. “I love you, too, babe. The three of us — we can do anything.”

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/160179815@N03/31806783887/in/dateposted-friend/)


End file.
